(0:00)The 'High Value' Man Debate
I want to know how good you are in bed. Uh-uh. So far. It's not so far. There are some things you will not know. Why are you Why? How? How you going to know? Bible says fornication is a sin. Yes. Yeah. But that's not it. That's not what Can you know? I'm I'm going to digress. Can you know without fornicating? What? Can you know what? Can you have a Can you have a a mature conversation about the the bees and the what they birds and the bees? Yeah. You can have a conversation. You should have a conversation. You should have a conversation about So, you should have a conversation about these things. Ah, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, for you beer. No for that one. That was a good one. Good one. Thank you. Unfiltered. Welcome back. Hey,
(0:50)When is it too soon to assume?
BFF unfiltered. My name is Esther Griffin and I have very interesting co-host today. What's your name, sir? Tell the people your name. My name is Tund. Where's my camera, please? My name is Tundday Marola aka T-Max aka Young T- Money aka Child of God. And then we have the very much very interesting child of God in the building because today PF is truly a child of God. He's been demonstrating and giving us his childlikeess today. Maybe my name is so unfiltered. We have Pastor Fam in the building, guys. He's having an awesome day today. Clearly. That's hilarious. Pastor, how's it going? Good. I'm having an awesome day. You know, you would think the the NGPF is on. He's been reading the comments. Yeah, maybe. You think so? Have you read the comments? Nah. Oh, you only read them when they cursing you out when they Yeah. We have actually had some really interesting ones, though. Oh, really? Yeah. Tell me about it. Yeah. Okay. There's one com I'm reading one. You read one, right? Okay. Yeah. There's one comment from Wait, pause. Why you making me read the one that where the name is hard? Read that one first. Okay. I'll read that one. I got you. I'll read. You go first. My name is All right. All right. So, we have a comment from Alamade Lovely and she wrote, "PF, I somewhat agree, and this is from last week's episode. I somewhat agree. However, I want to add that men are becoming very entitled to many of them say they feel this way because they consider themselves high valued." Another big red flag. Which one is high value? How high blame women? No, seriously. I blame women for that one. No, seriously. Why? I I blame women. I I said what I said. I I I I Yeah. Okay. We'll come back. So So no, no, no. Let me let me just say because I don't want you guys to sweep this under the carpet. Okay. You people are the ones that elevate a man's financial status. So a man with a high net worth Mhm. does the math. To women, I am high value. That's That makes That tracks though? That That's what it is, does it? Yeah. Have you seen a man with good character saying, "I'm a high value man." M. It's always the guys with money that think of themselves as high value. And why do they think of themselves at high value? Because they know that the ones in demand. Absolutely. And who's demanding them? Not other men. No, because we don't want We don't want poor men. We don't We don't want poor men. Rich in spirit, rich in love, rich in finances. You're reinforcing PF's point, though. Listen, you know, at this point, call a spade a spade. All right. Now, I'm okay with calling a spade a spade, but let the spade admit I am a spade. But I do think that there are high high valued men. No. Meaning that they No. Okay. This is why I say that. Even though it's a red flag, but this is why I say that. You a red flag for saying
(3:48)Red Flags vs. Green Flags
Speaking of Speaking of red flags though, red flags, I think we can the audience can check out the previous episode of Red Flags cuz you know that's true. That's true. Yeah. I don't want us to relieve that previous episode. Is that okay? No. But can I make this point? Okay, you can make the point. If she makes a point, I'm going to make a point. Just that's fine. I mean, it's your podcast. Good character.
(4:05)Should Money Be A Factor?
