(0:00)Why forgiveness is so painful
unfilter hello everybody and welcome to PF on filter hi what up what up we're back with a new episode we never left I love is the the audience joy for energy I love it so today yeah yeah okay before we um before we start we need to pay some bills uh this episode
(0:30)The bills, the cakes, and the banter
this episode is let the record have not been paid we will discuss that after okay do you have a manager have your manager contact my manager I got you talk I got um this episode is brought to you by barl Avenue Bakery know that I can go on strike yes you can go on strike and we don't want you can we get back to the people that are sponsoring us thank you so we so you can get paid okay this episode is brought to you by Barrow Avenue Bakery yes yes yes and I wanted to say something but they said I should not say it please um yes we are sponsored by V Revenue breaker um you guys can order um with the the order how to order is in the link below the show notes clearly I don't know enough about these things honestly I found out that today I don't even know what show notes are but she just knows how the cake tastes but it tastes amazing cake is phenomenal you know why you don't taste something but you tasted it already how explain how that works you know how you get you have a way of talking that I need to understand please explain what you mean so jolof rice I don't understand what jolof rice has to do with cake just I'm just follow me follow me follow go ahead go ahead jof fries wait you take jell fries and you smell it and you see it it's like red enough not to Red it's like weird like R nor and you see like the little like what's that little leaf that leaf that is always inside leaves leaves little leaves and thenly I that's why he's always like really hyp up but you've not tasted but you know how this thing is going to slap cuz the smell is getting to everything is just right that's what when I when I okay I am speaking from experience of having tasted the cakes they're amazing and you guys should get some okay so we can also pay bills thank you yeah we can pay bills so I can get paid cuz I'm doing it for free all right how are y'all feeling before we get started it's been a long day but I'm good yeah it's been a long year but I'm good man the year is almost over I can't believe it I remember when it just started like yesterday and now we're gosh I yeah I can't wait do you feel like you're G cuz you look like you're getting younger you feel like you're getting younger as year going I don't I feel like I'm getting older oh okay I am feeling thank you I appreciate that good what do you want no I just complimented you now okay you know when somebody compliments you but you see how I kept quiet quiet here yeah you didn't agree with him that I look young looks good you know when you don't have anything nice you just keep quiet so I just kept quiet shots fired one I Hope You Know This Means War show I li I'm used to you just shooting boo me never seen her she fired me that one like like like Point Blank wow I guess she be I should be scared be very afraid worried I am coming for you with that same energy wow well okay let's get into today's
(3:34)Defining the 'unforgivable' struggle
episode okay so today uh we're going to be talking about forgiveness oh no how you feeling about that PF I don't like that topic care to share why it's painful and it's hard and people should suffer I mean why why should people wrong me and then I should just and then let it go imagine who does that's crazy really who does that Christ exactly I guess I guess some some guy called Jesus Christ I guess so we're going to get start with like actually answering the question like what what is forgiveness right um the way that I
(4:16)What forgiveness actually means
Define forgiveness is basically wiping the Slate clean right and not holding the crime against the individual who committed the crime right because when God forgives us and you know the thing I love about God and I love about scripture is that everything that he asks of us he's not ambiguous about it he gives us a standard right so when he talks about love for example in First Corinthians he talks about what love is love is kind love is gentle love is patient love is not arrogant love you know believes all things love does not keep a record of wrongs right he also tells us what forgiveness is because we have to we are living and walking in his forgiveness and it simply means that you do not count the person's wrongs against them right it doesn't mean that the pain has gone away right it doesn't mean that you're not um wary but in assessing the person and in interacting with the person you are not doing it on the basis of their wrong that is what it means to forgive and it's a pretty it's it's it's a pretty comprehensive and difficult thing to do right A lot of the time when we say we
(5:27)Forgiveness vs. Feeling Good
have forgiven um I think that many people sometimes are confused that when you forgive somebody you expect to feel good about it right and they think once I pronounce that word I forgive you or that phrase I forgive you I have forgiven you they expect that their emotions will ultimately or immediately line up with what they have said but really A lot of the things that God asks of us are not about emotions they're about actions right you have little control over your emotions what you have control over is what you do with your emotions once you are angry you can't really stop yourself from being angry but you can stop yourself from acting on your anger right doing something by doing something irresponsible right um so we always need to remember that God never focuses on our feelings he focuses on our actions and many times what I have found is that my actions follow my feelings will follow my action right so if I say for example that I have forgiven you I'm still mad at you I still want to do you harm right inside I'm still seething but if as I start to interact with you I interact with you from a basis of I am not going to hold this stupid thing you did to me against you yeah what you will what will happen is that my emotions will follow the people that I struggle with um letting go of emotionally are the people who wrong me and I don't see them right my last interaction with them was this was when they H me right it's hard for me to do the things that lead to emotional wholeness right because I don't see them they're not there they're not there you know that's that's for me that's the way it works for me and it's the same thing with love right you say you love somebody you feel the love but you don't show it in your actions do you really love the person right love is not just what you feel it's what you do and if you think about it if you start being nice to somebody right let's say today now I know that's hard but let's just imagine that you just start being nice to him right consistently just every time you see him you're nice to him what you'll find out is that your feelings towards him will change right and I've
