(0:00)It's your life, not mine
In my role as a pastor, my job is to counsel. I'm rarely directing or instructing. It's your life. So, I give you my opinion. What you do with it is your business, right? So, for me, it's never that serious. It's your life, right? So, if I say to you that, well, I think this course of behavior is problematic based off of scripture. And you're like, okay. And you go and do exactly that. It's your life. Yeah. So, I don't have any vested interest, so to speak. And I tell people this sometimes that, you know, I have actually no I have no skin in this game, right? If you go left, it's your life. If you go right, it's your life. Unfiltered. Hi everybody. Welcome back to PF Unfiltered.
(0:42)The new season dynamic
What up? What are you doing on your phone? I'm just looking at the comments that they uh what comments comments really good comments. But let's keep comments. Sorry, it really distracted me. How you guys doing? Hostess with the mostess. My name is Esther Griffin and I have controller. Welcome back, guys. Clearly, we're back. Yeah, you got more serious new season. We're not what you call yourself again. I'm older now. T-Mac. Big T, not the little one. Hey, the capital young T money that always got money. Always balling. It is for trust fund. Oh, okay. You guys are trust from babies. Yes, man. Point. Don't stop praying. What are we here? What are we doing here today? Why did I come into the studio today? Tell us. Yeah, you tell us.
(1:36)The Pineapple Pizza War
Why are you here? Because we're talking about how to disagree. Well, that's what we're talking about today. What we're talking about? Yeah. Yeah. Cuz we don't know how to disagree. Well, wait, what do you mean we? What? What are you talking about? Who's the we? We. All of us in conjunction. I disagree. I disagree very well. An example of that is should pineapples go on pizza or should they not go on pizza? Okay. So, so, so I have very strong opinions about, right? I think that pineapples are an essential component of any good pizza. Okay. I feel like pineapple adds a hint of sweetness, right? Cuz you know, um, pepperoni can be a little sharp. salami with just some pineapple with some um jalapenos. Okay. Oh my god. The combination is fire. So, how long did it take you to think about that? Pier, not long at all. That wasn't long. I don't I don't I don't I don't agree. I don't agree because from where to where pineapples on pizza you said so you so this is how I know that PF PF is being you're being I can show you my last pizza order. But see, so pineapple on pizza because of the sweetness, right? Just a little sweetness. A hint of sweetness. You like uh sugar in your beans. I don't eat beans. Do you like uh wrong example? Barbecue. What? Like just just the barbecue. So now he's a little sweet and say do you like do you like barbecue? I don't. You know PF only eats rice and beans. Abby rice and stew. Sorry. Your fox don't slander me. Beans and stew. I will not soup to such levels. So you you you you indulge in pineapple and pizza consumption on pizza. Your tone is a little um derogatory. I apologize. It's a little you know understanding right and and I think it's actually not necessary. We're talking about food. There's no need to be you know um um you know need to be like that. Yeah. You're right. what I said if you would listen right you open your ears when you are disagreeing with people to listen to them okay little hints of sweetness barbecue sauce has a pervasive sweetness right a pineapple little bits of pineapple little chunks of pineapple here and there you take a bite right and it's just a little you know why because the juice from the pineapple now why would you say no I'm talking about my experience what I like you see this is the problem You guys respect why you don't disagree properly. You don't listen. It doesn't. It takes it takes two to I mean, don't you have to disagree? It takes two to disagree. Well, no. Absolutely. But but it takes one to listen. I'm sorry. What does that mean? Yeah, cuz I don't I don't understand. So when you sound bites, it takes one to listen. People should be listening. But when you said this is why I said coming you said that we should listen and Es was it takes us to disagree. I I want her to just escape quickly. I say no no no PF is saying we should learn how to listen. So it's one person I I think it's critical right that we talk
(4:49)Why we can't disagree
about this thing because a lot of relationships struggle. Mhm. Right. because people feel unable or people are unable to disagree and because they are unable to disagree issues are not resolved and things that should be conversations turn into conflict. Yeah. Right. And conflict inevitably can be very um destructive when it is not properly um um managed. So I think this is an important topic for us to be looking into today about how to disagree agreeably. Yeah. And you know for some say why why are we talking about this? This is exactly why we're talking about because so many of us do not disagree. No no every every every disagreement
(5:32)From Talk to World War III
turns into a a a knockdown dragout fight. Every disagreement turns into World War II. Right. And and it doesn't really have to be like that. You know we're not going to agree on anything. It's impossible that we agree on everything every time. Yeah. Right. If we agree on everything every time, then we're going to end up not really getting too far ahead in life. Yeah. Right. Particularly with couples, right? Um even with friends, right? Life is so multi-dimensional. One person does not have a monopoly of all the views, right? I can see what I can see, but there's so much behind me that I don't even know is there. Yeah. So, if I'm unable to interact with you, right, and come to consensus on the things that we disagree on, then I'm going to get into trouble eventually. I'm curious with you being a pastor for