No. High value man. Good character. Good character. Shut up. Loves Loves the Lord. Has a relationship with the Lord. M um he stewards his finances. He does make a lot of money. I don't like that. I don't I don't like that. I don't like he and makes a lot of money. Why? This is the thing, right? The Bible says a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possession. Right? And here you are placing value on a man's life on the basis of his material possession. No, I I gave you a list before I got to the money part. The money should not be a factor in it. If God does not assess a man by his money, how would you, a Christian sister, be assessing a man by his money? No, because we have to eat. Very ungodlike. The Bible says that Manny answered things. He answered all things. Yes. And the Bible says that the Lord will provide. Eh. Uh-huh. So, he's using him to provide. He's using him to provide. Yeah. But why if he said, "Why can't he use you to provide?" No, he can use me to provide. But that is that what he called me to do. Is that what he called me to do? Yes. To feed people? To feed us, his family? Really? Where do you see that in scripture? We we'll revisit that. Let's revisit it. If you're a high value man, please comment. High value. Okay. Um, another comment from um Dor Diva Kano. Shout out to Doro Kitano by the way. Appreciate your comments. Uh, interesting discussion. Red flags for me are mixed signals. lack of transparency or assuming exclusivity too soon. Both people need to be clear about what they want right from the start. Honesty sets the foundation. That sounds like a high value man to me cuz it's not bringing in money, looks, appearances, right? It's not bringing in money about it. It's not showing up like, you know, back. Wow. Okay. I I worry about that that thing about exclusivity too soon. Ah, okay. Right. So somebody's you're giving someone the depression that the two of you are together. But because you haven't said anything, why are they assuming you to be fair? I've been in that. But I said it I think a few episodes. You're a player. I But it's a lot It's a lot complicated than that. It's not. Yeah. You know why I said IF? I mean, you know me now. Make me look good. Make me look Make me look good. Okay. Yes. Yes. He's a good man. He's a very good man. All right. All right. So, um you know, when we think about
(6:35)Why Green Flags Save Your Future
like red flags, there was a quote that said red flags um save time, but green flags saves your future. And so, this episode is about green flags and like pivoting and how do we like identify green flags? Um what are other what are um some key characteristics of people that are quote unquote green flags? So I would say when you meet a person, what are some of the green flags that you um can identify and maybe if you want to be friends with them or work with them, what are some green flags overall or how would you define even a green flag? I think for me
(7:13)Biblical Perspective on Value
the construct is problematic, right? But let's just let's let's let's walk with it. Let's go with it, right? Bible says you don't judge a man, right, by the abundance. God doesn't judge a man by the abundance of his material possessions. Right? So for me, a green flag is a man or a woman who does not assess themselves first by their material possessions. Right? If a man leads with how much he has, right, or leads with what he does when he's not talking to other men, if a woman leads with how much her purse costs and how much her rent is, right? That for me is problematic, right? So a person who sees themselves first as human then next as or whenever as what they earn. Mhm. Right. A person who is kind and not just to you who they are on a date with but to everybody that they interact with.
(8:09)The Real Test of Character
Yeah. It's easy to be kind to somebody who I want something from. Right. But to be kind to people who I don't want anything from. Right. That is revealing of who I am. Yeah. And if I can be kind to a stranger who I want nothing from, how would I treat somebody who I supposedly care about, right? A green flag is somebody who is patient, right? When we ask for the menu and the food is late and they want to tear the restaurant down, that's a problem, right? Um a green flag is somebody who um is generous, right? even when it is not um necessary you know um a green flag for me when I see is somebody who speaks the truth but speaks the truth kindly right I don't I don't give credit to people who speak the truth with venom who use who weaponize the truth to tear other people I'm just telling the truth I I I don't I don't respect that right speaking the truth for me is not inherently virtuous how you speak the truth qualifies the virtuousness of the truth that you have spoken. Yeah. Right. Um a green flag for me is somebody who loves the Lord or is at least trying to get to know the Lord. Right. Um a green flag is somebody who takes his relationship with God seriously. Yeah. Um relationship with family members seriously. Relationship with you know with people seriously. Yeah. and somebody who works hard. Yeah. Those are things that I think if you see in a human being, right? It's it's it's they're very positive developments. I have a question. How can you um how can you discern green flags in that it doesn't show up as like
(10:09)How to Actually Discern People
performance? Performance. Yeah. So, so, so when you are with out with somebody, don't be asking them what's your favorite color, right? That's childy. People do that. So, what kind of music do you like? Have you heard that new song? How was work? And that lady who ticked you off, how did you deal with it? Mhm. Right. What's What's up with your siblings? How are you dealing with that? What's up with your family? How are you dealing with that? How you dealing with life? What is your perspective on life? politics. What do you think about what's happening with, you know, um, at the border? What do you think about what's happening with the guy who got assassinated? Ask questions that reveal what the person really thinks and believes, right? About important things. Yeah. Because I promise you, if you're married, what kind of music you like doesn't matter. I can't remember last time my wife and I sat down and fought over music or agreed over music. She listens to what she likes. I listen to what I like and sometimes we find something we both like but I promise you it affects nothing. Yeah.
(11:17)Why We Focus on Bad News
I'm curious. Why do you think, you know, people find it hard to like Why do you think people pay so much attention to like red flags versus paying attention to green flags? Like, you know, why do you think that's the case? Yeah, they're afraid because it's like the news, right? the the news only tells us the bad things happening, right? Yeah. Bad news sells faster than good news. So, if you have a a an Instagram page and it's just, you know, you're just so happy and your marriage is so perfect, ain't got nothing going on, people are going to come into your comments and trash you, right? So, you may get a lot of followers, but they're there to trash you, right? But if you a train wreck constantly, oh my god, they're going to love you. No, even they get trashed too. They get trashed too. But the people are trashing them attracting them from a very boristic place, not a celebratory place. Right? People don't celebrate good news. They revail in bad news. Right? So there's a fear that has become very pervasive in our culture. The smaller our world has been become. Yeah. The more fearful we become. Right? When I was growing up, I had no idea what was going on in London. Mhm. Right. If if I had access to the news, I might find out a couple of days later in real time, I know what is going on in Piccadilli Square. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's like it's a constant. So, if there's a war in Afghanistan, for example, I don't find out about it months later. I'm seeing the dead bodies as they being shot. Hm. Right. So, every disastrous relationship from the celebrities, you see it. Yeah. The people who are having trouble in their marriage, they're on social media airing all of their laundry. Jeez. But the people who are doing well are not doing that.
