(0:00)The price of faking it
I was so stressed out from trying to be who everybody thought I should be, right? From trying to appear like I was this perfect pastor who never got upset, who never got angry, who never got hurt, who didn't make mistakes. So invariably the pressure of keeping of appearing like I had it all together. I almost lost my mind. Unfiltered. Welcome to another episode of PF Unfiltered where we talk. Welcome to Guy. Can you just talk normally, please? Oh my gosh. Welcome to another episode of PF Unfiltered. Um, one more time. One more time. Let's try again. Welcome to another episode of PF Unfiltered, where we talk about faith. It sounds like one of those, you know, one of those weird cult introduction. They want to get you to join a court. I got you. Welcome to another episode of Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Oh my gosh. Where we talk about, you know, faith in Christ and everything in between. My name is Pastor Fem. Wait, that's too much. My name is Simona and I'm joined by my co-host Rosa. Hello. and um the man of the hour of the 45 minute segment, Pastor Fei. Heyo. Hey. What are we talking for? For you. Wow. Yeah. It's going to be that kind of day. Yeah, absolutely. Um this episode is
(1:33)Who is actually pressuring you?
titled the pressure to have it all together. And this one is a little personal for me because I feel like I have a lot of pressure to have it all together. Who's pressuring you? Society. Really? Society, my own expectations of myself. Yeah. Church sometimes pressures me. Church I feel like would tell me, "Guy, why are you watching Arsenal on a Sunday? You should be at at church." You have that kind of pressure? Um, I do actually. Um, but yeah, so I think we should get into it. Um, PF, do you have any thoughts on the topic itself before we dive deep into the conversation? I mean, I think it's the reality. We're constantly being um pressured. That's
(2:10)The 'Joneses' and Nigerian expectations
why the Bible says do not conform, right? Cuz there's there's a there's a there's a systematic, intentional, consistent effort to force us to mold us to conform to whatever the world feels we should be at the time, you know. Um so yeah, it's it's it's it's real and it's a thing and a lot of people succumb to that pressure, you know. Sometimes they don't realize that they've succumbed to it, right? Sometimes we we describe it as trying to be like the Joneses, you know, but we don't realize how so much we are like the Joneses and how we try to make everybody like the Joneses, you know. So, in different ways, in subtle ways, you know, sometimes there's a lot of pressure. And if you come from um the the the the culture the community where I come from right the pressure
(3:05)Naked and overt: 'See your mates'
sometimes is not subtle you know it's it's it's naked and overt like you know uh look at you say see your mates you know is that what men do and you say you're a man you know all of those things are designed to pressure you to fit into some mold you know and it's not necessarily what God has for you. So, yeah. Oh, agree. I mean, I'm excited and I and I also agree to to be honest. I think it's difficult in this day and age to be able to live up to the pressure. It's one thing for the pressure to be put on on us, right? And then to be able to live up to it to quite frankly, I even think it's not realistic. Um, but we have a few questions that we want to kind of use as guiding prompts for us to have a robust conversation. But do you have anything to say on on on the pressure of having it all together? Are you just just set? No, I I mean I agree. Like if anything, I would say like the pressure that I mostly had was like being the first born
(4:07)The first-born daughter burden
daughter. Um in EU culture, I'm named the Ada. So I'm always the first one to like know everything. I'm the first generation to, you know, go to college, get all those things. Um and just whenever I graduated from college, I had this pressure of like I need to I need to take care of my family. I need to start getting money. I need to all do all these things. And it was just I was the first um I graduated during 2020. So I started during co so all the things that I was thinking like I'm an engineer. I can finally make money. That's when reality hit. That's when all these bills hit and I was like this is really hard. Am I ever going to be successful? Even though technically I am successful than most people. My friends kept on telling me like, "Hey, you're making more than the average person." But I just felt How much are you making? Anyways, I just felt this pressure of like I don't have it all together. I'm not taking care of my family. I'm not being of help. And yeah, it's it's a lot plus regular adult things that they never told us. I have a question on that, too, Pier before we again go to the question. Sorry. Like I feel like maybe I'm framing pressure in a negative way
(5:15)Can pressure ever be positive?
because is it possible for the pressure to have a positive impact? I guess again I guess we can we can get there when we when we get there but is it possible for the pressure to have a positive impact on who we are as I I I I don't I think honestly sometimes it does right um sometimes pressure comes pressure is the power of persuasion right um but but more often than not right the way it is now and the way the topic is we're looking at it is negative right Because God has a path for you, right? And what pressure does that kind of societal pressure nine times out of 10 is to push you out of that path, right? We define success as material success. Mhm.