(7:45)Beholding Christ in the mirror
come to realize that you know the Bible says that um um as we behold Christ with an unveiled face like in a mirror right we are transformed into the same image from glory to glory and what I've come to understand about that is that when you behold um Christ in a mirror and you are reflecting what you are beholding it means that you are displaying right you're displaying what you see so imagine that this is Christ because God says right I am um um I'm the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus when I look in the mirror right what the mirror shows me is what I present to the mirror the mirror displays the image right that is presented to it if we are um looking at Christ right like a mirror yeah it means that we are displaying Christ and to display Christ is simply means to act like Christ did yeah just whatever it is you see Christ doing act like it and what you will find is that you are going to become more like Christ yeah you are going to start to you know the way that you think changes right so earlier on you you threw a doubt at me undeserved you know um unprovoked um unsolicited but just you know it's all good banter PF oh that's what we're calling him that's what the kids calling W anyway you threw a d at me and I have chosen it on my end Like a Knife actually okay so you put a knife you put a dagger in my heart to life and you know I have to forgive you right so what what what do I do okay well what did Christ do right when you know um um people put a dagger in his out says forgive them for they do not know what they do so sh I forgive you cuz clearly you don't know what you're do what you were doing right I accept your so I forgive you right and so you know when I see you next time I'll give you a hug right when I see you the day after that I'll give you a gift not a gift I accepting of gifts that's only remember but you know what I'm saying if every time I see you I am consciously kind to you right what you will find is whatever hurt I felt about that dagger you put in my heart a few minutes ago right on this day we came here to record and do this thing you know it it it it will dissipate right it will dissipate but what we want to do is we want our feelings to lead right you want to say I feel it right you want to feel good first before we so we are motivated to forgive yes so our feelings Drive our choices not the word of God right and that's the problem
(10:36)Faith over Feelings
we have many times our feelings Drive our choices right but the Bible never says as many as are led by their feelings they are the sons of God right as many as are led by the spirit of God right as many as are led by faith I mean sorry the just shall live by faith not by their feelings we live by our feelings and it's a problem because our feelings our feelings are are powerful right but once you understand that your feelings are not the um decider of your actions and your choices you're much further on your way think about Jesus Christ right when he was at the gardien of Gethsemane and the Bible says that the the anguish of what was in front of him was so much that in the place of prayer he was he was perspiring blood he he he says to God let this cup pass over me right nevertheless not my will but your will be done you know we we we say that all the time but we don't realize that what Jesus Christ was saying is that I don't feel like doing this thing you know these guys are they've rejected me they've they've insult they've done all of these things to me right and like Jonah if I do this thing for them right and then I'm going to stand on this I'm going to hang on this cross in all of this shame and all of this humiliation God is going to not be able to countenance me right I don't want to do it I don't feel like doing it I'm not like the kids are saying today I'm not feeling it yeah just not feeling it's not giv yeah it's not giving you know so or it's giving it's giv yes yeah it's giving not giv right yeah I right he's giving you know suicide exactly you know by cross giving Madness he's giving like why yeah it's giving crazy but he said nevertheless not my will not what I want not how I feel but what you want be done that is what it means to be like Christ should we like
(12:26)The 'Boundary' excuse
should we do like a little scenario because I've had situations where people are like well at least okay I've forgiven this person once twice three times I've turned the other cheek and they keeps just slapping the crap out of me so at some point in time the person is like okay look I want to let go of my ill feelings towards them but I want to keep them at arms length why because they keep slapping me I love that all right you know so how do you how do we like Tack okay so so I want I want those to be clear the standard is God right God word and I I get frustrated because we dumb things down when I say dumb things down what I mean is that we forget what the Mark is right and we create these acceptable lines you know so well it makes sense you know if somebody keeps hurting you you got to you know you got to give them you know you got to keep so so you know we twist ourselves in pretzel trying to justify that pretzels yeah pretzels I like that trying to justify that right because that is what makes sense that is what common sense dictates right right that is what all of us conventionally would consider acceptable first chance Second Chance third chance right but again what is the mark what is the standard 77 what's time s that's a lot though it's a lot yeah ask yourself this how many times imagine if God says man I don't tell this boy one time two times three times four times 200 times and he's still doing the stupid crap he's doing I need to keep him at an nam's Lev because every time he does it it hurts Baba [Music] please that that is the standard though right right right you're not the standard right your tolerance is not the standard and we we need to stop allowing Christians to Aspire to less right it doesn't matter how difficult it is we we need to stop saying to people well that's difficult only Jesus can do that well that's what you're supposed to do and if you fail at it what happens is that you don't realize how imperfect you are if you can't forgive how can you judge somebody for for telling lies if unforgiveness is a sin right how are you better than a liar so my question will then be is it
(14:40)Is it possible to actually let go?