(13:08)The 635 Highway Analogy
The example I use is this, right? I drive there's there's a highway in Dallas, um, 635. Mhm. It's pretty busy. Yeah. Accidents happen on that highway all the time, right? I'm sure every day there's at least one crash on 635. That's accurate, right? I don't hear about it. So, I wake up in the morning, I get on 6:35 without even thinking about it. But if I heard about that one crash, every morning I wake up, there's news on about 6:35. There's an accident on 6:35. Every morning there's an accident on 6:35. The next morning when I get up, I'm like, do I do I have to go 65? Let me take 75. Am I? Meanwhile, there are millions of cars at 6:35 every day. Yeah, but we hear about the one that crashed, right? And the one that crashed then defines 635. So the relationship that ends up in divorce defines marriage. This is good. But the marriages that are doing well, they're not coming out and shouting, "Hey, we're doing well." Because nobody wants to look like a jackass. Sorry, I'm not allowed to say nobody wants to look like an idiot, right? I don't think I'll say that either, sir. I don't know how to say idiot or jackass. So she find so anyway you get the point right we we we hear bad news so we have become more afraid. Yeah. You know how the the Bible says that um the Israelites saw the giants and they said we were like grasshoppers in their sight. Mhm. Right. Cuz they focused on the giants. Yeah. And the more they focused on the giants the more fearful they were. And probably like a few and they are millions. Not everybody was a giant. Yeah. There you go. And that's the thing though. When we hear bad news, we don't try to get perspective, right? How many people have an accident on 635 every day? It might be five. It might be 10. It may be 20. But how many people drive 635 every day with nothing? I've been doing it for years. I have never had an accident on 635. Yeah. And I've been driving on that road since 2009. I just had a thought when you like from the example that you just gave. I think about like green flags like how do you identify green flags and I was thinking maybe people don't because they hear such bad news they're not taking time to examine that the green flag is actually a green flag also on that on that on that side of the fence. Yeah. I I I think I mean when you when you meet somebody who is kind, right, you don't really focus on that, right? You know, you don't you don't it's almost like you're waiting for the next shoe to you're waiting to find out something, right? So, you don't have any room to enjoy the kindness that you are experiencing, right? You're so skeptical of it, right? You're almost like it's too good to be true is what you hear, right? You know, it's like, okay, I'm waiting to find out the truth. I'm waiting to find out the truth. And many times our attitude becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Mhm. Right. You you you're so suspicious of me, right, that you treat me with that suspicion. Eventually I'm like, "Yeah, that one thing to your point that I do will not confirm that." I knew it. Exactly. But you know, but the 99 things that I Yeah. that I that I have done, it does not doesn't matter. Yeah. Doesn't matter. Is that I'm trying to think too now, Esther, like do you what is a green flag for you? Like what would be a green flag for you? Oh, kind that money. Thank you for that clarification. It's important. It's important because Esther Esther Esther Esther be liking the green. I should be quoting the Bible to use justify justify as if we don't know the Bible. Yeah. So, what is it? Kindness. Thank God I have a shepherd that I'm not doing this thing by myself. Thank God. No, because it's true. Me, I like I like nothing nothing. But anyways, I think kindness I think because I am a kind person, I I I can quickly identify kind people and when you're not kind, that thing grinds. Are you a patient person? Sometimes impatience can can wipe out kindness. I think I am a patient person. That's good. Yeah. That's why when I was talking about it, I I put kindness and patience together because if you're kind and you're not patient, your kindness won't last. M and I'm not easily offended. I'm not an easily offended person. I don't look for every reason to be upset. Life is too short for me to always be upset because of something very people who get upset quickly, they are looking for something to be upset about sometimes. That's not very kind. No, but I but I mean you asked me a question and that's the that's my perspective. So I'm saying my perspective of that that's not kind because people people have people go through trauma and there and they're afraid. Clearly PF wants me to exercise patience. Honestly, I'm not going to lie. You guys are disagreeing. really well. Oh, back. I got to get paid, y'all. Okay. Okay. All of you that are not getting the context, we do have a episode um previously that we recorded that's up now where we talk about disagreeing. Well, so um go back and check that out. It was cool. I feel like you just lowkey unintentionally insulted the audience. No. For people that don't know, but some of them don't know. And we can't assume that everybody. You're right. You're right. You're right. That's a good point. That's a good point. You know what she just did, right? She told the truth very kindly. Yeah, she did. She was kindly honest. I I really like that. And she was so sweet about those super cool, man. Yeah, she really she really is. Even though she likes money a lot. There's nothing