(6:05)When success hurts your soul
Right. And the pressure that we experience, right, um is geared towards making us materially successful, right? But the Bible says a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his material possessions, right? We put a lot of emphasis on outward appearances. But the Bible says God does not judge by looking at the outward appearance. He looks at the heart of man. Right? So if we're not careful, what could appear to be positive in that they've encouraged you to be materially successful then becomes a negative because you pursue that to the detriment of your soul. Right? Beloved, I wish above all things that thou may prosper and be in health even as your soul prospers. Right? We can pursue the prosperity of one aspect of our lives over and above the prosperity of our entire being, right? And that's what pressure does, particularly the kind of pressure that we're talking about, the pressure from society. So you come out of, you know, your your first girl, right? So you're under all of this pressure to succeed, right? Nobody's asking you or nobody's interested in what God's call is for your life. Nobody's interested in what you were made to do. All we're interested in is what makes you financially a a financial uh um what makes you financially um what's the word? Affluent. Affluent. Okay. Right. And and it's it's automatically assumed that financial affluence is the best thing that can happen to you. Right. But there's a lot more, right? That is better for you than financial affluence, right? And then you so you go to college, you come out that you're an engineer and immediately you're under pressure. You've got you've got your you've got your your student loans, right? Now you're under pressure to look after your family, look after your parents, look after your siblings, siblings that you didn't give birth to, parents that you didn't choose, right? All of a sudden there's this pressure that you have to do all of these things, right? And if you're not careful, that thing will drive you mad and drive you to depression. And honestly, I would even say like social media had a part into it as well cuz like social media it was I mean hate cuz like whenever I'm seeing you know all these people I'm just like this girl's an engineer too or like I even don't let me hear they're they're younger than me. I'm like what are they doing that I'm not doing? I'm like I'm not they're younger than me and they're already this successful this and that and like I'm seeing all this but then again like you said it's social media but it's hard sometimes cuz I don't want to downplay their success and thinking like oh it's probably fake but it's like what if it's really real and it's real. Yeah. Okay. You know that's how we consume that problem. No, but but you know the truth
(8:45)Fingers are not equal: Maternal irony
is my mother used to say something right which is very ironic. My mother would lift up her hand and look at say look at all these fingers and she say they're not equal. Right? But she did that when it was convenient. She's the same person that say look at your brother. Right? So when you ask her for something she doesn't want to do she doesn't want to do and you say well Tund has a bike and she doesn't want to buy you a bike. She say you know fingers are not equal. But when you know she's trying to push you. She say look at what is doing and you are here. Look at your life. You're just wasting your life. We're here. I see your life. You know they say see your life. Just just wasting away. Meanwhile, your mates have done this. Your mates have done that. Your mates have done that. Right. And all of those things are designed to put you under pressure to make you do whatever it is that is um that is that is required of you. And and again the measure of a man is not in how much money he has. The measure is of a man is the extent to which he has fulfilled purpose. And if your purpose is just to make money and you know they're fine but I think that we should be asking people or we should be trying to encourage people to find out what their goal or their purpose is in life. You know just talking about like your mates your mates. I feel like that probably also adds a lot of pressure to like specifically I feel like African kids cuz I always grew up like oh your friend is doing this why don't you do that or like oh haven't you seen so and so they're doing this and it's just like if and some sometimes they're even comparing you to some friends and you're like if only you knew what this friend really be doing. You're just seeing you're just seeing the little but but even though you know Yeah. that that friend is is is strong out 90% of the time you still feel pressured. M even though you know the truth about the yeah this person they're comparing me to is just a drunk you still you still feel pressure you know and and what God did for me one time was to tell
(10:40)Ministering to your grace, not theirs