(6:22)People pleasing the Pastor
as long as you've been a pastor, was there anyone in particular that just didn't agree with you when it came to certain things in their life when you were advising them? It happened and it was like a agree to disagree type of situation. It it happens all the time, right? And what can you give us an example of that? Yeah. What usually happens is that people will disagree but not be open about it. Yeah. Right. So I'll have a commercial with somebody and I'll say, "Well, this is what I think. This is what I think. This is what I think." And then they'll be like, "Okay, okay, okay, okay. I agree. I agree. I agree." And then you now turn around later and find out that they didn't agree. But you know, and I think it's a cultural thing. When you're in a place of authority, people generally do not, you know, in your face disagree with you, but behind you they're going to do what they're going to do. Do you think it would have been beneficial for them to disagree with you there so that it can be I guess talked out? I think so. I think it's important right in every conversation that you are as honest as possible, right? But the truth is this. The Bible says as much as it is up to you be at peace with all men. It means that there are times when you are not able to be at peace and it's not, you know, is not your fault. The Bible says do not cast your pearls before swine because after they have trampled your pearls on the ground, they will gore you. Right? So sometimes I I get why some people might not say anything because what's the point? Yeah. Right. Um do they feel like do you feel like people feel like that about you? Like what's the point? I don't know. I don't know what people are thinking. There might be situations too. I want to introduce a different um context where like the person might just feel they don't want to feel bad like a man if I decide this is how I really feel but because it's a man of God is a pastor. And people people just people people sometimes are are just in the moment they don't even realize they disagree. They go back and they think about it and say, "You know what? I'm going to do what I'm going to do." Yeah. Right.
(8:11)I have no skin in your game
And in my role as a pastor, my job is to counsel. I'm really directing or instructing. It's your life. Yeah. Right. So I give you my opinion. What you do with it is your business. Right. So for me, it's never that serious. It's your life, right? So if I say to you that, well, I think this course of behavior is problematic based off of scripture. And you're like, okay. And you go and do exactly that, it's your life. Yeah. So I don't have any vested interest, so to speak. And I tell people this sometimes that, you know, I have actually no I have no skin in this game, right? If you go left, it's your life. If you go right, it's your life. Does not bother me. But I'm not disagreeing with me is the list of the of the potential of the of the of the scenarios where disagreement is problematic. I'm more concerned about people who disagree with um with folks that they are in um what's the word in in in in contact with. Yes. In relationship with they are yolked to yoke to that they are bound to like like parents like kids, spouses, friends. I'm not yoke to anybody but my husband do. Parents, parents are easy parents. The
(9:24)African Parents vs. Transitions
Bible is clear with parents, right? Parents, the Bible says, "Honor your father and your mother." Mhm. Right. But doesn't say obey your father and your mother. Right. It says leave and cleave. Actually, yes. It says for this cause shall a man leave his father's house and cleave to his wife. Right. But people, particularly those of us of African descent, a lot of parents do not know how to navigate the transition between being uh the the lord and masters of your life to being counselors. Wow. After you've had five children, they're still trying to direct your life, right? And then the issue of disagreement becomes fractious, you know, because they still want to control, right? I think that
(10:04)Listening to understand (or to counter?)
any relationship should be based on mutual respect. Mhm. Right? And the and the foundational belief that you are a human being and God gave you a brain. Right? And so anything you have to say is worth listening to. Even when you're talking rubbish, right? Even when I think what you're saying is rubbish. Yeah. I need to give you the respect of listening to you and thinking about what you're saying. Because what we do generally, right, is that we don't listen to understand. We listen to respond. Yeah. Right. And if you're listening to respond, you pick on the first thing the person says that fits into your response, right? And you don't hear what they're thinking. You don't see what they're feeling. You miss so much on what is being communicated to you because your mind is on how to counter whatever it is that they're saying and that's not productive. Yeah. Right. Um we have to listen to each other. Yeah. So when TW was going on that rant about you know um like like a Casey boy it was intentional. I was trying to show our audience you understand how how obact how we can be obnoxious I was being to cast suspions right on my um your character on my on my person on my humanity. You were sounding very condescending and patronizing in a very disparity tone. Oh Lord. That's what happens, right? When you disagree with somebody and you're like, "What are you talking about?" Because it sometimes it doesn't it don't be making sense. That that that expression it doesn't make sense. I find unbelievably offensive. She actual words where it don't be making sense. It don't be making Can I be honest with you? When somebody says that to me, right, it doesn't make sense. I immediately get asked. I am immediately irritated. Like what are you trying to say? I'm dafted.