Wait, pause. There's nothing wrong with liking money. I don't think um um Bible says the love of money you don't love money is the root. Okay. You just like it a lot. You don't I like it but last is not my god. My It's not my god. Do you love it? I like money. Do you love it? Money. Answer it all. Why you answering my question? Do you love money? On to the next. All right. What about you? I'm curious. Well, like what are some green facts for you when you like meet people? I mean obviously you're married. Yeah. Thank you for clarifying. um very very married like guy I get you know what in terms of male friends have you made any new friends recently? No, no. I don't make new friends. That's another conversation. Friends, they don't I don't I already have a lot of friends. My uh I'll say my green flag, one one thing for sure I think is a green flag is is honesty. I think PF touched on it. Honesty is is big for me. And it's like it's both ways. There's the self honesty, right? Like cuz and we're having a conversation off camera earlier on like there's there's being honest and saying, "Okay, I'm just calling this a spade about someone else." Yeah. But I feel like if it's not birectional, if it doesn't, if you can't be honest about your own self, then I think it invalidates whatever um aka like the log in their own eyes. Exactly. Exactly. So, one of the things that I appreciate about what you just said is that and and I didn't say this, a person who's self-aware, right? a person who who who's that's a big green flag who's aware of themselves and and they're able to put themselves in proper context, right? It's it speaks to a lot of it speaks to a level of maturity, right? That um you a person would be blessed if they met somebody like that, right? And that person was interested in a relationship with them other than the fact that I mean including that they are kind cuz you can be self, right? Right? You know that I'm just a wicked person, right? Which is, you know, which is weird. Like I said, virtues are not inherently virtuous, right? What does that mean? Honesty is not inherently virtuous. You can be honest and be evil with your honesty. Yeah. You can give your body to be burnt and have no love. I have no love. That's what I mean. Some virtues are not inherently virtuous, right? That's what I mean. Um, so yeah, I I I appreciate a person who's self-aware and allows their self-awareness, right, lead them in their interactions with people. So basically, somebody who's emotionally intelligent, right? I'm not I didn't say emotionally available, right? Cuz I don't even know what that I don't know what that means. Emotionally available, but emotionally I can explain. I know what that means. I need to hear it today. Okay. So what it means is that explain it. I want to I want to hear Okay. Yeah. So what it means when somebody says they're emotionally available, meaning that let's say you're let's use the example of a man and a woman in a relationship, right? And so being emotionally available mean that you're making space and time to experience intimacy, vulnerability, um and being aware of the things that are happening around you. That that's that that's that is being emotionally aware. I experience it anyway. Um emotionally available. I I I I'm going to experience all of those things that are going on around me. I'm going to experience all those things. What is emotional availability? What what is available? Emotion English for me is emotional available means I am emotionally available, right? But can I be emotionally absent in the sense that everything that happens I I I think about and I have a feeling about. So this is a a good example, right? So let's say a guy, right? They're dating a relationship and you always say, "Oh, I'm unavailable." or um I'm working. Um and then the times that you are present um you're not really present. You're kind of just like lingering around. You're not really having conversation. You don't It's almost like I'm begging you to be my friend or to engage with me on a more so like it's like you're really not avail like you're really not emotionally available to even you're not available. You're you're not paying attention. Yes. You're not present. Yes, that's true. But that alazo can be present for your like the way that you show up emotionally. Yeah. Honor really aka not being vulnerable. Okay. So, so v I struggle with these terms, right? And these are the things that I think we need to talk about because people are killing opportunities right on very undefined parameters. Okay. So when you say a person is not emotionally available, right? When I hear that I'm confused. When you hear when I when I when I hear that I'm not vulnerable. Yeah. I'm confused. Right. Vulnerability means that I can be hurt. Mhm. Right. That mean that's what it means to be vulnerable. That I position myself so that I can be hurt. Why do you want me to position myself so that you can hurt me? That you don't necessarily have to position yourself so that someone can. But you do. Okay. So, back to Okay, that's a good point. The Lord just dropped something on me. Come on. position myself to be hurt so that I can be hurt. Yes. So that I can be hurt. Who's to say that you're going to be hurt? Why do you have faith that you're going to be hurt? Good question. I think I'm going to be hurt. I think I could be hurt. Right. Okay. So if you can be hurt, who do you trust then to heal your um emotions? God, not you. Okay. So then why are you then holding on to the for whoever that is, why are you