me that let everybody minister according to the grace that I have given them and that set me free. If God has not given me the ability to do something nobody can pressure me into it or pressure me about it. You cannot pressure me now to be a basketball player. There's no I can sit down and you can have 200 NBA players with there are Ferraris and Lamborghinis. I will not once say, "Oh, maybe I should go and play basketball. What what what can I what can I pressure you into now?" Yeah. I don't know. I really don't know. You want to pressure? Yeah. I'm just curious because I mean I feel like Please understand me. There's some things I can be pressured into. Yeah. Really? Particularly if I think I may have the ability to do it. If I know I don't, you cannot. It's like asking me to give you money I don't have. I'm not going to lose any sleep over it. I don't get I don't get you saying I I don't have I I cannot play basketball. Like I can't play basketball. It's just the fact. And no matter how many NBA players I see on Instagram, right? Can you play soccer? I can't table tennis. No. Go on. What can you play? Can you see this comedian? On this. No, not like I I can I I can I can kick a ball. Okay. But not enough to make a carrier out of it. Okay. Okay. Right. I can play table tennis, but not enough to make a penny from it. I can basketball. I can't play to save my life. Okay. I I don't think I've ever thrown a ball into a basket. I do nothing. It's interesting now. So, cuz I'm hearing you and baby talk and I my my situation is different. I'm the I'm the last born. Oh, so you
(12:35)The last-born syndrome
so see life, you know. I It wasn't all rosy. I I don't consider myself a serious person. We don't either. Yeah. It's okay. Stop wearing. Stop wearing. Yeah, we we don't. I promise you. I promise you today we're in agreement on that. Mhm. Okay. Let me uh let me let me not the no expected. What were you expecting? I don't know. Like you know me. Really? I don't know. I just thought it would be. We're very honest. I can tell. I can tell. But for me, pressure looks a little differently as the last punch out because the expectation I felt like wasn't that high for whatever reason, right? That explains a lot. Wait, nobody does now. The guy can't speak English. I know. Clearly, nobody nobody pressured him to to learn English. I've been picking out some words though dropping words. I've been picking up like, you know, like acumen, for example. That's a tough Oh my god. Oh, let's give him a round of applause, my friend. No, but pressure looks a little different for me, you know, like I think I see my siblings and I see what they're doing and materially speaking, I've never been moved by, ah, they're bullying or whatever. But I also think I'm easily dismissed in a sense. Ah, this guy is just a funny guy, like serious guy. And I find myself overcompensating sometimes, right? Just so that way I'm not just seen as he's just not a serious dude. Ah, yes. Yes, only if I makes senseless. That's why you guys can go on on these meandering exercises in philosophical thoughts that lead nowhere. Okay. Um, wait, you know, it's okay. Why do Christians not okay? No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm actually curious cuz I I always wanted to know a last born's perspective. I feel like y'all always be cruising. I mean, I see my little sister. I feel like she I feel like she'd be cruising. That sounds very You sound like envious. And I lowkey am. I wish you could I wish you could switch. Pros and cons and cons. I don't I don't want that level of responsibility at all personally. Yeah. You know so much when you start cuz you're the first to be the oldest and you can start saying stuff about your family. Who put a gun to your head and said you got to do all these things? And see that's the thing. So, nobody actually. And I talked to my mom and thank God for her cuz she told me like, "Why are you stressing yourself?" And I think it's just because you care too much about what people think. But then also, I see like what's going on in my family and I'm always like a solution person. I'm like, "Okay, I need to do this so that these problems that we're Who who says you need to?" I did cuz I I want to do that for my family. I want pressure is not external. Yeah. It's internal. It's internal, right? So you're the one giving yourself pressure but is you know is a pressure that's being put in a good place because I I want us to be clear right because sometimes right we we put the blame where the blame is not deserved right a lot of pressure is internal it's not societal right you are stressing yourself and nobody cares right it's like in America right if you come from if you're an immigrant right where what you wear matters right where you Um um what you what you drive matters a lot, right? Then you get to America, right? And your boss is wearing clothes from stores that you would never shop at, right? Your boss doesn't even own a car, uses public transportation, right? It's a problem because we're under pressure to have this appearance of affluence, right? Because we want everybody to know how affluent we are. But then you're in a society where nobody cares about your appearance of affluence, right? Where's the pressure coming from? Why are you why are we getting into debt to buy