possible to like cuz I'm thinking about like just everything that you you talked about and then I'm thinking about a person that is like but I need to create boundaries like in the sense of like it is not healthy Maybe maybe you're in a relationship or um whether it's with like a significant other or with a parent or just a a relationship that is hurting you um and you're like I forgive them but how do I make sure that honestly I can tell you what you want to hear yeah or what you want to hear I I can the way you did like tell God no no because I've heard this so many I can but but I insist and this is the thing right one of the things that I think is a problem is that we have reduced the mark for people so we've set the bar the bar so low right that people think oh I can do this you know yeah I can tolerate you until it hurts because you know the Mark is if it hurts I got to set boundaries we use nice words like boundaries you know trying to prot accountability trying to protect myself you know um you know I got to I got to you know self selflove you know all of these things have to be realistic yes but again again let this mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus right how does the bible describe Jesus A Man of Sorrows acquainted with grief he was rejected by his own right he came to them and they rejected him and they rejected him to the point where they hung him on the cross right so that is the standard right how it applies in your situation is between you and the Holy Spirit but that is the standard right and we're too quick we're too quick to say what is unforgivable right we're too quick to say what is unforg murderers have been rehabilitated so if somebody who killed another person AKA Uncle Saul now known as Paul when they were stoning Steen he held their coats so they would not be distracted and they could face the task of stoning him Paul became the greatest arguably the greatest Apostle amongst all the Apostles of Jesus right he was a collaborator a facilitator of murder a co-conspirator of murder but even before he was actually murdering wasn't he that time before he became blind right yeah was he was persecuting persu was persecuting the CH but he held the coat of those who stoned Steven okay right which means he kind of empowered them or enable accomplice he was the accomplice it was more than an accomplice really he was kind of like a um I got you just I got you you guys go ahead I'll hold your for you that kind of thing you know so so when when you have a Paul right become who he he he became or a David Ross David yeah I mean that's yeah you saw talken yeah just to say and and so so again right right what is the mark what is the mark it is not my place to move the Mark it's not my place to move the mark this is the Mark if you feel like the Mark is too hard go and meet the person that sent you to run the race yeah and the thing I was thinking about when you were talking cuz that's a really good question sh was maybe what we're looking for is okay PF like I know what the standard is but I had this person for example purposes murdered my child is easier for me to forgive a murder I Mur some you get don't be asking this kind of questions I know I know but you know because because whose child did we murder right whose child went to the Cross God I know so don't use that example I think I'm thinking like it's too close to right right I guess I'm thinking ask Possible Pain a parent can expess is that why we're saying trying to protect ourselves and come like this boundaries and barriers because we it hurts what we really want is for someone to make us feel a little better but even though we know there's a however it is that standard whatever it is that is going to make you feel better it is not my place to move yeah to to to to move though you what I'm saying yeah I understand what you're saying if a woman is married and her husband beats her and she comes to me and says Pastor Fe my husband is beating me I will if I have the time and I'm really not doing anything I will drive my car to her house and carry her bags out of the house if if I can't I will send her a taxi Uber whatever right and the reason why I'll do that is because I believe that um if she is killed right she will never get a chance to forgive if can you run that back no she's killed if she's dead she for she can't forgive she she has killed her right or she has killed him it's been known to go both ways I I honestly believe right that forgiving somebody means that I'm not going to hold your crimes or your sins against you right yeah forgiving for me is a fresh start the Bible says that his mercies are new every morning right it is as if you have never sinned so if you do something to me if you if you if you betray my trust you you don't automatically go back to where you were before you broke my trust no that's a that's restoration right forgiveness is that I give you another chance to rebuild the trust that you have broken right the same opportunity I will give a stranger to rebuild trust is the same opportunity I will give you to rebuild trust that's what it means to me to not hold your sins against you right but but you've lost your position of trust by yeah youing say and we're not trying to like no I'm just saying make you move the Mark I'm I'm explaining what what what what you know so if um for example a a woman is beaten by her husband right I don't expect her to be like oh it doesn't matter right I expect her to give him a chance to show that he will never beat her again now what does that mean right because sh a woman for example right yeah a guy who is 6ot um three right big hulking you know looks like a imagine me like I'm I'm sorry I said 6'3 carry on why you why are you why why why did you why you put yourself and then now put in this position why I have to slap you down like fair I'm sorry just came out so so a