(11:57)Why 'It Doesn't Make Sense' triggers
Say you don't understand what I'm saying. That's what they mean. Don't say it doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. I'm incapable of making sense. Yeah. Say I don't understand what you're saying. There are ways to communicate without being offensive. Right? You can say I don't understand what you're saying. You can say what exactly do you mean? Saying it doesn't make sense. What nonsense are you talking? What rubbish is that? If someone says that to me, that is not being disagree. That is that's being offensive. That's being offensive. That's how we talk. That's interesting though for me. I'm not just saying like if someone told me what you're saying doesn't make sense. I'm not as upset. Depend on the person. The person doesn't saying he's stupid. You know what I'm saying? Like I'm not like there's a difference. Your point is the words thing. It's there's a difference on the words because I don't think what if what if we were talking I was like well that doesn't really make that much sense. I'm okay with that depend on the context. Seriously, I don't I I I I wouldn't accept that. It will turn the conversation fractious immediately for me. Okay. Because because once you say it doesn't make sense, the my interpretation of it is that I am not making sense. I am talking intelligibly, incoherently, you know, I'm talking Jewish. Now, I have another question. How can you say it in a way that is that will be agree agreeable to the person? I don't understand what you're saying. I don't understand what you're saying. which for some people that will still make him piss him. But what if you understand what they're saying but it's not but them they don't realize that what they're saying doesn't make sense. Right. Okay. Don't say don't make sense. Don't
(13:32)The Wife vs. Husband Logic
so so this this this is what happens right and and I have this problem with my wife. My wife believes that if you understand what she's saying you're going to agree with her. Right? And I'm like I understand you. I don't agree with you. Right? I understand the logic. I understand the rationale. I understand the emotion. But I don't agree with the cause of action with the conclusion. Right? I can understand and not agree. I understand how they cook beans. But I'm never going to put that is in my mouth. So far, no. Wait. PF. Anytime we're talking talking about food and you don't like that food, the journey that you take to insult that food is always f food is inanimate object. It cannot be insulted. I mean some food comes from an anime object like what like meat meat problems with meat I don't insult meat I don't insult cows but avocado you insult it's not about living so thank you so I don't insult avocados I describe my experience of it and what it reminds me of avocado has a texture that is similar to oh god petroleum jelly nah this is season three I I'm I'm 100% positive that most of the audience already know how you despise avocado. I don't we don't even avocado. Avocado is my dis. Yeah, you despise it. Sorry. It's not even worth No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's what it's what do you call it? A pseudo fruit? A full fruit? I don't know. Is that what a tomato is? Yes. A tomato is a fruit. But so what's a what's the other thing? You said sudo fruit. And a f fruit. Listen, she does this intentionally. No, because I hear these things and I'm like from where to where where is the language from? I don't understand. No, it's fake. So, I don't understand how avocado is a fake fruit. People say avocado. Is it a fruit or is it a vegetable at this point? Like, I don't care what it is. Should not be on the planet. No, I feel but I feel like we're disagreeing well too well on this episode. I don't think so. I've got I've actually got issues with the way Esther has responded with the whole I don't make sense. Wait, no. I wasn't talking to you, you know, telling me about barbecue. Sorry, PF. Now, on that point, just she said she wasn't talking like So, is it Yes. Is there a world where like the intent even though obviously you can't discern that immediately, right? Where okay the person used the words it doesn't make that doesn't make any sense but they don't mean it that way. So this is what I do and I know it's going to sound like um but this is what I do when people do what Esther yeah people like what they do those things they do. So so this is what I this what I thank God there's a relationship there. I always always always ask for clarification right? So this this is how it works. I say something, somebody gives some, you know, um, problematic response. I'm going to ask you, right? Are you trying to say? And that's an opportunity for you to walk it back and say, "Actually, no, that's not what I'm saying. This is what I'm saying." Okay, if this is what you're saying, then we continue tone. I'm not going to go from zero to 100 because I think what she said is problematic. I realize that I do not know what is her intent. I can't read her mind. Right. So, I will ask for clarification. Yeah. And if she clarifies and said, "Yeah, I'm trying to say that you're dumb." Then we will have words. Right? But if she says, "That's not what I mean. I'm just trying to say I don't understand what you're saying." I'm like, "Okay, next time say that and then we'll continue." Right? Where does tone come into play? Because in my in my relationship with my spouse, sometimes when I get