(0:00)Why relationships fail
a lot of relationships don't go anywhere not because these people are bad people inherently yeah but they enter the relationships for the wrong reason that is that sustainable right for the person who you marry because of money is that what they thought did they think that this marriage was about money or did they think that oh I've got a partner in life there was no way other was going to be fruitful by himself there a fulfillment that comes from doing what you were made to do and part of what you were made to do is impossible without your spouse hey guys um so so what happened was what it was was we uh we were talking having a great conversation and we we didn't we we did not we didn't forget to hit record we forgot to introduce yeah uh actually
(0:42)The 'we forgot to record' intro
wasn't the forgetting we just talking the cuff conversation you know um so I think said something and that triggered today me and I had to interv absolutely that's actually well you know what that's that's I went down exactly but we'll see right when you guys watch then you'll be able to yeah you realize but yeah when you hear when you see this you clock or you hear this whichever I me you clock that yeah this something but it will make sense it will make sense yeah any we appreciate you guys and um please enjoy the video yeah yeah
(1:18)Why I married her: Stability
unfilter I told him today I was like you're one of the smartest people that I know that can sit down for exam you study maybe two three weeks you take an exam and you pass he just had a it like 4our exam he only maybe studied a couple of weeks he sat down 1:00 a.m. in the morning he took the exam passed I said I don't know and You' he taken many exams like that one time you have come back you've told us that you passed I'm like this is why I married you because you are smart stability stability yeah that's a good reason that's one of the better reasons I've heard a lot worse and and honestly I I I I realized that if only we could just be honest with each other right people tell you the people tell you what they think you want to hear and you find out that actually they were doing the exact opposite every
(2:12)Stop lying about his money
woman says Ah Pastor I'm not interested in his money I've not met one that actually says I choose him because of his possessions but then when you now talk to them and say why aren't you talking to this one he doesn't have a job I thought he said I thought he said it wasn't but are you ready to look after woman are you ready to take on woman you have to be realistic your woman your woman is is a woman a burden
(2:36)Is a wife a burden or helper?
is a wife a burden isn't the wife a helper yeah so you're saying am I ready to take on a car note that's your a car note now that's what it means now like are you ready for a mortgage because as you see me so I'm Mion mortgage that's the implication right I mean yeah I I mean I don't know why people I think we are not really recording people over glorify marriage I don't get it I can tell you why because there's some something innate in all of us right that God did not build us to live alone yeah I agree with that but you can you can you can have Community right unless you're cuz the aside of the only thing in marriage will bring you is a safe and secure place to get intimate no more than true it's more than that what else what else could you not can you not get in a a companion okay so so think of forget
(3:26)Are we too emotionally broken?
about sex for a minute right the reason why we are not as open in our marriages or we're not as um emotionally benefiting from our marriages because we're emotionally deficient right the the the the Bible says the two right become one but what we get really is 75% and 25% MH right we're not time yes we're not whole so the full benefits right of that relationship are lost to us right because we do not come to it with all our emotional faculties intact right we we're dysfunctional so we enter these relationships and then create dysfunctional relationships because you got two dysfunctional people and then you look at the relation say this relationship is dysfunctional what's the point right there's a level of intimacy you should have with your spouse I want to say intimacy I'm not talking sexual intimacy right that you cannot have with someone else there are things that I should be able to say to my spouse that I can't say to my best friend I can't right
(4:30)Secrets: Spouse vs. Best Friend
so like like that I guess I'm struggling with that like like what what can I not what's yeah so what for example what would it be that you'd say that you cannot say to your best friend but you my deepest fears right my deepest fears my my my most treasured Secrets right that I do not trust any other human being with right if you are trusting your best friend right with your deep best fears and your most Intimate Secrets it means that you and your best friend are in a relationship that God did not design for friendship right the two shall become one youve become one with another person that you were not meant to be one with right there's something about the intimacy of marriage the sexual intimacy of marriage right that makes it that should make it easier right to be more vulnerable and more to be naked yeah yeah yeah to be naked that's the idea you can't be naked in front of everybody yeah I see that you know what I'm saying we can't you can't be physically naked you also are not supposed to be emotionally naked constantly in front of anyone I think we think we are with our friends but we're not I guess that's why I'm because the way I I'm seeing it from a standpoint of like how you talked about the heart posture right at least as I interpreted it earlier on so if you have a spouse that is not who and then you pour out to you're supposed to pour out to that spouse then it leads to dysfunction dysfunction but if you have a friend that is whole you can't have a friend that is whole but but why because it's not possible because the same friends are the same people in other people in other marriages right we are all broken right right all of us are broken right right but to your point
(6:23)The honesty gap in intimacy
some of us are honest about our Brokenness which is step one right to be honest about your Brokenness requires a level of self-awareness right that many do not attain until their old age and we think we do and then we're constantly met with oh we actually don't have a right we actually don't have a right self-awareness right is not one of those is like a lot of practical knowledge right is acquired through experience your experience with yourself right right reveal stuff to you about yourself just as your experience with people reveal stuff about them the certain situation you've never been in so right now I can ask you to how would you react if this happened and you will tell me right based off of what you think yeah right but then when you get into that situation you react in the exact opposite like wow is that me right right yeah that level of self-awareness comes with experience right and by the time you have acquired it yeah you should not be how I describe this part of the journey to it is that um is the intimacy of marriage right because in marriage you're supposed to discover the other person but you're also supposed to discover yourself you're supposed to grow right in this casual friendships that we have that are based on Free Will so to speak there's no contractual or cultural or communial obligation to that relationship those are much easier relationships much easier if you exex me man I take off I can give you two weeks three weeks right but I still feel like I don't know why I guess I'm struggling I still feel like for me fundamentally speaking it has to be the human being regardless of their role whether it's my mother or my friend or my father or my wife MH there are different roles that you play in my life fair enough because of your title but I'm not respecting your label right like I don't I'm not going to over glorify the fact that you're my mom m like I'm loving Christ first and foremost so if I get that from my friend I will tell you if you ask me where is your brother my brother and sister is right there yeah but but but you but that's not quite accurate because the title the title right many times creates expectation the expectations inter the interactions the Dynamics right and the limitations of it right there are certain things that consciously and subconsciously educationally and experientially that you will not interact with your father on no matter how open he is to it right
(9:08)Fatherhood vs. Friendship