then holding on to the fact that oh because I can be hurt, I'm not going to open myself up to experience be hurt. Yeah, that that's I mean if you're in faith then you should not do that. So this is the problem, right? You are making a demand on me and saying Ti be vulnerable. Position yourself so that I can maybe hurt you. Yeah, but there's no guarantee that you're going to get hurt. Absolutely. But is it fair for you to ask me to expose myself to you? Mhm. Right. Without any guarantees that you will not hurt me. That's love. That's f Yeah, there is. Okay. So, so, so, so, so, so it is love, right? But are we in love? Have we gotten to that point? I just, I just met you. Love is a choice. I just met you. Why am I Why am I positioning myself? I don't know you. Mhm. Right. With my wife. Yeah. Right. I can position myself in a way that if her touch, she can hurt me. Yeah. Right. But I know her. Hires rarely touch. I don't know you. Okay. Right. I I I haven't built a relationship with you. I've known you what, six weeks. and you're about to stop taking my course cuz I'm not vulnerable. Would it would it be fair that if like cuz I see where PF is coming. Would it be fair if it's a case of okay at least you should be able to earn earn I mean finish. No, I'm I'm let you land. But you know the right for me to be able to open myself up to whether it's whether it's I'm going to receive love or receive hurt but just to willy-nilly open myself up. We didn't say willyilly. Okay. Sorry. So here's the definition on on our Google. It says emot emotionally availability is the ability to form and maintain emotional connections in relationship. Come on now. Why don't we just say that? Why don't we big it involves being open and present to understand, empathize with and reciprocate the emotions of others. It's a key component of any relationship. Right? So back to my point, if you're not present, if you're if you're present physically but not present emotionally, then you're emotionally unavailable. But in the context of of not meeting of not knowing someone in that are we are we saying that you already know someone like pay for a saying with this can you give me an example like a like a practical example actually I don't think I want to explain we have a segment on on practical checklist I think we should hit that on that segment but before we go to that segment this episode is sponsored by Mame spices spicing up your life spicing up your emotions m Right. Become emotionally available. All right. Use our code PF10. You have 10% off. Yep. This is a green flag, y'all. Anybody who uses honestly. Honestly, green flag. Honestly. Yeah. Let's say that's a green flag. I was even green a little bit. There you go. Mhm. Okay. The light green flag. Yeah. Okay. Now, let's let's go to the practical checklist segment, right? And you can ask that question. There are other questions in this segment as well, but that question you asked us, we can I feel like we should close this loop cuz someone someone in the honest might want to know like where you guys are okay where you guys stand the example that I'm thinking of I don't necessarily think practically practically I don't have any real life scenarios in terms of someone being emotionally unavailable. I don't have any I my problem right my my problem is people use a lot of terms that they don't understand and people judge things too quickly right a person can be labeled as emotionally available right unavailable it's a new thing it's it's kind of like a buzz word by somebody who doesn't even understand what it means right that's number one number two a person might be just warming up right I I I know you. So, I'm not going to start telling you stuff, right? I'm not going to laugh too loud because I'm a little worried that my laugh sounds like a donkey and you might judge me for it. Okay? Right? You know, I'm I'm slowly getting comfortable with you. But we want the person who is on day one is going to treat us like their therapist and tell us all their deepest secrets and innermost hearts and and tell you how they feel about everything. To be fair, I don't hear the when I hear people say somebody is emotionally unavailable. I don't usually hear that at the beginning of a relationship when somebody's getting to know someone. I'm usually hearing somebody state that when they've already been in a relationship in a relationship, right? So, that's what I'm typically hearing that somebody's saying, "Oh, this person is emotionally unavailable." It's because they have had time to Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. The problem is when they're listing characteristics of when they're listing green flags, they say emotional availability. And that is something that I think right is like church people saying, I want to know how good you are in bed. Uh-uh. So far, it's not so far. There are some things you will not know. Why you Why How you going to know? Bible says fornication is a sin. Yes. Uhhuh. Yeah. But that's not it. That's not what Can you know? I'm I'm going to digress. Can you know without fornicating? What? Can you know what song? Can you have a Can you have a a mature conversation about the the bees and the what do you call it? Bugs and bees. You should have a conversation. You should have a conversation about So, you should have a conversation about these things. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. For you be for that one. That was a good one. Good one. You should have a conversation about em about emotions and how we express emotions, right? without sitting on some self-righteous horse. Yeah. And somebody who you don't know or you've only known for 6 weeks saying this person is this girl is emotionally unavailable. This man is emotionally available. This girl is you should not be able to set tell whether she's good in bed or not. If you if you can tell you are doing something wrong probably, but you can have conversations about conversations. Yeah. You know about body counts and stuff like that. Uhhuh. Uhhuh. What was going on? Without indulging in it, you can have a conversation, right? Because you want to know before I go and put ring on this big finger. Make I know say why do you need to know this? It's not important. Red flag. Sorry. Red flag. It's not important. So why do you need to know how much he earns? Oh, that's important. Really? Mhm. I I love the selectivity of it, right? You determine what is important to me and then determine to you. Because no, pause. Because if I'm going to enter any relationship, how are we going to survive if there's no money? If we're going to enter into a relationship, how am I I want to make sure that I don't walk into a restaurant and five of the guys there have slept with you. That does that shouldn't matter. If you love me for who I am, if you love me for who I am, what does the money man see the you see the contradictions in the way? Okay. Like Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay, I'm going to add I want to add a few more questions because this segment talks about like seven questions to spot green flags in a period of time. Uh, right. Even though I feel like production is going to Anyway, um, do they listen more than they talk? Okay. Is that something that is that is that a is that a a leading question you can Some people talk I talk. Mhm. Me too. And I listen to but I talk a lot. So how do you measure which one is more listening, less talking, more talking less? I don't think should be measuring that. I think we should measure if you have something to say, are they going to listen to you? Mhm. Right. I don't think I think that's such an arbitrary metric, right? Do they listen more than they talk? Okay. Do they listen for 20 minutes? Do you talk for 15? You're right. I judge that. Okay. Who asked that question? I can't tell you. No, but people do talk too much then. There is a thing that's people talking too much. I thought you as that question talking too much. There is one though. I'm going let take a few. There's one that I think you might appreciate. Um, sorry to clarify. To clarify, there's some people who like the sound of their own voice and they have and they will not listen at all. Right. So when you are like, "Oh, so I had a bad day. You know what? I had a bad day, too." And they constantly take over the conversation. Right. That's the problem. Okay. Right. I think that when it's appropriate, you listen. Yeah. Right. And when it's appropriate, you talk. Right. I don't know that you can measure it. But if you want to talk and the person will not let you talk, it's a problem. This is a joke. One of Let me quickly say, but you are with ADHD. Mhm. Who connects by constantly finding a version of your story. Right. That's is a symptom of ADHD. So I was driving the other day. Oh, me too. I was driving the other day. Right. And it's so innocent. Yeah. They're not trying to talk over you. They're not trying to diminish you. They're not trying to make it about themselves. They're just trying to connect with you. Yeah. So context is key. Context is key. Context is key. M m you you're showing me some serious wisdom too. I mean I've been on this two two in one night. I've been on PF unfiltered for three seasons. I mean you by now. Yeah. If I'm not sense paying us is God. Either either I'm not doing some right or you have to find a different way of me implementing. Apparently apparently I I feel you. Okay. I have one. So um can I say the one I think PF will appreciate? Oh yeah. Go ahead. Go ahead. Yeah. Yeah. Is it is it is it the one you is it seven? No. Okay. I want to say, do they point you closer to God? Not further away. Oh, I love that one. So good. I'm sorry. I keep Is that too? Yeah. How How do they point you closer to God, though? How I think to what you were saying earlier about the green flags, right? You mentioned patience, kindness, like seeing someone exhibit patience. Like for me now, if I see you or Esther exhibit patience and kindness and I have any sort of common sense in my head, I I think if God is really my interest, I want to be like, "Oh, bet." Like that's a great trait that I should Yeah. emulate for Yeah. But the way the question is frame is a bit tricky. Yeah. Yeah. I guess. Yeah. Cuz you know there are people who are so religious. That's true. Right. That they will wake you up at 2:00 a.m. in the morning to pray and by the time they're done with you, you don't want to hear prayer. You don't want to hear God. You don't want to hear anything. Well, we should want to pray at 2:00 a.m. in the morning. Why should we want to pray at 2 a.m. in the morning? Why should The Bible says he giveth his beloved sleep. Yeah. No, he does say that. But why? Why they should? Oh, no. It's the second watch. Second watch. But why not second you the second watch third watch? No, that's the first watch. That's the second watch. I get it. The first watch is like is that when the witches are flying? They're flying. So you have to be praying. Okay. I get it. If like like which which witches American witches or Nigerian witches all of