extremely animated, even if the words I'm saying are polite, it might be intense and it could come off look like, okay, this guy is uncultured. people have said um there's a study that says and this is a bit I I don't remember the exact details 7% of what we communicate come from our words the remaining 93% come from our tone our body language our expressions right so if you think about it right what you're saying only carries 7% of weight in what I receive as your communication right so your tone matters your body language matters The expression on your face matters. So when you say to somebody sorry, sorry is sorry, but you say it in a way that makes the person think you're being passive aggressive, right? Or you're being dismissive or you're even belittling them, then they don't respond to your words and you're going to be like, "But I said sorry." No, you didn't. No, you didn't. Go quick. Mhm. Can Can you judge these three stories? Yes. Sorry number one. Okay. I'm so sorry. Okay. Sorry number two. Sorry you. Mhm. Mhm. Yeah. And sorry number three. Sorry. Sorry number one has a bit of a genuine ring to it. Sorry number two is like why you being such a difficult person. Yeah. Number two is like man get out of here. You want sorry that's what we do. And then we turn around and say but I said sorry. No you didn't. And that's the problem when we're disagreeing right? We don't pay attention to like I say to my wife sometimes when we're talking I say you can tell when I'm starting to get irritated. Why do you continue down that lane? Right? Because you're not looking at me. You're more concerned about driving home your point and that that that disconnect from the person you're interacting with always causes problems and analysis. I think the key basically for me when we're talking about disagreeing is being present in the disagreement, right? In the sense that you're present, you're present with the person you're disagreeing with. You're you're talking to them, you're looking at them, you're listening to them to understand because you might find out that they may change your mind. Have you ever have you guys ever been in a situation where you are so sure of something, right, and you get into an argument and then halfway somebody says something, you're like, "Oh, okay. I didn't think about it like that." Yeah. That only works whenever I'm I'm calm. Emotionally compromised. It's really difficult. What do you mean by emotionally compromised? You know when I just you're angry. Yeah. And now try and be reasonable. Reasonable. Let me wait. Let me pause. Let me ask clarifying. That doesn't happen. The key then is not to allow yourself or to not create a scenario where you're emotionally compromised. Right. And and the way to do that, yeah, is by making sure that you are coming to the table with good intentions, right? I'm coming to this conversation with you, right? And I think what we're talking about right now is even conflict, more conflict resolution than disagree disagreeing. So I have I have a question because I was having this um disagreement or we're trying to agree agree to disagree, right? And the conversation was around should um Christians own liquor stores. Okay. And so my take was I would own a liquor store. Really? I I must sit up for that. Absolutely. Ch-ing ching. All about the Benjamins, baby. So what you're saying basically is that there's no limit to what a Christian can do to make money. I I know. I think there's a limit. Okay. But I think What's the limit? What's the limit? Why you trying to put me on the spot? Like I don't understand. I would not own that. No fun. I wouldn't own an adult store. You own a liquor store? Uhhuh. I would own a liquor store. You own a No. Is this This is a family podcast. [Music] Wait, explain to me. I would own a liquor store. And she said she doesn't believe any believer should own a liquor store. Okay. Why would you own a liquor store? Because it can be profitable. Absolutely. But then there's are you saying that profit over over what exactly people Christians drink. There's nothing wrong with drinking. Yeah. But then when you're selling liquor, there's an assumption that you are facilitating inebriation. Okay. That's an assumption difficult though because but just like when people own drugs, okay, owning a drug store, right? There are many different drugs there. People come abuse it. Yeah. Yeah. So in the same way, you can have the same argument for that. Yeah. Cool. So, are you going to say you're not going to own a drugstore? So, so, so what you're telling me basically, and I'm trying to understand this, yeah, is that you can you can't get drugs without prescription. Got a prescription, right? If you got a In America, in America, if you got a prescription, right, you're given a certain number of of of tablets, for example. Yes. Which is supervised or you know, there's medical people involved who know about those things. Alcohol, somebody can walk in and buy a gallon size bottle of vodka. Okay. Right. And you know, right that this gallon size bottle of vodka, this person drinks all of this thing, they're going to die. But if somebody takes a whole bottle of Tylenol, they will die. Yeah. That's what it gets difficult. I said the point I mean it gets difficult. No, I'm trying to understand drugs as well. Yeah. Right. So, and her argument was that she doesn't believe that. So, so, so I'm so sorry. I just want to understand this. Tylenol and vodka are two different things, right? They're