let me give you a classic example your father will always should always approach you from the place of care and concern right your father's predominant um as a father my predominant Instinct towards my children is protection right I think about them from the perspective of protection from provision right that affects my interaction with them no matter what is going on I'm always dealing with them from that Paradigm and that's based on the role and that's that's that's just even take my title away it's it's visceral right it's in it okay take my title away it's visc we can be friends right we can be friends but a friend will say to you let's go skydiving right yeah a father I would never say that to you because immediately I see all the dangers right so if you come to me and say Dad I want to go skydiving I'm going to do everything I can to shut it down right cuz my primary concern is to protect you is to protect you yeah but I would say that it's because of the rule that's what I'm saying yeah yeah but I guess yeah maybe I need to maybe for me it's like okay because my friend wants to go of an example he wants to go skydiving does not mean that that is the quality in which you allow me to to open myself up to them there there are some qualities I think that you see in certain people whether they are your your spouse they are your parents cuz there some parents that like I heard the story I don't know how serious this was but a guy that like a family killing I don't know if you guys saw that recently where he was a teenager that killed all everyone in there that's M yeah but that and then he he he got intoxicated in I think called a cops or whatever some of them actually killed themselves too but and in that context I could my my process was that I don't know obviously we don't know what's going on whether there's abuse you know I don't we don't know we don't know the details of it but that's still your your father that's your mother right then they're supposed to quote unquote protect you and you're supposed to quote unquote acknowledge that protection and then in your own ways not that you won't Rebel yeah right but that is still a family unit in which there was chaos yeah so for me even if it's a family unit in which the father plays their role that is not necessarily a reason as to why I would or my spouse I would open up to you not because you're my wife or because we are one but because of who you are and I think by who I by what I see on a day-to-day basis absolutely but you have to also understand right that some of these things right are not even it's not even a question of statutes or Community it's a question of is innate and inherent it's built into us like I said it's visceral the love that you have for your children no taught you right this child comes into the world and you know as soon as you see this child that you will lay down your life for this child even bad parent yes right they feel guilty whenever they when they do they do wrong right some of them do right but the point I'm trying to make the point I'm trying to make is that there is an obligation right that a person has to you right that is the consequence of their role yeah there's a sense of responsib ibility that affects my interaction and my Dynamic with you that is because of my role take away that title right and there is a change yes my character makes certain benefits available to you but there's a difference between being obliged to do something and then doing something right if if I am obliged to sit down and Cel with you because I am your pastor when I am not your pastor and you come for counseling I'm a good guy so I'll sit down I listen to you but in the back of my head if I have something else to do man I got to see you later right right but now this is all I have to do right right and it extends into marriage right you don't open up and share your heart with your spouse and all your intimate just because they your spouse right they have to be the kind of person you trust right why you would marry somebody you don't trust is another question I mean you kind already answered it because you're looking for the wrong you're looking for the wrong thing right but you marry the right you know you you're looking for the right things you marry a good person right you should be able to open up to them but because they're your spouse I agree there are certain responsibilities that come with that
(13:35)Why your spouse is your destiny
number one the desire to protect you the the the knowledge that my faith and my destiny is attached to yours so whatever it is I am doing right I am doing it in a way that benefits both of us right it is not a question of well I want to I don't want to I'm tied to you right your friend is not tied to you every good thing he does for you it is um you know out out of choice Out of Love Yes out of whatever reason but he's not tied to you right your spouse is tied to you your destiny is her Destiny right is his Destiny right but with your friends man yeah I I see what I see what you're saying that is why even the law even the law right will never ask your spouse to testify against you right not because they your SP may not you know know the facts but because inherently your spouse your destiny is attach to your spouse why can't we can't trust your spouse to to testify for against you even if she see something she might say she didn't see it you see something yes yeah something else because no I I get I get that it's complicated that way yeah I get I get it but I I understand what you're saying I mean you should have friends you can you can marriage is we reduced marriage right we've reduced marriage when God said to Adam and Eve right he says be fruitful replenish multiply and have dominion right everything that Adam was supposed to do he was supposed to do it with Eve right there was no way that God looked at Adam and said he looked at everything he me and said everything is good they looked at Adam and said it is not good that he's alone Adam was good but it was not good that it wasone right and so God made Eve then God gave them this mandate there was no way Adam was going to be fruitful by himself right and there are sudden there's a fulfillment that comes from being fruitful right there a fulfillment that comes from doing what you were made to do and part of what you were made to do is impossible without your spouse right so there is a a level of fulfillment in life that you cannot attain or you were not meant to attain right without that person right so let's use fruitfulness for example right you can be fruitful on multiple levels right but at the basic Elemental level of humanity right you cannot be fruitful without a spouse right you these days I may sleep with everybody so you can you can have but ideally you cannot be fruitful without a spouse and that is one of the basic um to multiply yes MH because imagine you just growing a family what what you could have grown with two people now you have three four five people it I mean multiplies yeah so ultimately you know you can't get the full experience of humanity let me not say that you were not meant to get the full experience of humanity outside of that context right like I said you can have friends and if you're multiplying with your friends there's a problem right that's the angle I'm going to hopefully I'm I'm I'm not giving go and multiply with your friends I'm just I'm not pedestalize friendship or kingship or marriage because there has to be something fundamentally for all roles yeah yeah that that qualifies you not because you are my pastor you're my friend or you my not for against right but then when when you say that we are idolizing marriage for example right I I don't know that I would call it an idolizing of marriage yeah because again marriage is a context that God created to fulfill certain human desires right so it's like I'm trying to think of a good analogy the only way that I can sleep well is if I'm on a bed I can sleep on a sofa I can sleep on a couch but the only way that I can really really sleep well it's on the bed that's where I was made I'm going to pursue that bed right I'm looking for that bed my whole life is defined by that bird because sleep is such an elemental part of my nature right and that is what marriage Wes yeah we can we can sleep anywhere well not going to be as but it's not the same thing as as a bed you can sleep on a a bed is designed to for sleep for sleep yes a chair is designed to sit now you can sleep on the chair you can sleep on the chair exactly exactly we can that's a we can have single parents we can have single parents I mean biologically it's possible Right technologically is very possible Right but the ideal right and every human being knows this every human being know except they educated to know otherwise but every human being knows this that the ideal is to have these children in the sanctity of a union right we all want kids let me not say we all want kids most of us want kids right and we know that the ideal is in this context y we're going to pursue that context yeah I think the the the the what I'm thinking about was what you said earlier on like the the way I know let me use myself that I'm idolizing or something is if like if you marry someone because they are strictly because they provide like if some because of their finances even if that is designed for you know I don't want to use no no no no cuz I want to be clear I would marry someone if I knew what I was getting myself if I was really really I really understood what I wanted to do what I wanted for my life and it was for financial gain then people make that decision all the time I would make that decision but I know what values I have as individual some people they only care about certain things and so they marry whoever they want to marry for that reason but guess what even in the marriage even because of that reason for money you still see how there's a Oneness that still comes