brute guy right right who who who leads with his muscles right when you meet somebody like that you're going to be very wary of of you know this person's physicality right can this person use this physicality to hurt you right now if you're married to somebody who really did not um have that appearance and then physically assault you forgiveness for me would not be that oh that person continues to enjoy your trust and your confidence it would be that he goes back to to the line right and has to prove to you again right in whatever state whether it is you know uh uh we're still married or we're no longer married right but me forgiving you is me giving you the same chance I would give anybody right and that is a is that can be a challenge to do right and that can be a challenge for people to accept right when God forgives us right if think about this if God forgave you you committed more than God for forgive you and he ended up in jail right you committed murder the police arrested you God and you asked for forgiveness God forgives you you're going to go to jail now right there consequences for regardless absolutely exctly there's no condemnation but there's consequences here yes so the opportunity to return to your Noble estate is a process and it's called restoration I forgive you does not mean you're restored it's not automatic restoration requires process you know what I'm saying Yeah question help me check my sh I know you have some questions help me check my this is how this is what I believe mhm if I can't forget I've not truly forgiven this is what for me right if I can't forget I'm not truly forgiven right and I don't I'm not saying that as like like oh if you don't forget you haven't forgiven know say just for me that's how I check my heart quote unquote that's a problematic standard to use fair enough because you must have a lot of confidence in your ability to forget this is a different episode it's not really confidence in my ability with me you feel like God will wipe it out of your memory it's a different podcast there situations where I have asked and it has been wiped off my memory I promise you at the most in opportune time is to pop up in your memory I'm not talking about suppressing I'm I promise you okay unless of course it's a supernatural God wiping stuff from your memory and this is not a common occurrence but there's situations that have I've faced the person and to your point nothing no ill feeling came towards this person and it was organic it wasn't like forced and it was weird but it was not a common experience that's when I realized that okay so so what you're saying so I'm so sorry no no no no no wa I know so what I'm trying to understand is that you don't get offended often right and when you you get offended rarely yeah for you is not an everyday thing cuz how do you forgive the people who offend you every day no I guess what I'm trying to say is like the the the wiping out doesn't happen okay yes so if time but if that is your um criteria for forgiveness what of the I guess you're asking what of the every day that mean that means I've not forgiven so there a bunch of people who you've not forgiven yes really and there no there consequences yes absolutely really I can't lie so what about your wife she must offend you every there are situations in which for that particular context I am sure when I see my heart towards her and I can without condemnation I know I have not forgiven her okay okay so so so there's a big misconception there right I think that sometimes God will do things supernaturally and that's presuming that God really wiped your right your mind right that so so sometimes you know you'll be walking down the street and somebody gives you a check for $5,000 sometimes that happens to you sometimes I'm just okay that's nice so no one hased up to me you're working down gives you $5,000 okay you can't leave off of the idea that every day you walk come down the street somebody's going to give $5,000 I agree so you have to walk I agree cuz you have to eat I agree so there will be times when God will come and supernaturally wipe it yes but the other times you're going to do the work yes now you are not doing the work cuz you're waiting for the supernatural no I'm not I'm saying the way I measure in any instance that's what I'm saying now no but doesn't mean I'm not doing the work to forgive yeah but so you haven't forgiven but if if it's not if it's not being forgotten I have not forgiven where do you get that from this is just it's just it's no because you so I have a problem I have a problem with what you just said right you are not the standard I I know no no you don't know because so this is the thing right there are so many people walking out saying well this is me this is what I believe this is what I think I don't care what you think what I care about because this is the thing truth then becomes very subjective it shouldn't be yes it shouldn't be exactly so we have to look at the the truth yeah right not today's truth yeah but do but do you get what I mean by if if I have truly forgiven I would have forgotten yeah but that's not true though for is forget forgetting is not not suppressing very f line forgetting is not a barometer of forgiveness it's not how you measure forgiveness okay let me go you're measuring forgiveness by your forgetfulness let me let me go beyond the words wait wait you're measuring forgiveness by your forgetfulness right and I'm saying that you can't measure forgiveness by your forgetfulness because if you measure forgiveness by your forgetfulness right forgiveness would be a very rare occurrence right I apologize guys I'm not PF is right I'm not I'm not I'm not using myself as a metric for forgiveness or saying that if you you don't forget you haven't forgiven right I'm not trying to that's what you're saying you do yeah but words are limited what I'm trying