designer clothes when nobody cares? Why are we getting into debt, right? To look wealthy when we live in a community when nobody cares about those things. They have things that they care about. Yeah. Right. Well, nobody cares about some things, but we carry a pressure from within ourselves. Right. You live in the middle of Boise, Idaho. And no offense if you live in Boise, right? And you are killing yourself to wear Bautga. People in Boise have no idea what Bautga is. That's internal. Is it possible though? Sorry, GI that like let's say I Man, I'm about to plug the next episode, but let's say I moved that pressure was put inside of me in my put inside of you. N just know the Nigerian conditioning of like okay wealth and affluence like you said earlier I moved to United States yeah you carry it with you and I carry it to me even though people there don't care might take a while take a man out of the bush you don't take the bush out of the man I'm sorry coming in yeah wait oh I mean I so you can take a man out of the bush but you trying to take the bush out of the man so the man is always a bush man is it just me or am I interpating take the man out of the bush but you know they be saying No, you can't take the hood out of like so it's the same. Oh, you can take a man out of Niger, but you can't take Niger out of the man. And I'm not saying Niger is the bush. Please don't don't get me into trouble. I don't want to be dragged. Okay. Okay. It's not saying that. So So you're saying in that context is not necessarily the the programming in Nigeria that I brought with me to America. What I'm saying is this, do not be conformed to the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Right? That you may know what is the good, perfect, and acceptable will of God. Right? Wherever it is we are, our goal should always be to conform to the will of God for our lives. Whether you're in Nigeria, whether you're in America, right? And what I have learned is this. God has given us his Holy Spirit. And sometimes the Holy Spirit serves as our internal radar, right? Our north star to show us what we need to align ourselves with. So if you're trying to align yourself with the culture, right, you get into trouble, whether it Okay, so I just said in America, a lot of people don't care about how you look. But they care about your house, the size of your house, what's the square footage of your house, how many acres is your house on, right? Where do you go for vacation, right? They care about those things. And some people get into trouble, right? Trying to fit into that mold as well. You know what I'm saying? M mhm. At some point, right, we have to look inwards and ask ourselves what is guiding us. Is it a desire to fit in with whatever envir you know, we're like chameleons, right? Are we trying to fit in with the American way, the Niger way, the British way? What about God's way, right? And my my my concern, right, is that we don't talk enough about the lack of an internal compass because all of these things we're trying to drag people to fit into appear virtuous on the surface. It it's appears virtuous to be wealthy, right? But a lot of people are miserable in the pursuit of wealth. How about real virtue like contentment, right? Why are we not pressuring people to be content? Why are we not pressuring people to find purpose? Why what did sorry P what do you think is the answer? I mean in your opinion like because it's a good question. Why are we not why is the voice of the culture cuz you've said this a lot of times in your sermons as well but for whatever reason the voice of the culture still seems to be stronger more at pain than the voice of the Holy Spirit. Like why don't we get it? We get it. We just choose not to. But but why? Cuz it seems like culture is creating suffering. I be certain pleasure but there's still a lot of misery. Let let me tell you why. I can't tell you why. Because my desire to look good in your eyes, right, is more real, right, than my desire to look good in God's eyes, right? So I I can see you. Your opinions are obvious, right? God's opinions sometimes you don't know it and sometimes he's like, "Okay, I love you anyway. So I've got God in the bag. God loves me no matter what you I got to I got to convince you. So I can I can easily put God aside and focus on making you happy. But the problem is this. You you have no tangible impact on my outcome. Only God does. Right? So why am I even looking at you or thinking about you or worrying about you? We're we're we're literally heading in the same direction. Right. No, that makes sense. I mean, as a as a Christian that you are as that we suppose as a as the as an alleged Christian allegedly alleged. No, I am. No, but but do you do you cuz I wanted to get PFC on this, but I wanted to obviously give you the floor first. Do you do you feel the pressure to have it all together? Like, how does that show up for you as a Christian? Um, I will say as a Christian it has showed up in like multiple times, but I will also say that um I'm still learning to like rely on the Holy Spirit and rely on like calming down and whenever I do find myself growing