as is that possible yeah I don't know yeah that's that's the argument possible I don't I don't think it's possible I think think any if you marry if you marry for reasons beyond what God designed it for I think that's ideology only because you are you are chosing marriage as a means to un end for your own yeah but I also think like that's why that's why I Define okay so if you think about like the principle of sewing and reaping right like for instance let's use the ground if you sew into the ground you do all the things that you're supposed to do it will bear fruit even if you don't do all of the things because of the nature of you sewing into the ground something will still bear in that so the same way I think there are there are fundamental like natural things that God has put in place that if you jump into the thing the thing will somehow happen marriage is different marriage if you marry somebody because of their money you're literally throwing your seed in the air on the sidewalk on the sidewalk and hoping hoping that that it lands in on ph yeah that's literally what you're doing because a you hitch your horse to somebody because of their money right and and the reality about money they can lose it then what then what happens you unhit yourself and find another horse with money right right and there will always be somebody with more money right so if you marry me and I know it's because of my money can I ever trust you that's what I mean by idolatry now I think to your point eser you're now can God not turn something that is bad for good if B realize that okay might know I did wrong I think it's possible but I even think because of the even if somebody just gets married I think there is a natural something that happens it doesn't work like that though you know why it doesn't work you know why it doesn't work like that you know why it doesn't work like that right because the reason why I enter it is going to determine how I conduct myself in it right if I enter a marriage because of money right then the money is my idol is my God right and everything that does not bring me money in the marriage is a problem and the only things that I support are the things that you know so so some you marry a guy for his money and then the guy is like oh I'm too tired I can't go to work I'm going to have a get it together yeah you know what I'm saying we to take care is that is that sustainable right for the person who you marry because of money is that what they thought did they think that this marriage was about money or did they think that oh I've got a partner in life right right you know those kinds of things right the Bible says it says you fall into many diverse and foolish snares and you are pierced with many Sorrows right it's a very sorrowful reason and and you know and think about it right a lot of relationships yeah don't go anywhere not because these people are bad people inherently yeah right but they enter the relationships for the wrong reasons reasons right and then the people don't deliver right circumstances change right you cannot buy a car right because you want a horse and expect that all of a sudden after a year the car will turn into a it is a car you have to put gas in it you cannot give it Gras like Lord it says in your word I know I mean I grew up with B people like d we that you know if I just speak this and that like this horse or this car would turn into a voice and they they really but nothing now happens sometimes God is gracious sometimes God is gracious oh I guess if it's according to sometimes sometimes there's a reason behind it sometimes it's gracious but sometimes you get what you get and that's why I always say to folks right particularly single folks don't choose a spouse based on just your current need right I need somebody I'm struggling with my bills I need somebody to help me pay my bills yeah that's a good one yeah I'm I'm lonely I need somebody to keep me company because I know women that that's that's a good I know people that's I'm cold I to keep me warm what they call it BND um um when it's cold what they call that thing like cuddle season cuddle season right I I I I am I'm you know I'm my hormones all over the place I need somebody to help me no because at the end of the day right you see this is the thing right think about it you marry somebody right because you're horny right yeah you're in that season of life and then you get to a point in your life where you're not honey anymore then what's going to happen to that person cuz that's all this person is good for for sex now you don't need sex what are you going to do with the person so this is a good point because you sex outside you don't need sexmore but now you've got somebody in your house I think this is a good point because to you but this is a good point because when you get in your old you know how the Bible says like well Paul said like if like you know if you're burning Mary right and I think I've heard pastors use that as a reason for people to get married but if I'm being fair I don't necessarily think I think people need to operate in self-control opposed to get married because you're burned because to your point when burning for who I think he he was yes he was burning for the D that's thing you're taking is burning for so you're in a relationship with somebody okay calm yourself down are we recording this I think he is I think he's recording I think so because he's going to use it it's really good though you're in a relationship with somebody right you're in relationship with somebody you're burning for your maiden right somebody who you already in a relationship with got you and you are prolonging the relationship prolonging the marriage prolonging the Fulfillment of that desire what Paul was speaking about right he was not talking about your your blood is just hot just find somebody and just marry them no right because that is marrying somebody because they gratify your sexual desires right and and that's what everybody getting into marri it's a part of the thinking yeah but you know sometimes stuff happens and that's not possible yeah then what do you do women get pregnant and when they get pregnant some women don't touch me for 9 months do not touch me then what do you do some people they get pregnant and you know postnatal depression you know yeah what do you do well you married cuz you were burning now you're going to be in trouble now you're in trouble you have a wife yeah right conr a major conundrum or or you marry somebody because of money yeah and the day the marriage is contracted the day you sign AED line his business goes under what do you do immediately you are in you're already looking for the exit door that's how the devil catches you cuz I know ah we've heard that's why the Bible says you fall into many foolish and diverse Temptations they have heard in their faith and I said in the sermon I preached about it I said our values are not in alignment with God's values right if God says I don't choose I don't count a man's life by his possessions right but we are counting Men by their possessions how do we think we're going to make the right decisions right when God wanted to choose a king he didn't choose the one who looked like a king he chose the one who had the heart of a king how about we look for the one who has a heart for the role that we want for them right you employ somebody with certain skills when they lose those skills what are you going to do if you employ me because of my eyes I'm 55 now I can't believe how much I need my glasses can you see me I can see you okay kind of blood that's so shady but you know know you know but you know what 15 years ago that would have been an insult to me now it's my reality sometimes I can't see as well so if you only IM me because of my eyes BR you only have a limited amount of time but enjoy this eyes for and those are the kind of I'm talking about Mar woman is a size two she gets pregnant and no way you never just you you you have to I think I think right is sh restraint like when come out you have to disturb him ask yourself and those of us and I'm talking particularly to the folks who go to God In Prayer right when you go to God and say Lord I want a spouse what kind of person do you really think God would give to you as if God was a good God right and he wants to do you well what kind of person would he give to you he would not give you the kind of person you are looking for Lang cuz he doesn't look at things like that yeah he's not going to say ah see my guy let me give him one you know B Runway we actually do think we move like that and Esther that's and and I like that was what I was trying to tie back to I I think we idolize marriage because the reasons we go into it are not the reasons that it was designed for and that's not to condemn us but once you see that I think it's easier for us to repent what what do you mean not to condemn us no there no condemnation in Christ there consequences no no no I'm talking about this is not about condemnation and Christ now this is a bad thing is a bad thing yeah but you know yeah but so when you say not to condemn us this is bad I'm condemning you no stop Mar people condemning you I I don't think stop marrying people for money women just because of knacks no of snacks like the kids call it wow this is my point guys this is my