them are sorry time difference, right? So 6 hours. Yeah. 2 a.m. in Nigeria to be the Bible says that the um the prowler is always rowing. And Abby, what does that say? What does the scripture say? The devil goes around like a roaring lion. Like like like Yes. Okay. So that means continuous. He's always going around. No, but I guess are we afraid of the devil? There's only one devil. He can't be everywhere right now. He's sending his minions to different different places. So us, we must be alert. Ah, but the Bible says that um Christ has given us the victory. He Yeah. I don't get wet. Unless the devil, the enemy, one demon is next to me at 2 a.m. Then that makes that context make sense. I will wake up at 2 a.m. and pray if it is necessary. But I don't wake up at 2 a.m. as a matter of root. That is not for me. There some people who do it and and it's a good it's a good discipline. It's a good discipline for them. For me, right? Let me tell you a story. My father is a good discipline. Yes. What if it's just religious, you know, self, you know, you feel selfrighteous by reason to pray. I can't I can't judge you. Fair, you know, I used to wake up with a bell, you know, school bell every morning at 5 or 6 a.m. I I resented up till now, I struggle with morning devotion. Wow. Up till now, I struggle with because in my when I hear that bell, the only thing I feel is resentment. Mhm. Right. Cuz you're you're sleeping. Yeah. Right. Someone is in your ear. And and he comes and he rings that bell right in your ear. It's it's it's trauma for some of us. The bell is not even the the ring is not the bell. The ringing is on the slap. Yeah. My my woman slap that. But that bell does more than a slap because it it purses your sleep and enters your brain, scatters your medulla. I'm joking. My mom I do want to plug this though. At our church, New Covenant House, we have prayers at 6:00 a.m. in the morning every day from Monday through Friday, which you are free to join or not join. Right. Right. No bells. Exactly. And no slaps, you know. But it's it's a great time, y'all. 6:00 a.m. is cool with to get up in the morning to start your day. It depends. Depends. All right. Do you pray at all? You cuz we should be asking now since waking up at 2 a.m. I pray a lot. Cuz you eat a lot. Every time you eat, you pray. No, no, no, no. I actually don't even eat that much, but I pray a lot. Let's pray a lot. Can we touch on that? You know, I didn't I didn't I didn't used to um What are we touching on? This eating um pray before you eat. Okay. I don't have the habit of praying before like I eat and I haven't I I haven't taught my kids that. Mhm. But we went out one day and the people that we were with their children prayed before they ate. And my son was like, "Oh, my mommy does not pray before we eat." I said, "Yeah, because your mommy has faith." Yeah. And your mommy knows that the food is already blessed. Keep on eating. And then the mommy turned to me. The mom turned to me and was like, "Oh yeah, you should teach your kids how to pray before they eat. It teaches them gratitude." And I was like, "Man, in this life, you always will be humbled." No. Well, it's a good It's good to teach them. But there are many ways to teach your kids gratitude. Absolutely. No, it's a good practice. It is. It is. It's great. But are you just doing it because someone like This is why I struggle with these things. Are you just doing it because some random lady that you don't even know her life with her kids? They might be praying there, but she might be being the crap. There many there are many ways to be inspired. Mhm. Right. Yeah. You don't have to be perfect to inspire me. Like I like the way you wear your hat, right? I don't know if you have anything underneath your be hiding your bald spot or anything, but I'm inspired. Tomorrow I get a hat and wear this the way you know. Yeah. Okay, we're going to introduce the next segment. I think we should. I think we should fire segment. I think we should. Do you think it is a green flag to wear your hat backwards in this moment? Yeah. Do you think it's a green flag if you are if you are 35 years young and you are wearing your art backwards? It's not a flag. Do you think it's a green flag? It's a sign of poor fashion. But it's Do you think it's a green flag if wardrobe and production keep telling you that when you show up on the podcast you should wear shoe and dress like a like a like a decent person, but you keep wearing sandals and with socks? Is that a green flag? No, it's not. Exactly. Let me give you a context. Fire. Rabbid fire segment. We don't need context. Let's go to listen. I'm sorry for who the person went or production. In this segment, each host is going to answer yes, no, depends. In 5 seconds, I'm going to give examples. In 5 seconds, you and PF have to answer yes, no, or depend. 