to express is I can tell whenever my heart what you were saying my heart towards you there are ill feelings towards you I I have maybe used a word that was too abstract okay when when I'm let's say you you let's say like like let's say you threw a dagger at me earlier on this podcast like she did at me unprovoked like she did at you unsolicited unsolicited unwarranted unwarranted that you have forgiven univen right and but there are consequences absolutely but I have forgiven which which which is also a way where I can tell the the there are there are negative consequences as well to the fact that my heart is hardened yeah even if I can say the right things or to your point even if I can come up with some subjective standard I can say that to you guys and whatever but I can't deceive God where to I I can tell when the consequences arise for my Harden heart but I'm try I was trying to correlate I spoke with a little bit too much so so okay let me interrupt you once more sorry can sorry basically what you're saying what I'm hearing is that you're still you're still hurt yes yes now that's what I said at the begin yeah yeah sorry your feelings follow your actions mhm right you are judging everything based on your feelings I'm still hurt so clearly I haven't forgiven right and you're not you're not the only person who does that most people do that they say that I'm still hurt so they say sh I forgive you right but then they come to say PF I'm still hurt clearly I haven't forgiven but I think some people don't act there's an awareness that to be honest like I'm still hurt I can say that and be honest about it absolutely but it should not prevent me from acting thank you right yeah yes that's the point okay so when you start to act when you start to display Christ towards the person undeserved unprovoked right Grace M like I'm doing to shame right now absolutely yeah my heart will your heart will soften yes right but if you are waiting for the h to go away before you act right the HT might never go away that's my point that makes sense right it's it's it's um it's the irony of it right and it's you know we always talk about how we were made in God's image this is part of being made in God's image right wounds hurt God is hurt by our sin right but he forgives us and he is benevolent towards us even though what we did hurt him right he's benevolent towards us and he goes from that anger right to the love and to the Joy but his benevolence is constant right his benevolence is not determined by his feelings his benevolence is determined by his word right and that is the for me the lesson of or the point of forgiveness right a state where we are able to be benevolent irrespective of our feelings because every time we're benevolent and we don't feel like it we're actually displaying Christ we actually displaying God right it's hard it's hard it's not easy to forgive you know people who say ah forgiveness is easy you've never really been hurt they haven't pressed that one button yeah you know when that one button is pressed your ey we clear do you think it's hard for I know do you think it's hard for God cuz I I see it as almost like making it rain on both just and you just I know as human beings obviously it's hard for us because we thought you know nothing is difficult but I'm not sure if this is my my perspective not that I'm saying that subjective I don't think it's hard for God I think it's just his nature does that make sense even not faithful yeah you know so if it's God's nature then it's our nature I agree cuz we're made in the image and the but our Nature has been corrupted by S I agree that kind what I was yeah and I was going to say like just cuz it's easy for him I don't think that that makes it hurt any less either like he still feels like um the same way we would feel hurt by things he feels the hurt deeply I guess what I'm hearing is you're saying like God feels the hurt we feel the hurt like he like it cuz I think sometimes we just think whatever I'll ask God for forgiveness he doesn't like it doesn't move him he can just forgive us it's like but he actually hurts like I I think he hurts when the same way that if you do something that hurts me he actually hurts as well um I mean I may be wrong but I do think I don't think or wrong thing he feels or hurt um almost similarly like just like an emotion but I think what I'm hearing you say is that forgiveness is an act and I don't think I've ever thought of it that that way I think I always just thought is a yeah is a thing that you do or you say and then eventually feel like your like kind of like love right how love is a an action kind of like something for forgiveness is an action something you do and so even when I guess so then you know that you have forgiven in the way that you act not because of you feel like oh I see this person I'm not hurt anymore it is more so in the way that I see this person I will still love them and I still treat them like they didn't do what they did um and while they have to rebuild trust I'm not going to make it impossible for them or just you know some somebody somebody did me a great in my opinion a very Grievous harm um not too long ago she apologize no no not was on still one to 10 she was like a nine this one like 10 and a half okay wow yeah just messing me and and you know um I I I came to a point where I realized that I had to forgive but I was really hurt really really hurt in fact I was so hurt I said to somebody and I think this is where the person got really concerned I said if this person who Hur me was dying and I had the antidote the solution to so he won't die I don't give it to him can I can I can I do rebuttle I don't I don't believe it I think in that moment you're convinced but if you were actually there you have you have no idea how hurt I was I no yeah but you're right like obviously the moment no no you don't understand