point right I a while ago I think maybe one on the podcast I actually said this when you want to employ when you want to hire an employee you have the job description and you find the candidate that is most likely to carry out those responsibilities right and if they fail and what they do is they will turn in their resume right you look at their experience you talk to some of the folks they've worked with right and you do an interview two two or three interviews maybe four right Max five if you are really you know uptight company with an uptight that don't have sense all you companies that are there won't be warned right so maybe you do it like that you know what I'm saying but after maybe five interviews seven interviews you ask you ask you ask specific questions you have a lot of people who need to be satisfied so you bring all of them they ask questions and you decide that this is the guy for the job right and you hire him if he doesn't perform you fire him and you hire someone else right it is based on skill set right not on character on skill set yeah the only job that you should hire somebody for based on character right and their heart is marriage and character and heart is not discovered in an interview right or it's not discovered in one conversation right right it's discovered over time right but we hire people into marriage I'm 45 I'm 42 I'm 5 it's time for me to marry these are this is my list these are the requirements I need somebody who can do this who can do that who can do this and then you bring somebody who can do this who can do that and they talk a good game right because you know I know that this conversation we're having is not about being friends it's about marriage right it's about marriage from the get go I know it's about marriage so I'm going to come for That interview in my best suit right you know I've read up on you right I've gone to your social media lights talking yes you know and then I come prepared for the interview so when you ask me a question so what do you think about um single parents I know you are the child of a single parent like oh my God man we have to we have to give it up for those women shout out to them man they holding it down in spite of the irresponsible guy a wolof I see so so what do you think about um joint finances we strong in you can see that you are you are you an SVP at City well I think you know what you make you keep your money you know I mean my wife I should look after my wife she doesn't need to spend a dime check mind you he hasn't even spent the dime well you see what I'm saying spending a d what I spending a to do is you see I love what Esther is revealing the truth because see Esther is telling me that what she is looking at is his possessions at least that's honest no that's is not only possessions but not only but one the primary is his possessions not primary it's not only one of the secondary something this conversation if if if you can if you can dismiss everything we've said with and he hasn't even spent a dime then that means that the way he spends money is a clue spend it on you no I was only you guys just happened to catch me in that but it was we caught you we caught you no it was really because obviously of the comment that you made around him saying that he's going to do things but he hasn't actually done those things yet he's only just talking exactly but the way that you would know is over time being able to track those things being because like I mean I do I do believe has a man think it's so he is right and you know whether that's a man or a woman how you think is how you're going to or what you believe is what is what you're going to live out in the same way I I agree with you that if he's just talking you won't know until he starts to do the do then you realize that he's a sham exact exactly exactly but do you know do you know why you can get why it's easy for that sham to scam you right let me tell you why it's easy for him to scam you because you're not looking for his heart looking for his hand and you know with your hand there's this thing called the Slate of hands right that's what conmen do right smoke and mirrors they wave their hands around and you get bedazzled and they take your wallet right yeah and that's what happens you're looking at his hand and he he flashes a few twinkets in front of you right and you're like oh my God he's so generous me what the guy has and I'm curious for those that are watching like how do you look at somebody's heart watch them watch them fruits you will know them you shall know them but I guess how do you like that is true but then in terms of like mindsets how do you separate their actions from their heart let me tell you how you separate the actions from their hand watch them in every situation and Circumstance right let me more me when you're talking on the phone and you say to a person so how was work today man work was horrible really what happened man there's this chick that I walk beside She's So Mean she's so nasty you know she did this she what so what did she what exactly happened she forgot to send me an email like you see saying so find out you ask you don't want to be asking so so what do you think of Taylor Swift Taylor who what so do you like you know are you what's what's new now and Billy ellish you know we we we we we we major We Major on the minors right I want to see how you are dealing with people yeah I want to see how you interacting with your family with your friends right I want to see how you're interacting with people who you don't give a hoot about but to your earlier Point PF if the individual is looking at the wrong things m that they won't even think let me tell let me tell what they doing you're looking at how you're spending money on people yeah so they're not I'm I'm looking at his fruits I saw his actions I was looking you always saying yes was what that why you always saying yes yes yes yes but guess for me to he has been saying yes to me he's really and then you now find out that there's more than yes there's more than yes and that's the problem right but if you if you if you look behind that yes yeah you see the character mhm right and when you see the character you're like oh this is why he says yes oh this is why he spends money some people spend money not because they're generous but because they can't stand opposition so they use money to bite right so it's reflex for them I want something here's some money then when you now get married to them and they don't need to give you money to get you to do stuff the money dries up right and then you're like Oh I thought you were generous I'm sorry what where did you get that but what that I was manipulating was a tool of manipul and the person may not even know that they were manipulating the that happens too that happens the point I'm trying to make observe people one of the challenges with modern day structure of our society is the opportunities to observe people as so limited right so and and this is why I I I I I struggle with our current concept of dating and I've talked about this before the way our society is structured now to meet somebody you meet somebody online right and then you take them go out on dates with them right and on those dates in those very antiseptic um secluded yeah those McDonald's boots yes those those those restaurant boots you think you're going to get to know them however if you are part of a community y right yeah where we're all doing life together I catch you on your good days I catch you on your bad days I catch you on your off days I just I'm I I see you right when you don't even know I'm looking at you you don't even care that I'm looking at you you're just being yourself then I know the kind of person you are right now that is lost because of the way Society is structured we're very isolated we're very insul it's difficult but the interesting thing is this right I would expect that everybody who is looking right should be moving towards some kind of community right let me go to this community if the word is out on the streets right that the people who are serious about relationships are the ones in these communities that is where they go to look for people in their communities then people will gravitate towards communities but because we want the independence to be rebellious want the independence to do whatever we like we run away from the communities right we want the the the the um the Solitude of privacy right we want privacy and that desire for privacy then isolates us right so our ability to gather data about people is severely impaired well that's why you know that's why we have local churches yeah but even local churches even local chch so the guys for example pral counseling so let me give an example we have singles events right M I had a conversation I had a conversation on so on Friday this Friday yeah Friday 3 days ago I had a conversation with a bunch of singles and one of the guys you know said um we'd had a singles event a couple of weeks ago and I heard after was that yeah that a lot of single guys didn't show up MH so this guy was saying well the reason why this cuz I as I was like so why don't you guys show up he's like well expectations are high I'm like guy I have no expectation for you I just I'm setting this thing up so that you people can have an opportunity to meet