in that um anxiety of like not knowing if I'm going to ever be successful, it it's still a learning process for me cuz like I said, I'm still that internal thing. I'm still struggling with it cuz I keep talking about it myself and that people, you know, people ask me like, "Oh, how's everything? How's life?" And you're like, "It's fine." I put up and smile like, "Everything's fine." Meanwhile, I'm over here struggling in the back. I'm over here like, "Man, a dolphin is beating my butt." I'm I'm I'm I'm curious as to how it it still comes back to success. Right. So, you're a Christian, right? But the pressure is about success, not about I guess it's the definition of my success looks to me that I'm not like I have this dream life of this woman that I want to be and I'm like I'm not there yet. Why am I not there yet? Like what am I doing wrong? How do you define success? Is it how you defining success? How am I defining success? Ooh. Okay. No, I'm thinking about cuz what you said earlier about like that material I don't know why and and I and I feel let me not put words in. I feel like I understand where you're coming from. I don't know why for whatever reason materially speaking I'm still there attachment to position power. The thing is I'm not even thinking material wise. So I guess how do you define success? Um I would say my success is being able to finally be that woman of um virtue, a woman of resources I can share with other people that can help her family when they need to. that I don't feel like I want to help you, but I don't have I don't have the resources to help you. I'm I'm surprised you still mention a married woman. I'm just saying honestly, the way life is right now. Marriage is on the table. Marriage is on the table. Because the reason why I say that is that I know that a lot of women Yeah. right are under immense pressure to get married. Right. to get married from family, from society, right? From friends, and from within. I I'm so grateful. So, like whenever I graduated, I had this auntie that I barely talk to. She's like, "Where's your where's your husband?" Mind you, I really went to college saying like, "Focus on your studies. Focus on your studies." I do get that though. They they tell you, "Don't talk to boys. Your boy touches you, you're going to get pregnant. Don't read your book. Read your book." And then in case you get Where's your Where's your husband? Where's your husband? And he fell from the sky. I thank God to my mom. My mom was like when I told her I was like auntie is saying this. She said don't she literally said don't worry about that. Focus on you like focus on you getting what you need your career and all that stuff. A husband will come like you have your life. Amen. Amen. Amen. There's now that's in my position. I know there's a lot of friends that their mom is like where's your husband? What are you doing this d? And I think I don't have that pressure. You don't feel any pressure to get married? I don't feel any pressure to get married. I am 28. Ah okay. I have a question. It's coming. I have a question. I have a question. No, I don't think it's I don't think it's coming from my mom. I don't think it's not from my mom. I don't think it's coming from my mom. Different angle, but it will come. It's going to come. It's going to come, but not for my mom. I have a question and look at the camera. You cannot lie. That's your camera. Don't lie. Don't lie. In fact, you don't have to talk. Okay. Straight face, right? Okay. Smile if you're single. [Laughter] I don't I don't worry. They know. They know. They know. They know. Yeah. I I I know that's something that those are some things that I I've got I'm talking about, right? About this this pressure. Everybody can scream at you and say, "You have to get married. You have to get married. You have to get married. Why aren't you married? Why don't you want married?" Right. Ultimately, you're the person that's going to live with whoever it is you married. Exactly. Right. Exactly. People will push you, push you, push you. And then turn around and be like, "What are you looking at? How could you have married such a person?" Pressure. Right. So, so you've got people, right, trying to act as if, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't really care. Or, you know, it's just like there's a constant at we're reacting to pressure. Yeah. Right. Either we're masking its impact on us or we're outrightly craving, you know, look, I'm under pressure. I have to marry. You know what I'm saying? But why can't we just let the Holy Spirit be our compass, right? and say, "What does God want for me?" Right? What does God want for me? When does God want it for me? Right? As if if God said to you right now, you're going to get married in the next 7 years. Oh my god. There you see. There you go. There you go. You see what I'm saying? Sorry. Your reaction was your reaction. Your reaction is perfect and it's honest. I'm sorry. No, no, no, no. But if God says you're going to get married in seven years, let me tell you what that does. Number one, it eliminates the worry. It should eliminate the worry that am I going to marry? Am