two different things, but their views can still be the same. Yes. die from from overdose. Correct. Interesting. Yeah. I never figured that you'd be a purveyor of alcohol. Me, honestly, to be fair to be me neither. I never thought I always You kind of gave me the the vibe of the opposite vibe. Well, that gave that vibe because I actually do not drink. I'm not a drinking person. I don't really drink alcohol. However, alcohol or you you don't drink frequently. Cuz people always do that thing where they say you don't drink, but what do you mean? I don't drink a lot. I don't drink a lot. When I go out casually, I have cocktails and stuff. Why would you sell alcohol to people? I just I'm sorry. Why don't you drink a lot? Because it doesn't taste good. I see. It only tastes good when you add it in a mix. Would you drink a lot? Yeah. I mean, it's like candy then. You know what I mean? Like like smearing off for example. I mean, we're not promoting any alcohol here. I'm just using it as example. smearing off. When I was growing up, when I was around like 16, 17, my sisters would buy it and they would drink it. And I tasted one. I was like, "Oh, this is really good. It just tastes a little sour, a little bitter, but it was really good." Well, I I'm so sorry. Can I ask you a question? You're a Christian, right? Yes. I I know that and I understand your faith. You think so? I think you're a Christian. What do you mean you think about I just want to declare I'm a born again believer. I am a disciple of Christ. Absolutely. Okay. Amen. I vouch I was going to vouch for you until this conversation. Now I I pause and hopefully this question might be able to give me some clarification. So are you are you are you not concerned about how your prophet might make your brother sin? You know cuz the Bible says that if your meat will cause your brother to correct to sin then I'm concerned. You're concerned but not enough to not set up the store. Okay. That's like saying for a woman the question I ask you because of the this is what this is what people typically rebutt with like did you just turn your water into wine? No that's actually not what I was going to say. I had there could also be a nobody was I mean the way they were saying why didn't you give us well but we don't know but nobody was because no but people were getting drunk into the text. What was text? I'm talking about texture. Were people not getting drunk? Even Esther would not know if like her a liquor store would be the people that are buying the liquor would be the ones. I was going to say something else. Okay. All right. Sorry. I was going to say something else. Right. Doing well. No. Even if you say so yourself. So yes, I want to hear what to your point. Right. I need Would I would I be concerned? I would absolutely be concerned. Right. In the same token, that argument can be said for women that have that have a great body. Right. Does she now have to wear clothes that cover up her body completely? Wait, wait, wait, wait. Don't even No, no, no, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry. Real quick, real quick. I'm so sorry. See, arguments can be made for that as well. So, are you not going to say because of her? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Back up. Back up. Back up. Okay. Clearly, you want to go there. Well, before we go there, I want you to I just have to spend time with our producer. This next segment is is brought to you by Bar Avenue. Yes, let me let me segment first. No, no, no, no. Segment is hot take. Hot take. That is brought to you by bar revenue. Yes, it is. So now you can give your heart take about what you're trying to say. It's a hot take. So So wait wait wait. What does the Bible say about modesty though? What do you mean that we should be modest? Right. Say about um let your beauty not come from the external adornment but from an inner inner gentle meek in a meek and gentle inner spirit. Yes, I agree with that. Right. So why would anybody male or female be wearing clothing, right? That's provocative. I didn't say provocative. The same reason the same reason why anyone I didn't say provocative. The same reason PF why anyone that that knows that they should do things in moderation go into a liquor store and overindulge or go into a drugstore and over overindulge or go shopping and overspends. It's the same what you guys have what what you have described is because the system is messed up nobody should try. No, we're saying to your point be responsible right as an individual. Individual be responsible and do what the Bible tells you to do. I cannot depend on the other person's responsibility. True. Right. Whether somebody will come in and overdose on the Tylenol or somebody will come in and buy a quart of of of um Everclear. Mhm. Right. I I can't. Yeah. You can't. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. Right. There's a perception, right, that I have as a Christian a responsibility to be conscious of even down to the way that I dress. I agree. Right. Yes. The Bible says that do not let your meat, right, be a problem for your brother. Don't let what you approve lead your brother to sin. So even though you know it's not a problem to wear certain types of clothing, right? In certain settings, people around you are going to have are going to conclude about your faith based off of what you're wearing. And they're going to conclude about the Christ you represent based off of what you're wearing. Okay? Yeah. And it goes on even to the kind of work you do, right? The kind of business you run. Yeah. Yeah. If you run a liquor store, right? I promise you a ton of people will question your faith. Okay. And that is enough for me to say I would not run a liquor store. Exactly. But that's the point I'm trying to make, right? They will question your faith not because of any other thing, right? But they believe the illusion of indulgence. But I feel like my question is idols are of themselves nothing. We know right you can drink a glass of wine or two or three. But there is a belief in the world right that a Christian should not be drinking. And if you're drinking you're not really a Christian. It's more important to me that you that my faith is on display right than anything else. That's my priority, right? If I go to certain places and people are there know I am a pastor, I will not have a drink. I will not touch a glass of wine. Cuz I will look around and I'll see the people who are there and like these people are if they find out I'm a pastor and see me drinking, they're going to despise the ministry. Right? So I will wait until I get home and have my glass of wine. I just want to be clear just so I don't I don't drink. I don't take I think I guess for me and and I get that part seriously. I think I think for me the what I struggle with is like the individuals that are waiting to bash Christ because of my action it says to me it says a lot about how you are even walking in that faith. Now to your I'm not supposed to be enabling my brother and sister. But the fact that you're just waiting for Pierre for or Esther for someone to do something so you can bash the faith in this world a lot about you already. Well, in this world you will have people like that. I mean I get that and and when Paul when Paul was was saying that remember they tried many times to entrap Jesus. Yeah. Right. They tried to catch him in one thing or the other just so that they could discredit him. Right. And and that's the reality of our lives. We don't give them ammunition. Right. Right. You saying we know that they are there. We know that they're people who are actively looking for something to say. I don't really care about those people. The ones I care about are the innocent people who really don't know enough of what is right or what is wrong. Right. They're struggling. Somebody is struggling with alcohol. Yeah. Right. Like really struggling with alcohol. And then he comes into a restaurant. Right. that says, "Yeah, you know, buy one get 50% off or you know, and it says PF just $2 shot Fridays. I'm sorry. What? $2 shot Fridays." What's that? You go to the to the to this bar when every establishment is promoting this deal and they selling shots for $2. How you know this, bro? I went to college. I was in the Look, I was once in the B and I was there. I'm sorry. God that Christ us accus Oh my god. Oh my god. Anybody pass now? Oh wow. Wow. Wow. So to go into the next segment, right? Um we have I think you referenced it earlier. Hot take. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. You referenced it earlier. Um but we do have some questions that we would like to ask. Absolutely. Um and we we kind of like want it to be like quickfire. Okay. All right. All right. Is this is this for PF? So for PF not saying anything it's for PF. Okay. Okay. I just want to make sure. Sorry. Can you really be friends with your ex? Absolutely. All right. Why? Because I So So this is what I think. I think rel some exes. Yes. Some exes. The idea of saying some but this is what I think. I think that friendships sometimes transcend romantic entanglements and when the romantic entanglements goes away, the friendships can remain. Yeah. Right. I have a couple of people that I was romantically involved with that that ended and we're friends now, right? There's nothing um purely platonic relationships, right? Um, so when you say you cannot be friends with your exes, I think that is a a very cynical perspective on relationships one a very insecure perspective on relationships. Right. And I I think it's just problematic. Yeah. Okay. Next. Um, is it wrong to switch churches if you do not like the pastor's style? Can I ask? Can I ask? Can I ask? I think you can switch. I think I I think Listen, I think I think you can switch churches for any reason you like, right? I think you can if you don't like the color of the wall, go to another church. The problem is when you don't like the pastor's style or you don't like the painting on the wall and you stay there and criticize and complain and become a fishbone in everybody's throat. There are enough churches on this planet, you will find somebody whose style you like. Ideally, that is not how you choose the church you attend. It's one of the things because a person's style speaks to you, right? It creates a sense of familiarity and affinity for somebody that opens you up to them. Yeah. So, you go to a church where the pastor is very um excitable and that excitability becomes a distraction for you. You just set some people free. Okay. Yeah. I I would not. So I I I got saved and I like people giving me I like having intelle listening to sermons that make sense. Yeah. In this I I can draw a line from the beginning to the conclusion. I don't like being in a space where you are saying 200 different things. My mind cannot focus on one thing. Right? That's a that's a style thing. Everybody's preaching scripture. So absolutely you can you can