each other that's all but they're not serious it's not that they're not serious it's that they're not wise let me tell you it's a lack of wisdom seriously it's it's it's a it's a Poverty of wisdom they're rich in money but poor in sense yeah if you are looking listen no seriously speaking if you are looking for somebody you want somebody who's real who's authentic right you actually think that the best way to find out their true self is to say to them I'm looking for a wife let's go for let's go on a date what what's going to happen on that date she going to show up as her best self thank you not her authentic self morph yes and and then you're like oh this babe great babe guy you ain't seen nothing yet however at these events right you meet somebody okay this girl not bad but let's let's let's let's keep ushering together let me see how you Usher people let me see how you deal with people who irritate you first thing before you had your coffee right let me see how you do in the choir let me since I cannot work with you at City group or chase or wherever it is you work I can do church with you I can't do village with you because we're here in America but I can can do church with you that's the only place left is it possible that this you know I mean coming at someone that married um and I know your wife yeah so I don't want I'm not like trying to be like I know what it's like to be single or whatever but is it possible that the reason why this man and this this beautiful man and beautiful women single are not getting it when it comes to what truly matters is because that's not what he want let me tell you that's I don't agree with you can I tell I don't agree with I mean I'm all years there's a a a conflict you know how the Bible says there's a war between the Flesh and the spirit there's a conflict between what they want right and what they want what they think they want and what they want they they they they want these relationships but they were also raised right to be extremely self-centered and self-absorbed so they want what they want how they want it that's the problem right they want a job or they want to work from home right and and for a season it was convenient right everybody wanted everybody to work for me right but now people are actually turning down jobs because they're not allowing them work from home and I wonder how long that's going to last right economy is wild right now right the point I'm trying to make is this right you cannot um get to Houston from Dallas without getting a 45 they don't want to get on 45 but they want to get to Houston right and time is going right you want somebody to come into your life right who is perfect for you right but meanwhile you are a messed up Basket Case right and the person I said to somebody okay you want God to bless you but are you are you a blessing to somebody or a problem right you want a husband but you are actually planning to be a burden to him you're planing to be a mortgage to him he has to have money cannot you know in short you want the first thing you do is you check his credit score yeah but yours is 231 you can't afford me but you're checking his own are you are you a mortgage why you checking my credit I don't want problem wait okay so no no no so what about those that have those things what things hear the things that you just said like I don't think there's anything wrong with women going through those checks and balances what checks and balances crit the money the credit yeah there's nothing wrong with that check background check making sure he has committ any crime so so so so okay that is people are mad I mean no complain for me and those things an accurate representation of a person the mistakes you've made in the past no so so when so when accurate so when I was young when I was young I was foolish right I I I I came out of college and they were throwing credit cards at me mhm and I run up a lot of debt but now I'm Wiser but I still have like 60,000 in debt cuz from my stupid days now I'm trying to get rid of it I'm working hard but you check my credit score is 250 just disqualify me immedately ah again you are not a mortgage why is my credit score the issue listen Chase when I was stupid I used to run with some foolish boys yes right and I got arrested so I have a record go check his burger no he's ARR now I me personally f I never got arrested right I never ran up a ton of debt because where I come from there was no credit cards right and two police just you don't do it again exactly but if I grew up in America yeah yeah chances that I would have a record chances that I would have got approached my return on debt but none of that would have been a reflection of who I am right you meet a woman and yes she's had a baby right I know a lady oh wonderful woman wonderful woman wonderful woman she was engaged to a guy right and before the engagement she got pregnant before the marriage she got pregnant maybe a week a couple of days I don't remember the exact story before the wedding the husband died that's so when you meet her right beautiful woman she's got a child po the balloon po what does that say about yeah because does that mean she was promiscuous no but I mean exactly but there's an assumption immediately people don't there's an assumption and a lot of guys be like ah ah we don't carry picking for cuz we project our like yes but this is one of the kindest most generous most solid woman that I ever met right but she had a child right and a lot of guys would not have want to have anything to do with her because she had a child and those guys is was their loss right the point I'm trying to make his this right this person right this person who is this person is this person kind would they treat you well right when I say treat you well I'm not talk about buying you a ton of trinkets right if they had the money to buy you a ton of trinkets would they now they don't have the money right but if they had it would they have it they buy it for you is this somebody who will treat you with respect is somebody who would listen to you right somebody who would hold you in encourage you who will encourage you who support you who will not see you in tears and say what's my business right who hold your accountable my my my daughter got married I I okay so I'm my daughter got married she got married to my first child you I'm an ik man from I and you know I've always had this I have two girls so I always had this um image of what my sons-in-law would be like and my daughter came with a a white boy a Caucasian male I didn't know how you was going to enter it but you just said you know what let's just go cian male and she married a white boy yeah I mean he loves her you know I have watched that boy and you can be sure I'm watching him Tim I'm watching you the way he treats my daughter is the way that I will treat my daughter so the way he looks after my daughter as of now is the way that I would look after my daughter I could care less that he was white that when we're playing afro beat I can see that he's about to said he's getting a headache right I I I would turn the music down mhm right yeah yeah that's wisdom yeah that's I'll turn the music down that's wisdom right when I speaking piging English he doesn't get it I can speak English I went to school yeah I can speak Pig English to serious guy hey Tim how's it doing how are you 's going on how your folks he told me a story he told me a story one story he said he said I was ask him about his father so he told his father Tim Tim is school so he said his father just bought a boat and I'm like oh really he say yeah and he goes yeah he had to take a second job to pay for the boat yeah his father was retired wanted a boat went and took a second job to pay for the boat I said thank you Jesus this boy is coming from people that have sense I relaxed he treats her well he has sense what am I looking for MH I think I missed it why why is it good that he want to go take a second job because he's responsible okay got you okay respons he's not just yeah rocket on credit obviously not by mistakes but yeah he was responsible they hard they hardworking people if you come out of your retirement to pay for what you want right respect I respect that yeah the point I'm trying to make is this yeah what I wanted from my daughter God answered my prayer and I pray that he remains like that amen better remain like that but I wish people would look for that somebody who would treat them well not somebody who buy them stuff okay so there are many unless you are equating treating well with buying stuff you have issues I agree with you need therapy but then you find those people that can do those things and they're not motivated people sometimes so let them so okay but you are motivated so you're motivated for two of us no no no wait I know what she's saying I know go on finish this story wait let I finish no no no so there people no there are people like that that are very nice they have good character all the things they're great but not in great but they're not um L they're more low they don't have money and they're not and they're not CEO material and they just don't they don't have the drive they don't have all the things so what it gives me is like oh you have the nature of Christ but then you don't have the wisdom of Christ confused that's not