I would not have PF so if I if I hurt you and and I was not dying if you hurt me the way that guy hurt me and I was dying on the floor of you like guy die if you hurt me the way that guy hurt me and today I'm telling you in my life in my life in my life nobody has ever heard me like that okay I mean I'm not trying to demean obviously I'm trying to be expensive to you hurt me the way that guy hurt me right you are dying and I have the antidote eh not only will I not give it to you I ask is there a way I can hasten your death and wipe you off the face of the earth I don't know why bu because because you don't I don't wear my pain on my sleeve so you don't you can't imagine how bad it was right I didn't sleep for days you know we talk about something being unwarranted and unprovoked undeserved whatever this was this was this was you know an egregious assault in my opinion no yeah but I I I realized I had to forgive because again God has forgiven me so much right like so so much and so you know I I I I I said I forgive in fact I said it publicly to tie my own hands right but my feelings haven't really changed the pain has not gone away when I think about him yeah the pain is still there but this time around now now if he's dying and I have the antidote I'll give it to him okay so let me clarify I feel like for me the pain can be there but you don't like haror I'm trying to understand now even if you obviously give him the antidote but if the pain can arise but n said because obviously pain arises when you think about the event but you don't Harbor negative feelings what do you mean by negative feelings like like you don't you know you don't think ill will towards him like I wish you know you feel bad about something I don't wish something bad I don't wish something bad to happen to him but if something bad happens to him right I'm not sure I won't smile I'm not sure I won't smile okay but if it is in my hand to help him I will help him okay that's the difference I will help him so would you say you forgiven then oh absolutely I've forgiven him I I'm not holding it against him now if he wants a relationship with me right I will treat him the way I would treat any stranger that wants a relationship with me he doesn't get to jump the line so I guess what I'm trying understand is like if you've forgiven him why would you possibly maybe smile cuz the only reason why you smile if something bad is happening to him is if you are Tre to like not really I'm still hurt I'm hurt cuz you can feel pain but not you know what I mean I feel I can I can I can be hurt by what an an action and I remember the action but I'm human I'm I'm not yeah I'm just trying to say that I'm not trying to I'm just trying to say have you forgive is that yeah oh oh yeah am I the one that caused you the pain I'm I the one that causing him the pain now but you're saying you smile that shows yeah K you know you you holding it against him I'm not holding it against him I'm not holding it against him some other greater being might be against him that's not a me problem good for you I'm like I'm I'm like well that's what you get right go around treating people like this you get this but with my own hand right if that person who wanted to deal with him came to me and said that guy I heard he did this to you he did the same thing to me should I deal with him I say don't I say don't do it I'll say don't do it I was just thinking about when you made a reference to like God not saying you Des you know you deserve it standard yeah yeah yeah I'm not the Mark is the Mark I'm just tell what me Fe would you know you fair fair fair fair fair fair yeah yeah the Mark is don't hold it against I guess so in in that um light um kind of we're talking about restoration and like how that's a process um sorry sh by the way you look stunning today well thank you darling she's single can I say that stuff we'll fix it can we keep that can we take it out stop asking sorry sorry go on go on go on I'm forgiving you problem I have issues I know when we come I get your husband please I have isues go go um but yeah I guess the next question would then be like what does restoration actually look like and is it a do two people need to be I guess the both parties have to want that to happen yeah absolutely you can't I can't restore you if you don't to no if you want to be restored I'll restore you but there's a process to Restoration yeah because if you hurt me like if you Hur me deeply enough my the consequence of that pain is I'm going to push you away that's how I'm going to react to P I'm going to push away the source of my pain to get back close to me right you have to rebuild my trust because guess what not every human being I don't let everybody get close to me doesn't mean I have a problem with them I just don't let everybody get close to me cuz I know what people are capable of you have to show me right but now it's for you because guess what there's already history so now A stranger is not overcoming history you are overcoming history I have to deal with you with the knowledge that I have I'm not going to use it against you but now I know that you have a capability to hurt that I don't know about the stranger stranger has to show me that I won't hurt you you have to show me the same but it's a bit of a of a of a steeper climb for you because I'm not like today I haven't forgotten but then my question is if we are saying that God is the standard does he treat us that way if you go to jail you were a banker and you were responsible for keeping the funds and you stole the funds and God forgives you right is he going to put you back in that room in as a banker yeah in that Ro watching all that money like that no you're going to go through the process again you're going to have to show The Regulators that you're not a thief if no you talking about not say are you saying God what we talking