you can go where you are blessed. Right. As long as you are sincere in that you are going because you are blessed. Yeah. Right. You're not You understand what I'm saying? Yeah. The problem I have is when people won't do the work Mhm. of investing in their own faith and then they want to blame the church for it. Right. You won't read your Bible. You won't go for Bible study. You won't attend prayer meetings. You won't pray. And then you say you're not growing guy. Even if it was Jesus preaching to you, you would not grow, right? Um, so yeah, you can you can you can change a church because of the pastor style. The pastor style does not I have a question now. So how do you disagree well in those circumstances? And when you have people that maybe argue against one or the other, how do you what are some what do you mean argue against one of the argue against whether you should leave or whether you should stay? Yeah. Yeah. Based on style. I I think I think if you come from a sincere place, not a destructive place, if you say, "Well, you know what? I'm a very I have a tendency to get overwhelmed when there's too much noise." Yeah. So, I need a more sedate environment. I don't imagine that anybody would disagree with that. But if you say, "Man, that place, you people, you make too much noise. You're so loud. You're so crass." Then it becomes you've insulted me. Yeah. or disrespected me and then I'm on the defensive and the best form of defense is attack. What about those um those scenarios or those pastors where like you show up and you're cord you and you're saying oh this is why I'm leaving the church and then you not make it a emotional blackmail spiritual guilt trip. How can you that kind of thing? What about those context? I don't know why you would be in that kind of church in the first place. Mhm. I think if if you go to your pastor and say, "Hey, sir, ma'am, I think it's time for me to leave." Mhm. Right. The pastor should be able to say, "God bless you, and we'll be friends." If he says, "If you leave, you will die." Then you tell him, "Well, this is one of the reasons why I want to leave." Do you know, you see, so to his point, when I was leaving one of my older churches, I had a conversation with the pastors before I left. You're going to die. They didn't say that. Oh, okay. They are men of God. I ain't gonna do that. Um, but what they did do was almost try to use the scripture to like manipulate me or make me feel like when I left the church, I would not be on sturdy ground. Right. And the scripture that they used was around like when a tree or when a when a plant leaves its um it's yeah, it's root. They use that, you know. And um I think I responded, you know, I'm a little hug. I responded and said, "Uh, don't worry, the Lord will keep me." Yeah. Sometimes, right, people are are sincere. Yeah. But they're wrong, right? We can become overprotective of people. So, I can know you so well and know you for so long that I think that you'll do well with me. Yeah. Right. And then I get carried away and start to think that without me, right, you're not going to do well. forgetting that it is not me, it is Christ, the Holy Spirit. And Christ and the Holy Spirit are in his body. Whether you disagree or you agree with that segment of his body. Yeah. Right. I had somebody leave our church one time and I've had people leave under in different ways. And I'll tell you the ways that I that have made me very happy. And I'm still I still have good relationships with those folks. when somebody says, "Hey, PF, um I think it's time for my family and I or for me to go um to this place, right?" And I'm like, "Oh, why is everything okay?" Well, you know, it's just a different season for us. No worries. God bless you. You know, or they say, "Well, you know what? I'm quarreling with Tundi and I just can't be in the same place with Tund every couple of that." And I'm like, "Okay, I get it. But should you not work that out instead of going somewhere else if you're being blessed here? Nah, I don't have the energy to do that. No problem. It's all good. I understand. I get it. Yeah. Would you like me to talk with No, no, no, pastor. Leave it. That's fine. Right. What pisses me off? Oh, yeah. I get it. When somebody says, "Oh, pastor. Um um yeah, you know, um um I'm not leaving. No, I'm not leaving. and I just, you know, want to take a a a break for a couple of weeks. And if I just like, guy, you could have told me you were leaving. It's not bad. No, nobody's getting married. Or when you build a relationship with somebody and I'm one of those people, my pastoring style is relationships. I get caught in this a lot. And then somebody decides for whatever reason that they want to move on to another church and I stop seeing them and next thing somebody comes and tell me, "Oh, they saw this person. They saw that person somewhere." Can't you just tell me that Ross, I like the flow in that place better than I like the flow here? I'm okay. Yeah, I'm not for everybody and everybody is not for me. It's not possible that everybody's going to like the way I preach, the way that I lead. It's not possible and I'm content and okay with who I am and the way that I do things. So, if that's not for you, be man enough to say it's not for you. Period. Our producers are in the back clapping, y'all. All right. So, we're going to shift to um what we like to call um rules of disagreeing. Well, right. So, it's a almost like a practical playbook. Number one, listen, Linda. To