true H was following you the wisdom of Christ the wisdom of Christ no no I get why say but this is how this is how you you you spiritualize the wrong thing the wisdom of Christ yeah is that godliness with contentment is great gain that is the wisdom of Christ right a wise man understands that spending time with his children and spending time with his wife right and pursuing things of Eternal consequence yes are far more important right than rising up a corporate ladder and running around in the rat race that's a wise man right the guys who prioritize the rat race they're very attractive but they are also the most selfish people you can imagine because in order for you to men are not multitaskers they have to give up something Essen that is why you find the guys at the top right are either on their fourth marriages fifth marriages you see a 65 year old man he's got an oxygen tank and he's got a 25y old girl with him right because she's just Bing her time this guy soon collect his money but the woman he started with is not building indust R Builders right generals men who are testosterone driven like that yeah there's a problem with them with ambition comes a level of egotism yeah that most women cannot countenance but there should be both there should be a balance there's no balance for a camel to pass through pass the eye of for a rich man enter into the kingom you see that's what you don't realize right that's why you don't realize that well I just want to say I'm n I'm almost 9 years in February so shout out though Don't Clap Applause this is the point I'm trying to make this I'm trying to make so if an ambitious woman right marries an ambitious man MH what happens to the family see ambition there ambition no there could be I mean the family suffers to some they like support because they're both to they they hire people they have enough money to hire people yes correct yeah but then the children are dysfunctional right because the parents are not raising them yes okay right because they're not they're not one of the primary needs of a child from conception to adulthood is love affection and attention right yes I cane if both parents are not there to give that child the love attention validation affection whatever what has happened is that that child child has lost a major source of emotional nutrition right so we're both satisfied we the power couple but we're raising emotionally stunted children right how is that wise but they're going to a Schools they're going to I schools but they're emotionally sped even they right yes however one person has the drive one person is driven stupid driven right mad driven we are a team right right you're the drive person I'm the home person what's wrong with that nothing I think the issue is that we want it we don't want to be the driven people we want to be the ones that are at home not not in all cases no you don't no you don't there is no driven but there's no driven person that wants to be at home every driven person let me tell you what driven people do particularly when the driver is a woman from driving yes apart today is back today is really back you guys should have kept him fired sorry go this is the thing that when women are the ones who have the drive there's particularly when the drive is hard they're like ah why am I the one that always driving you two get up and drive they forgotten that this is a season this dry spell this tough spell is a season and then it passes right and then guess what now we've got two drivers and the kids back at home oh yeah you said I should drive now stay at home no no no no no God has given me a desire God has done this me too uhuh what about my own what about my this what about my that oh you didn't know that before I've you know I've met interestingly I've actually met a few women right in in my life in Ministry who are driven and I admire their drive and God always PS them with men who are not and they are so ungrateful stay at home Daddy you I'm talking to you people you know yourselves you are so ungrateful because if God gave you a husband who was as driven as you you'll be a scary drive you let me tell what will happen let me tell what happen no no no no that kind of man you will go home you will stay at home you will with your drive you will swallow your drive and stay at home or that marriage will end cuz those kind of guys don't they don't bend yeah they will drive you mad oh they don't bend I agree with that okay but I think I think women will prefer that really I think some women would prefer that I think the majority the stats I think support the women okay so let me I can tell you with confidence I can tell you without any fear of contradiction yes that women will drive the only one who stay at home for a season that's true yeah so who who are you going to turn on and off like a switch season one season two no which gu so so so so so so let's get this right so let's get this right let's assume you've got you know we get married you've got drive then you get pregnant we have kids so we suspend your drive right until the kids get to so I'm I'm on you know I'm burning you know uh uh jet Fu because you know we've suspended your drive and you think that one day going okay the kids are no longer in school in kindergarten let's turn off the jet fuel you've been burning right that thing is like is like food to me now and I say it's now your turn then my kids would be what my kids a housemid would look after my kids we end the marriage first I'm telling you we end the marriage first that's the thing that you know double-edged swords double-edged sword eh be careful what you wish for you want a a a man who is driven yeah awesome but understand that those kinds of men they are certain type of way you want a woman who is ambitious understand that with those women come certain things it's just the nature of it you cannot be a builder and be a people person your people person skills H they are the tools with which you build your goal is always what you're building not people are they become pawns tools to help you build and your family Sho they'll be all right is all of and all of this I just want to say that all of this is in these are men that are know Christ yes that know Christ but to be fair the woman that is looking for the money she knows Christ to yeah but so so you so Christ should Christ should temper so what is say that Christ should temper Christ should make my Christ should temper my ambition in order to make room for your ambition there no I think there's wisdom what's the wisdom wisdom what's the wisdom time and place for everything there's a season for everything it's not every season that you're going to do everything I would love a practical I would love a practical outlining of of what this wisdom would look like practically so we've got a wife who is driven she's type a yes and type A not type a um baking and you know and uh and uh um what what what's that thing and house oh I was about to say vacuuming but I F like it was wrong you not that kind of type A but type A Corporate America boardroom you know Tak prisoners kind of Ruthless disagreeable yes type A yeah are these this woman is a Believer yes a Believer believe and she's married to a man who is M of the universe kind of type A mhm how does that work well it doesn't work because I haven't I haven't seen an example where that works really really well right the example that I'm even thinking about was I watched a couple on a podcast and they were just talking about like her business and how she started off and the guy was working for a top company and he was on his way to like you know c-level eev POS uh position he took a he actually took a backseat because his job required him to travel so much because of the type of role that he was in he actually took a backseat to allow her business to thrive and obviously now they're millionaires right and you know he was saying in an interview how he kind of began to resent her because he was looking at his Ms and they were you know in the positions that he would have been in if he would have stayed in you know that level that track I'm sure I'm sure this person was was a western probably a westernized um a western an American or a br a Caucasian person not of not an African the wife was black and he was African not not recently African recent African just off the boat African what are you trying to say that's like I'm conf the woman was africanamerican yes but not not so she this the problem what are you trying to say she's not African she African ameran that's from the recent that's from the past they are Africans from the past and they are recent Africans African am people who they not like me and to we are recent Africans I me yes no I'm not a recent African recent afcan you just got off the boat what you talking about if you are if your ancestors did not come here by force you recent oh that's the okayed they weren't it's different so so so so as a Nigerian man right yeah I can tell you this the pressure M of my peers of my Society of my community would make that Arrangement H extremely difficult if not totally impossible no it was difficult you don't understand what I'm saying okay even your own mother mhm right who her daughter is building this multi-million dollar business right he's going to be talking to me like my friend will you sit