I not going to marry? Right? So now you got 7 years to do whatever it is you want to do. Right? Because in seven years, God says you're going to be married. Right? But guess what? It doesn't do that because you still have to convince Tund and Aqu and Esther that you are desirable. The fact that you're not married now is not an indication that there's something wrong with you. So you still going to feel the pressure and chances are you will try and get married before that seven years that God said not because why if God says you're going to get married in seven years right it's because that is what is best for you right why will we force it before the seven years even though it's seven years is 40 45 50 do do you know you're wait I'm just trying to say like no matter how long the seven years I'm not saying for you oh I was like is he trying add the seven. I'm just saying in case somebody out there is watching and they are getting you understand. Yes. Yes. And God said in seven years you will marry and that seven years could be and and and don't don't misunderstand me. You can you can you can want there's you can want to marry or you can want to be the CEO of a fortune 500. There's an internal compass right that I think is legitimate, right? Every human being should have an internal compass, right? But when that internal compass is being swayed by people who did not make you, people who don't know you, right, and people who have no idea where you're going, right, then it becomes problematic, right? And us allowing that to so so this whole thing of having this appearance, I had a a mental health I had a a breakdown in 20 2019. Mhm. 2018. toward 2018 2018 2019 right and the reason why I had that well one of the reasons right was because I was so stressed out from trying to be who everybody thought I should be right from trying to appear like I was this perfect pastor who never got upset who never got angry who never got hurt who didn't make mistakes right so invariably the pressure of keeping of appearing like I had it all together. I almost lost my mind. And when I came out of that, I determined, right, and my friend will tell you, right, I determined that what you see is what you get. And so I'm vocal about my challenges. I'm vocal about, yeah, I have fallen. Sometimes I fall, I stumble, right? And do what you want with it. Do what you want with it. And guess what? I'm still alive. I don't have certain things. I'm still alive. I am no longer a slave to what you think. Right now, the issue is what does God think? Right? And if I'm able to establish what God thinks, man, you can fly a kite. Honestly, PF, I think that's so powerful. We have a a hot take corner, but I feel like we should just change it to a vulnerability corner because the way you kind of I personally feel like the reason why your message as a vessel right of the word is impacting my life is because you you you're vulnerable and you're relatable. you you you you hold the the word the word at a high regard, but you also don't hold it in a sense where it's like I have the word and look at you guys like you're so I think personally that's that's great, right? Also, I want to really quickly plug for we're not talking about relationships right now, but for those that heard PF Elon kind of dive into relationships, check out our previous episodes, red flags, green flags, trust me, at least you will laugh. At the very least, you laugh. Um, but back to the heart corner, right? Or I want to call it vulnerability corner. So the fact that you're able to share like as a pastor, as a man of God, and you went through that experience, is there any part of you that's thinking I know you already said they can fly a kite, but take it out. It's kind of I don't want people to misconrue God's or whatever it is power or whatever because I'm out here saying that as a pastor, as a man of God, and you've touched on this in the past before. I went through that kind of episode, right? Is there any No, absolutely not. No pressure at all in that. Okay. So So let So let me explain, right? The Bible says comfort others with the comfort with which you've been comforted. Right? I have no credibility to comfort you if you do not know that I have been through what you've been through. Right? The Bible says Jesus Christ was a man of sorrows acquainted with grief. Right? The Bible says he had no appearance of beauty that people would be drawn to him. Right? God was very transparent about who Jesus was. Right? So when I present myself as a perfect person, I'm not conforming to the image of Christ. That's number one. Number two, I set myself up, right? I put myself on a pedestal, right? That I'm going to fall from. And when I fall, because it's inevitable that I fall in one way or the other, right? Then what happens to the people who I have convinced of my invincibility, right? Then they start to think, oh, this and all that. No, it's better they know up front, I am a man just like you, right? The Bible says Elijah was a man of like passions, right? Of light passions. Like like passion. Yeah. Meaning he was just like us. He had the same struggles and the same