5 seconds. You can't think about it. Okay. You can't process. You can't PF. You can't do or depend. Yeah. Yes, no, or depends. Why does depend sound? Yeah. Yeah. Depend. Okay. Yes or no? Okay. Yes or no? Adult diapers. Um, is this is this green? Is this flag colored green or is it just charm? Okay, you just vibes. Oh, yeah. Now, let's uh pays for the first three dates. Green flag. Home training. High value man. Green flag. Green flag. Praise in public confidently. Green flag. Confidently. Green flag. Red flag. Okay. No flag. No flag. Why is this a Why is this a a criteria for who I want to spend the rest of my life? He's just vibes. I mean, we're it's it's called rapid fire segment. Yeah. Just we're just doing this thing, you know. We're having fun. Okay. So, let's bring back the pens. Depends. That's why I wanted to keep the pens in there cuz it's very very useful. Okay. Um I this one I don't even Anyway, has many long-term friends. Depends. Depends. Don't do that. You want don't change your answer. Say the answer in your chest. Listen. Say the answer your chest. You have to adapt. Eh. And initially it was if you don't have home friends red flag. But now I've heard a little bit of additional context. So it depends. All your friends are hoodlums. Yeah. No, not my friends. I'm saying what all your friends are hoodlums. Your old friends are hoodlums. No. As a child, I thought like a child. Now that I'm a grown man, I put away child. No. Not. No. I have I have long-term friends. including childish friends. That's kind of harsh cuz I feel like when I was in KC2, I was I was a hood I was a hoodlm a little bit. King College Lagos. Nobody started in 1909. One of the greatest schools that Nigeria has ever ever produced. Um always post their good deeds online. No. Right. Don't comment. I think you can I mean as long as they also post their bad deeds I guess. Hey, I think it bothers. You know those are good things, right? There's no transparency for me at least to say cuz none of us are perfect. So if you always have good things going on, then what's happening? It's not to say that you can't have good things going on cuz me too, I have good things going on. But I mean on that one, this one is not This one is not here, but I'm going to say just because for Esa. Okay. Um kind, patient, gentle, but but doesn't have money at all. Ask a question now. Let me rap for 5 seconds. Green flag. Even the mic fell off. That's how you know you can't lie. When the mic when the PF like about to get a dup. It's a green flag, y'all. It's a green flag at all. No money. But kind godfearing shameless shameless plug. I started a business. We can build it together. Oh, praise God. You know when you talk about how things influence people. No, I don't trust her. Don't trust her. I don't think I feel like this is not the way you're laughing. Actually, now I'm suspicious. I haven't laugh like this all day. Okay. Uh read reads books regularly. What kind of books? Yeah, it depends. Mm- even though I doesn't even matter. I don't know if that's a No, it depends. I know people that have been demonp possessed by reading books. I'm sorry. What book? Happy Harry Potter. All these sexual books. Oh. Oh, yeah. Okay. Go back. But sorry, I know we got to wrap up. What's this? What's this? Pawn. There's porn book. Literally porn. For real? You don't read, so you wouldn't know. Ah. Yeah. And you know this is great. Um sensational. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's No. No. I some type of word. What you mean? I mean, you did go to query. You guys Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We just don't read those sort of like um genres. Okay. Okay. Cuz obviously you read books. Yeah, I read a lot of books. Yeah, a lot of books. What kind books do you read, Pia? A lot. Any kind? Any kind? You like non-fiction? I'm sorry. Fictional books. Yeah, sometimes. I need to clarify. We're not reading any poem books. So, I reading the books I reading. You said you reading books, but not like nasty nasty books. These days I read more short stories and articles than than book books. And I find that a lot of books, they don't have a lot to say. I agree. After the first two chapters, everything else is just filler. I ain't got time. I like memoirs. Memoirs. Mhm. Really? Yeah. I like learning about people's lives. Really? Yeah. Why? This is interesting. So, one of one of the books I read, I won't I won't say here, but um in her book, she pretty much says, you know, I don't want to only live the length of my life, but the breadth of my life. And that has changed my life. What does that mean? So, not just like the longevity of my life, like living to old age, but living enjoying the full 24 hours of your day. So, living the breath of your day, enjoying the fullness of what today has to present. Why did you just say that? Because they like they like sensationalism. You know, my problem, I thank God for the opportunity to ask you that what you mean, right? There's so many oneliners that people throw out there. Yeah. that caused so much confusion. Yeah. Sounds good on paper, but when she said it, I understood it because also there was context, right? Like I'm reading through the book. Yeah. For context, I I'm sure somebody thought I was being silly, but I really wanted to know what that because sometime I want to live the breath of my life and here I'm just thinking ch I'm not living the breath of my life. Ch meanwhile I am maxed burning the candle at both ends, you know. So So it's it's it's a good thing. Yeah. Yeah. Uh to recap, um guys, we did a red flags episode. Yeah, we did a green flags episode. Put it in the comments below if you have any green flags or red flags or purple flags that you want to share with us. Remember to like and keep your rainbow flags. Remember to like the type of arrows that are being subscribe. We're in different shops. It's starting to look find us on socials. We're everywhere. PF unfiltered. PF unfiltered. We appreciate you all. And no, nothing at all. Nothing at all. And and this I'm getting I said something by No. No, no, no. I'm just I'm just wrapping this up. Y the way the [ __ ] I appreciate y. We catch you on the next episode. Bye. Peace. Later. Mhm. Unfiltered. [Music]