down your wife is busy running around building business you are changing diaper what kind of man are you are you a man look at what your mates are doing I guess at that point for me it's like it depend for me because it's like okay I know what I they get from this Arrangement so maybe I can just CH the abuse awesome because I clocked that man awesome this person doesn't understand the sweetness of the abuse is coming from the outside MH it will be sweet when the abuse is coming from the inside when your wife is not the one telling you that am I not are you oh when it's my wife yes ah then I would never have married her no no no no no wait wait wait I'll be real because because like what happens with wisdom so remember that story of Solomon where God had asked him what he wanted he could have said anything right but he asked for wisdom right so for me it's like wisdom is always important in my life yeah so I'm already watching the bab and seeing how she's reacting she have wisdom she not talk to me like that I marry her you're still married marry him because again off right there is nobody in her ears right M and when I say in her ears I'm not talking about human beings I'm talking about culture what a man does who a man is is that voice is not in her ears but I think that is important because not everybody allows those things to affect them not everybody really not everybody does I can agree with that every everything for everybody I have not met a woman of recent African descent recent African descent who is comfortable right with being the highflying CEO while her husband is at home watching the kids yeah some of us aren't no don't say some of us I have not met one and I've met a few there's always this thing they always it's like you know how if you make your money from um from if not very honorable means let's say you you run a sewage company a sewage disposal company that's how you make your money from running a sewage disposal compy sayable wait now oh sorry so the cult is is right you know you are run you are carrying you know you're emptying um sewed whatever right well is the is the bread like are you making come come you're making money and then you make your money as CEO of uh Blue Chip you know Fortune 500 company right same money right the guy who makes his money in a suit right yeah there's a bit more respectability right and the guy who has to wear um mask a mask right if if if the you're saying different roles but the income is the same yes that's interesting yes there is it's Society oh you're saying like not him like yes perception so even a high flying woman right yeah even though her husband may even be comfortable with sitting in the back seat the idea that she's the one making the money is a problem for her okay otherwise otherwise there should be no trouble in the marriage Okay so why does she want wait if is not a problem for her why does she want him to have Drive why so so he can have money no no no no no she has enough for us all of us and she has enough drive for all of us why she not cont he has enough from where ah you said that there he's working he's making money no he's not making any money now he's at home with the kids why you have to drive why you have to drive you are driving for us why do we need two drivers when we have one good driver there's only one steering wheel so let me tell why we because a the driver eh yeah worries that people are looking at her like why are you the one driving what kind of husband did you marry because there's something in it in women in men the innate thing is to say this is my wife she does you know she's looking after the family and all that women want to show off a provider women want their pride their ego right needs a provider but I feel like that's like baby though no offense like I feel like you get to a point where it doesn't matter you realize experience that's how you were raised to that's how we raised though I agree with you but Esther and the cohort of recently Esther and Co Esther and Co the recently arrived African immigrants right they they struggle with it they struggle with the idea that I have drive and and you know I have drive my husband is less driven is is is is much more quickly content than I am they struggle with it even though the husband is not trying to stop them right he's not trying to say oh turn your drive down he's ready to applaud them he's ready to celebrate them right you know what you want a house in Malibu I got you babe I'll watch the kids you go for it it's not that the husband is trying to hinder them no no no no that's not the problem in all in all the cases I have seen what the problem is is that the wives are like you two come let's go let's you know what we can afford the house IM Mal if I get it but if two of us are do we can afford the house in you know in Alaska in Bahamas in B I apologize it's only for a season I feel like I feel like you know I'm not I'm not typically the man to be abusing people but I'm sorry I'm so sorry because and this for those that didn't understand that means the lady is unwise dyse unwise this is what I say and I want to ask a question to I'm not trying to make this my this is posst towards you but no no no that's if you have a man me I take it on chest have money shout out sh CH sh but I have a question like if you what would you rather M this is an isolation but just bear with me a man with that works 9 to5 M and is making 75k a year number is even low yeah let's or you have the answer to your question what are you ask what are you asking again what you cuz I'm curious same money I'm curious start or a man but he goes to work wears his suits okay or a man that is a is a garbage collector M but he's earning 500k yeara will take the garbage collector any day okay so I mean she has sense no no no you didn't phrase it let me let me repase it let me rephrase it confus let me let Mease let me rephrase it let me rephrase it a man that is earning 75,000 mhm goes 9 to5 mhm comes home mhm helps bathes the kids feeds them plays with them does homework with them puts them to bed or a man that is walking 9 a.m. till 2 3 4 a.m. is earning 250k it's a good one comes home right he's so tired all he wants is sleep right he sleeps he wakes up and he goes the children are crabby they come into the room he yell yells at them to get out yeah he yells at them to get out right the two of you as you are arriving he's leaving as he's leaving you are arriving right who's watching the kids um you know you brought one Auntie from Africa you know cuz she charges in you know dollar to NRA conversion it works for you it's great yeah so you know you are paying her you know the equivalent of whatever right so you know she watches the kids you know she's bonded with the kids she's really good for the kids but the two of you never there which one would you prefer that's a good one my values as a Believer it has to be spending time with the it has to be the family unit so I would choose someone that Mak wait now so you choose the 75 I would but every day you be disturbing him that he needs to do a little bit you see my problem do you see my problem and and this is and this is the thing you want to eat your and have it the kind of guys the kind of guys this is the thing that please if you're listening to me understand this the kind of guys that want to stay and and watch the kids and bath them and all of those kinds of those kind of guys honestly I promise you nine times out of 10 that kind of guy very content with his 75k and if you left him alone he would be the happiest man in the world but why is he content because he doesn't he what he's Happ he can pay his mortgage he can pay his car notes he can he has money for vacation you are the one that wants to uh well you're the one that wants to carry balaga the 75k is not enough go to maresh how much are you making enough we combine the two now okay we combine the two you see the Bible says the Bible says the two the two the two have become one we have become a team right in every team yeah this is the problem in every team you have somebody who's a striker right you have somebody who plays forward they have somebody who plays defense unless like now you first no Striker well I I I really don't I don't I don't they always been nonsense anyway but anyway but you know what I'm saying right you have somebody up front they have somebody at the back right that's what the team does because we recognize that we have different strengths but when the striker right is so focused on striking wants just to keep running and does not pay attention to the value of keeping the goal the striker is always trying to pull the defender forward and if you succeed in pulling the defender forward your your goal is empty he exposed it's very exposed so you score two goals but you lose 5 52 thank you and you complain that we lost or or or score a goal score two and we prevent the people from scoring another seven you're winning the game but that's not what we want we want goals because we it's it's possible it's not possible you cannot PF is saying you cannot have serve two masters put me money and you see ladies listening let me tell you I'm a guy and I know guys who are like that great guys great guys they're guys like that they're great guys awesome guys good men good men eh mhm and they are very content