challenges, but he did great things. I want people to know that with your struggles and with your challenges, you can do great things. But I also want people to know that with your struggles and your challenges, you're you're not God doesn't hate you. Cuz I thought God hated me. M I thought it was because of sin or this or that. And when I couldn't find my own sin, I started looking for the sins of my ancestors. And when I couldn't find the the sin of my recent ancestors, I started looking for ancestors that my the point I'm trying to make is I have no I don't I don't think about it anymore. Initially, right, coming out of the the and you never really come out of mental illness completely. Some people do, but I still struggle, right? There's still days when I'll call my friend and I'll be like, "Guy, I'm having a rough day." And what's wrong? I can't I can't explain it. I just wake up in the morning and I am at a level of sadness that is not normal. That is not based on my circumstances or my environment, you know. So, I struggle with it and I asked God, heal me. I've not yet seen the fullness of the healing. The point I'm trying to make is this, right? I don't have it all together. I don't have it all together mentally. I don't have it all together physically. I don't have it all together. Financially, right? I don't have it all together. My marriage is not perfect. My friends will tell you I'm not perfect. You guys, you saw me just now, you know, struggling to find a comfortable position in the church. You all should have seen it, you know, sensational. But that is who we all are, right? We all have struggles in this world. We will have struggles. Why are we ashamed of that and coming out acting as if we've got it all together? That thing that that trying to keep it look like you have it all together. It almost drove me mad. It almost drove me mad. So I can't imagine what they would do to people. I don't know. Maybe I'm weak, but if I'm weak, who cares, right? They can fly a kite. God's strength is perfected in my weakness. And then they can fly two kites. Absolutely. One with each hand. Absolutely. And give me real quick. I know you're about to say something, but if you are struggling to figure out the right bread though, the right baked good and you've tried everywhere. You go to Kroger, Whole Foods, and you're like, hm, it's just doesn't quite hit the mark. What do you need for me? Guess what? Bar Avenue Bakery. This episode is sponsored by Bar Avenue Bakery. You should try their signature loaf. Ah, what's what's your favorite um of the menu of Bar Bakery? What's What's your favorite? I like the shortbread cookies. The Belgian chocolate shortbread. Chef's kiss. Do you do a chocolate mousse? You see what I did there? You do that. Is that I'm sorry. Okay. Um Yeah. Don't forget to use uh code PFP PF10. you get 10% off and and we're trying to see if you use the code tunday 15 it will not work cool it will not work but yeah sorry back to the episode what you going to say sorry I was going to say that it was really good that you were able to well during that time when you felt like you had to put it all together did you not I want to say did you have people that you did share with or did you not share with nobody at all. Because the reason why I asked that is because I think when people try to put it all together, they're not they don't have anybody around them that they can be vulnerable or share like, hey, I'm going through these things. And so many times that's an illusion, right? The idea that you don't have anybody around you. Many times, yeah, many times the devil will convince you that you are alone, right? So that you can carry the load and so that he can destroy you, right? But the truth is this. Yeah. The truth is this and this is I'm not this is not for everybody. Most of us, right, are parts of a family. We're parts of a community, right? The reason why we don't talk is not necessarily because the people around us will treat us some type of way. The reason why we don't talk many times because of what we are afraid the people around us will say. M and there are some people around us that are just idiots and you tell them you're struggling and they will behave like idiots, right? But there are people around us who will rise up to the occasion, right? I have a friend is actually here today and and he knows he knew exactly what I was going through and he stood by me, right? And he helped me. In fact, God used him and I not say like cuz he's here cuz he can wire can touch he's a prayer point but I can see his head swelling smiling anyhow and he said he's already big anyway. So you know but but jokes aside you know he he he I spoke with him you know and and and I'm not saying that everybody has that. Yeah, right. But a lot of us have it. We just are too worried about what people think to even take advantage of the things that God has blessed us with. Right? At a minimum, at a minimum, there are mental health care providers, right, that you can reach out to if you're struggling, right? Try the people that you're going to go tell them struggling. Many of them are struggling too and