understand, not to rebut. Number two. Mhm. Number two. Mhm. Number two. Number two, clarify. when something sounds off. Number three, understand that you are not the sole depository repository of all knowledge. Approach key situations with humility. That's key. That's good. What do you do when all else fails and all else fails? Agree to disagree. Oh, okay. Look at you. You think it's a joke? You think this is No, I like it. I like it. I mean, I'm I think my biggest struggle is to be vulnerable with the um with the audience and you guys too like comment below and share you know situations which you feel like disagreeing well has been you found it tough for me. finish and then I mean it's just whenever I'm I know you kind of whenever I'm emotionally compromised it's is very difficult like those three things you said are very powerful all things equal when I'm emotionally compromised or maybe I'm hyper stressed they don't really I know I'm thinking it but it don't really Can I say something you're not really your your emotional state is a consequence of your thoughts you've come to a conclusion right that is why your your emot emotions are are off. Right. Right. If you had clarified, right, you may not have gotten to that conclusion and your emotions would not be off. If you had listened to understand, not a but your emotions may not have been off if you had understood that you know what, you don't know everything and you could be wrong. Your emotions would not have been enough if you had understood that you can't read anybody's mind. So basically your off emotions make this a self-fulfilling prophecy in the sense that your off emotions are the result of you not doing the things you're supposed to do in the first place. Which is typically always the case. So you can't say you cannot do those things. You do them right. You're you're you're you're talking about the practical things. Right. Right. From a place of having failed to do the practical. Right. Cuz that's the area which I want to if you do those if you do the practical things you never get to that emotional state. So do you know what that means? What are the practical things? Oh yeah. ask you so that you can practice them please. Number one, you listen. Number two, number two. Number two, you clarif Oh my you know why you let me feel good about myself. Number three, he's he's winking to the producer. Number three, you see this is why your emotions are always off. You don't listen. uh know that you are not the author, the finisher, the beginner, the end, the start any of that of your faith and of your knowledge. Yeah. But but you know I was connecting the dots though. Okay. All right. And if all this fails agree to disagree. Come on. These people online who are so disagreeable with their comments. Can you just be civilized? You Here's the thing, right? We have a name for those people. They're called the unfiltered gang. Ah, that is not a lack of filter because that is a lack of home training. A lack of filter is that you express yourself but express yourself respectfully. It's okay to be to to disagree. It's okay to think so what somebody said is wrong. But don't imply, don't impugn their character, their integrity or their faith. Don't agree with what I said. Don't start talking about whether I'm honest or dishonest. You don't know what is in my mind. Yeah. Yeah. So, we've been um What you think about that name though? Unil comments on this. Yeah. Comments. Comment below. Like, subscribe, smash the notification button so you know what we're doing. And if you have um if you have a name that you think that we should call the people that are in our community, um including us. We're in our community. So, we're looking for a name. They're not They're not I like Unfiltered Gang. What you think? What we think? I don't know. I don't know, man. All right. Well, y'all comment, let us know. Um, and shout out to our sponsors. Um, the Mama Mary seasoning. Mhm. Mama Mary. Let me tell you something. We going to roll for Mama Mary every single time because the seasoning is hit. Okay. We use it on the daily. Eggs, chicken, um, beef, oxtail, rice, fried rice, beans, avocado. Not I I a man on all things. But um um thank you uh to Mama Mary's for sponsoring us. And then on Amazon, you can get it on Amazon and our QR No, it's not QR code. Daddy promo code is what's the promo code? PF Summer 10. Yeah. PF Summer 10. Yeah. PF Summer 10. Yeah. Summer 10. And you get 10% off. Summer. Um Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And if you're not following us on Instagram, Tik Tok, Tik Tok, YouTube, YouTube, please follow us. Yep. PF, what's your Instagram? What's my Instagram? Uh the the real the real pastor at No, it's period. Just is it I've got my my Instagram is is blowing up now. I've got somebody working with me. She's awesome. So, you know, shout out to Tam. We love you, girl. Great content coming up. All right, see you guys later. Bye, guys. Uh, I hope you enjoyed this episode, and given that we talked about disagreeing, well, there's one relationship that most of us is agreeing, some of us is agreeing, and that is our loved ones. So, we will be discussing relationship red flags in the next episode. Yeah, red flags. Yeah, red flags. My favorite topic. Yes. Mhm. I hate that expression, but we'll talk about it. What What would you prefer? Different color. No, just the concept of red flags. Everybody's afraid now. Thoughts for the next episode? Unfiltered. [Music]