about God God's forgiveness is not abstract right God's forgiveness is Manifest in our daily lives right joh it's not an abstract idea God has forgiven you right if you this crime you committed was against God but it was in in in person here against God and against man me I was about to be like real funny and be like this world that we're living in people that they gu back into roles like looking like we saw you do a b and c why are you here again and and again again I guess it all depends on the situation and the individual right you know like that thing you did earlier at the beginning that terrible messed up thing by the way me and P don't forget clearly the path of restoration of restoration in that scenario right is very it's it's is literally a one-step process right is you know it's just it doesn't require anything right but there's some things that require to rebuild trust yeah you know what I'm saying right there's some things I don't require and there's some things require I'm not necessarily the determiner of what requires and what doesn't require right I'm human right God knows the end from the beginning I don't know the end from the beginning if you put a knife in my back right my memory is always going to yeah you know is the protective instin that God put in us right even invite you to come and eat dinner you just eat knife like you know it's a psychological process that I really don't have control over however with time if you make the Right Moves right I will trust you again the way I don't like because what you guys making me think now the way I see God's forgiveness is like just and unjust rain is going to fall on you sun will shine on you however there are consequences of your actions and that could be manifested to PS points like on on Earth but I still don't see any oh because you are because you did this this rul we told the fragrance of a rose from you versus the person that I don't see like a you know what I mean like yeah yeah I I I think God is um God is is merciful and the Bible says he will show Mercy to whom he will show Mercy Samson is a classic example of what I'm talking about Samson messed up right and God restored him but the process of his restoration was extremely painful he lost his eyes and he you know he died in yeah but but he was restored to the glory that he still delivered Israel from the hand of the Philistines right so sometimes he like Samson and sometimes it's like David the child dies but he remains King right and sometimes like Saul right he loses the throne right when we are in Christ and this is the thing that it always comes back to when you are in Christ right God does not count your sin right you have been forgiven right and many times we look at how God deals with people in Christ right and we forget that not everybody is in Christ let me tell you when you're in Christ the day Jesus died 2,000 years ago all your sins were hiped on him he paid for all your sins 2,000 years ago which means that he paid for your past your past future is Jesus's future M on the cross your past is future to the cross your present is future to the cross your future is future to the Cross you I'm saying so all your sins were paid for 2,000 years ago on the cross you have been forgiven full stop there is no sin you are committing now that was not paid for that is why the Bible says blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute sin the Lord does not credit sin to your account so whatever it is that is going on in your life as a Christian it is not because the Lord is counting sin against you I think someone needs to hear that to be honest I think someone what you just said I think someone needs to hear thatly whatever is going on in your life as a Christian in Christ is not because God is counting sin right he says this is what God say about you you are my righteousness in Christ Jesus that when you are in Christ Jesus you are my righteousness right you are the evidence of my righteousness right and the Bible says that we are in Christ seated in heavenly plac we we're seated in Heavenly places in Christ Jesus so when you think about that right you know that whatever is going on in the life of a Christian who is in Christ right is not because of sin and you know this thing that we do and this is going to cause problems but I'm going to say it here every time you go before god father forgive me for my sins what sins are you asking for forgiveness for remember every sin he paid for was past present and future when you accepted Jes Jesus you didn't you know you you you claimed the sins that he paid for you didn't claim some sins then you come back again and claim another one come back again and claim it all your sins were paid for and every time you go before God and your focus is on your sin right what you are doing is trying to draw God's attention away from Christ to yourself right the attention must always be on what Christ has done I don't go to God and say father forgive me for my sins I go to God and say father thank you for forgiving me me for my sins my sins have been forgiven could it be that thing where the Lord's Prayer you know yeah CU I see I've that but remember that the Lord's Prayer was spoken to people under the old Covenant yeah before Jesus died before the New Covenant before the sacrifice of the Lamb the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world right before by The Works of the law shall no man be justified before the righteousness of faith is the righteousness that is AC acceptable to God at the time Jesus shared that prayer it was the righteousness of works right so and and every time a man sinned in the days when Jesus walked the face of the Earth and before he had to go to God and offer a sacrifice right he had to go to the temple and offer a sacrifice right and that was the prayer that Jesus Christ was praying it was symbolic of that act of going