they're just looking for somebody to you know break the dam and say you're struggling. Me too. Yeah. You know but we're going to struggle in silence because it's not done in our community. You don't have mental health issues. Are you mad? If you say you are having mental health you are mad been Americanized. You say you're depressed. They'll say I reject that in Jesus name. I reject it in Jesus name. But Amen. Amen. Sometimes it happens. No, I I appreciate I I've always appreciated a level of vulnerability and and I for me because I even asked the earlier question was like as a as an alleged Christian. Mhm. There is there are moments where like let's say I'm outside and I want to have a drink a cocktail. Yeah. I'm conscious of okay like I don't know how this would look depend the the audience right and I feel that pressure of just let me not misbehave. Mhm. But then I know that's good. That's good. Yeah. Because the Bible says, right, don't let your meat cause your brother to sin, right? So if you are in an environment where there might be people who will take your liberty as license for them, right? Yeah, that's that's fair for you to be conscious of the fact that somebody might see what you're doing, right? And run off the deep end with it. Yeah. But does not make me I guess back to the V. Does it not make me give the illusion of I don't really does that make you all together that you don't drink? Yeah. I don't know. I just don't want to like I I guess the way I'm interpreting is I don't want to give off the illusion that I look at him. He doesn't drink. He's all put together. So that means that people you you you feel like not drinking implies that you've got it all together. No. Um there are people who don't drink who don't have who who are who are who are who are in just that specific context. Yeah. Yeah. What I'm trying to say is like regardless of the context, okay, you want people to think you might be worried about what they what think about your Christianity. Why is my if I act like I'm all put together quote unquote depending on what context it is. You can have a glass of wine and still Yeah. You know. Okay. Jesus Christ. They called him a wine bber surrounded by my guy today. That's my guy. So So that that but I understand what you're saying. Yeah. Right? For me, that's not pressure, right? Unless you're an alcoholic, right? And then it's the alcohol that's pressuring you. It's not the people. It's not the people. It's the booze that he's giving you. Okay. Right. That that is consideration. Okay. Right. You you're considering that, okay, there might be weaker Christians around. So, you're not going to, you know, be downing cocktail after cocktail, right? because there are weaker people Christians around and you don't want to lead them astray because they may not be able to handle their alcohol like you you know you wait okay you're a champion go all the way there but I'm serious okay like and and just to wrap up real quickly um for anyone out there that's obviously struggling PF with the pressure of making it all look like it's together or They just can't. They are Christians, right? Or alleged Christians, but they're trying genuinely to, you know, to cast all their burdens. Yeah. Right. What what what what advice would you Bible says that it is for liberty sake that Christ has set us free? If you are in an environment that is pressuring you to to to look a certain way, sound a certain way to the detriment of your mental health, to the detriment of your wellbeing, you may need to consider whether you need to be in that environment. That's that's that's important to say. Um, but what is most important, right, is that your ways are pleasing to your God. no one else. And I think we need to focus on that as individuals, right? What does God expect of you? What does God demand of you? No man will judge you in heaven. None. Only God. So these days, yeah, I try I try very hard to keep that in mind. You know, the people who are judging me, they they have problems. They have serious problems. M I mean because I'm a pastor, I know everybody has problems. It makes it easier for me to not be so hung up on my own problems, you know, but it's life. That's what happens. All right. Well, that's a word. Um appreciate y'all. Like, subscribe, share, and if you also want to be a sponsor, it's okay. You can sponsor. It doesn't have to always. You can sponsor. Just hit us up on on socials. Why can't it always be viral or emailing us? No, because people want to contribute to to the podcast and they also want some of us to get paid. Well, we have we have a sponsor here. OSIS um wellness wellness. Yeah. Yes. Um and um um the the the drink the lot drink. We can't say we can't say we we'll fix it in production, but you're going to talk about about Yes. If you want to sponsor, like they said, email us. The details will be down below. And for the next episode, y'all, we're going to have some fun. We're going to be taking some questions from our comments. Don't want to miss it. But yeah, follow, subscribe, do questions. All right, and we'll see you next week. Thank you'all. Later. [Music] Unfiltered. [Music]