and then they are men like me yeah the word that describes men like me I can't use it in polite circumstances this is pg7 no but this is uned we are jerks I'm telling you jerks if not for Christ my wife would have left me I'm telling you to build Esther anything and I've been in this construction business so to speak for a minute there is a focus that is required that makes no room for anything or anybody but that's why they're see that's what I'm saying there okay so for a woman that has drive it's not all her life that she wants to have Drive she will pick and choose what is wise for her family really what about the husband in the same way he should do the same but the problem is that the times where the man is supposed to step up he's not stepping up what is the time when he's supposed to he's balancing no what what the time what the time what's the time when he should be stepping up tell me the time when you should be stepping whenever I guess whenever she's stepping yes whenever she yeah and who who decides that the situation I guess yeah between that's what it's what they have agreed on I guess really who agreed to it listen it's what they have agreed on let me tell you the kind of guy that engages in that kind of conversation with you yeah that says okay I will step up for six years then I will step down that kind of guy it's harder for a rich man to to find that kind of guy let guys see guys and I'm sorry if I sound um very um you know like you're bashing the dudes I'm not bashing the dudes I have a lot of respect I have a friend actually very good guy good guy when that guy is with the kids oh my God he's matchless but every time he gets a job it's a struggle but the Wife puts him under so much pressure right so he's miserable he's miserable because he just doesn't do well in that Cutthroat environment remember she she's thriving in it man she's slashing burning taking no prisoners right in both home and work no she's not she she she can't she can barely function with the kids but let it not be said that her husband is watching the kids so this these are this is wait I think this is the scenario right you have a woman right because we have a you have a woman that when they first get married she let's say she's making 100K M let's do 150 15060 I know a lot of women in Dallas that are making that much right evenes no no like doctors doctors are making 250 you know I mean man shout out to those ladies yeah you know engineers other the things and um they get married they get married and they're with a man that you know maybe makes to your point let's say he makes 85 or you know 75 or whatever the goal is and we're going to work we're coming home we're cooking we doing all the things we have even if we don't have capacity we're figuring it out one way one how right so then by the time we start having kids it's like we were able to do it why can't you do why can't you be equal to what we're doing why is that not possible I'm sorry what why can't it be equal how come you cannot go to work go to work yeah come back home yeah and do the exact same things that we're doing let me tell you why let me tell you why I would love for the world to be a certain way I would love for women to be a certain way right and I would love for men to be a certain way right we cannot live in the world as we Aspire for it to be we have to live with it as it is and one of the problems with our society and our culture is that culture and Society have advanced so far right but human beings have not Advanced with it let me give you a classic example women claim that they want independence right yeah and and it's true but at the same time they want somebody to open doors for them right they want somebody to hold the door while they walk through they want somebody to treat them like um a lady right there's an innate thing in a woman to be provided for right yeah but they say they want to be the provider right they not saying that oh they do oh they are no some of us are not saying that wait now let me tell why you're saying that let me tell because with the pro the provider determines he who pays for the music determines the tune but why can we both do it I no no that's how confused because please I'm confused because the lady that's making 250k M why did she marry someone that's making kids they said because they're married for love for character no that's not true no no no no no no no no no so so okay so I wait wait wait I'm so sorry that's not true the woman making 250k calm down marries a man making 75k mhm why right no she loves a good guy you if you love him then you if you really loved him what you guys are saying would not be a problem which not what I'm saying what else I say so I don't fall for the The Superficial and his surface level points no let's assum today let's assume let's assume let's assume let's assume I'm I'm you see I refuse to go there but I I get you but let's assume that she loves the guy she's not just trying to get married she just doesn't what misses by her name she really loves the guy right genely any wom like that no no no Cal down genuinely loves the guy is not that she's wants to be married at all cost she was genuinely lost not like she's very ambitious she's getting she wasn't get married no no we're not talking about those kind of we talking about genuine affection and love R ones it's not go wait wait so she marries this guy out of genuine for the right reason pressure for the right reason so between between the two of them between the two of them between the two of them there is $325,000 income right yeah that was quick math though yeah it's pretty good yeah $325,000 between two of them right why do we need more because we are not satisfied why are we not what what what wait to 32 $5,000 between the two of us M yeah and our children have the benefit of a parent M all the time why do we need more because at some point in time the woman will step down step down why because of children oh okay so she wants to step down she really wants to step down she wants to step down but maintain no no she doesn't want to step no wait no wait I wa first go she really wants to step down she wants to step down yes okay so she's not trying to step down mhm right mhm and she wants to step down and just be like okay you go chase the money I'll stay at home and look after the kids m is that what she wants yes it's not it's not that she wants to continue do what she's doing no okay so she wants to make less than 250 no she know she wants she wants to make less she wants to make so she's ready to start making 75 while he makes 250 uh really she is wants to maintain 25 okay no no no it's okay no yes I st in that in that in that in that instance in that circumstance absolutely no problem and that what I'm saying is that that is what people are looking for what they looking for let me what they look let what they're looking for let me what they're looking for let me tell what they're looking fora and be honest what we what they're looking for is that they will keep making that 250 MH and that the guy two can be making 250 no I think this is actually what it is the woman is fine with making 75 as the man goes to make his 250 and the the the but he doesn't have the drive he's okay with 75 he's ready for us to move into an apartment it's not that I was making 250 you making 75 then when I came down you didn't have ambition to go to 250 you wanted to stay at 75 MH why don't why don't I why can't I stay at 75 I didn't marry you for your 250 like you said it's not fair in this Society Co possible well well I think I think I I think at this point at this point we should let this just FYI I have no problems with you know I love I'm surrounded by type a women I love them they have been a blessing to me um I believe that every parent has a responsibility to the family it's not just the wom's responsibility or the man's responsibility I think we should make decisions on what is best for our families in ways that work for us within the context of who we are right and I think that God equips every family with a Defender and a striker sometimes the woman is the striker and the man is the defender and we would be a lot happier and have more peace if we recognize that and stop trying to turn our spouse into US yeah so Esther and all the other ambitious dream Esther and Co don't get in trouble my marriage is not your marage my relation without your relationship Esther and Co I want to encourage you right your weaknesses make your spouse's strength relevant and your strengths make their weaknesses relevant if we were exactly alike we wouldn't need each other that is true sounds like something out of a book I like EPF um thank you thank you thank you so again guys how you get here I I mean it was good it was organic it was it was unfiled it was it was fresh if if you like what you're listening to and you're enjoying the the bant typ but not just the B typ but the wisdom yeah um from this conversation or the lack of it yeah not because any woman that or any guy I'm but if you guys enjoying it please again um I keep I want to say like subscribe share but I feel like that's YouTube follow us on socials um share it with your com comments yeah yeah everything give us your feedback uh we appreciate that and uh yeah we'll catch you guys next time peace later unfilter [Music]