to the temple right after Christ the Bible says the lamb has been slain once and for all once and for all we cannot be slaying the lamb every day you know what's interesting PF this is a very powerful thing for me I had this conversation so somebody was trying to trap me with a whole deal of like why don't we like Christians don't say things the way they are and I brought up the example of the lady that was caught in adultery right yeah and I said that the way Christ had approached her was not was he would have think as the first stone everyone dropped their Stones looked at her as her where are your accusers they all gone Go and sing no more but the person was saying no no we need to go into these things and say what is you know call it speed is speed Christians are too like are too like soft and that's why they make fun of us because we don't lean with righteousness we lean with like oh this great no that's not righteous okay so but that's not that's accusation that's not righteousness so this is is the thing right and that was also before obviously that was before Christ yeah died a lot of fol in church the church has made a grievous mistake and and you know my pet expression to describe it is pseudo Judaism oh yeah you you've talked about this a lot right what a lot of people think of the church is that we are Jews right and they deal with us and perceive US based and this is how we have presented ourselves as being good people our goodness does not come from our works but we have presented our Works to the world as the evidence of our goodness right and when they don't see our works rightly they demand they demand Justice and accountability because we have told them that this is the way God works right but what we don't tell them is this when a man is condemned for his sins right the idea of that condemnation is not to destroy him is to drive him to Christ right so the Bible says blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousness they will be filled right they want to be right with God and everything they have done has failed so they go to Jesus and say I have failed I cannot get right with God and Jesus says well you know what I've done it for you accept the sacrifice and the gift that I offer you and you are good with God right but that's not what the church says the church says accept Jesus you're good with God now you got to get good with God you are already good with God there's no getting getting good with God so when somebody is saying to you that the church is soft we're not holding people accountable he's coming from the place of we're good with God but we're not really good with God we are good good with God right we are good the only way we're not good with God is if the blood of Jesus right is the same as the blood of a bull or the blood of a goat where every day you have to kill fresh blood we have to kill a fresh uh uh a fresh animal right but the Bible says that the the priests who offered the animal sacrifices they don't sit down they can't sit down because they are constantly offering sacrifices but Jesus is seated at the right hand of God because he has offered that sacrifice once and for all he's not doing that anymore the lamb has died my job I've accepted the death of the Lamb I can't accept it every day I live in the truth of it and as I live in the truth of it as I Behold Him right with an unveiled face like a mirror right I become more and more like him I'm not focusing my attention on sin could the fact that we want our pint of blood prevent us from forgiving to tie back is that could that be a when we must collect it back this person come it's not to the problem with that t right I had this confusion with somebody on Sundays this that pint of blood eh yeah is problematic because you see you have many pints of blood in different people's hands the different people who can you know be demanding PES of blood from you there is nobody on this planet that can say I've never wronged anybody and you can't measure pain right because well what he did to me is what than what I did to today how how do you know cuz what she did to you was oh my God I need very terrible I still need I need my therapist but um I think our time is far gone so we're GNA wow that was quick time round it up here um I think the biggest my biggest takeaway was just a like the reminder of like C CHR like the finished work of Christ like like past present future sins he's already paid for we don't we don't emphasize that enough we forget like we're like I I feel like we forget that he's actually already paid we I think we think about like the past like oh everything I've done before God has forgiven me now I have to go and never do anything again because he has forgiven me because if we emphasize that people might just be irresponsible I guess yes people will Bea people will be irons let can tell something if you don't if you preach Grace well somebody's going to take it as license if nobody's taking as license you not they taking a license but they're just lying maybe that's what the leaders are afraid people don't go and do anything oh absolutely that's now so don't so don't so don't tell them because these people they're not ready they will just go and Yak go oh well that would be a different conversation but thank you guys for joining us don't forget to do not forget subscribe like share um let us know what you what you think in the comment section in fact I have a note fromst from production it says um dear viewers oh my gosh thank you so much for your time we are asking you guys not by force but through willingness to please go on all your socials if you're enjoying the podcast we enjoy your feedback help us grow and don't forget bar Avenue Bakery sponsored this we need to get paid so please check the post notes yes show notes check the description God bless you and how to order we'll see you guys next time bye