(0:00)The moment of betrayal
Are you changing because you had been caught or did you change because it was time to change? I think both. I feel like two things can be can be right at at the same and one can be the catalyst for the other. Yeah. Being caught can make you feel like, you know what? What the hell? And this and I'll go back to the to the beginning, right? I think my thought process people always ask me this. What was what was I thinking in that season when all of that was going on? The being caught or the the cheating part, the the having an affair part. And truly, I wasn't thinking. And if I was thinking at all and it sounds crazy, right, when you say not really, not really. Yeah. Not really. Yeah. Because if you ask most guys, right, you know, not to all sorts of reasons, but really I was a babe. Yeah. Do you know that was what pained me the most? It's like he had no reason.
(0:48)Welcome to PF Unfiltered
So, welcome to another episode of BF. I'm trying to copy those guys. Those guys, they say this is what the last guy that was here. What's it? What's that guy's name again? I don't remember his name. What's his name? That guy. He talk not to the the other guy. The new guy that doesn't talk much. Kenneth. Kenneth is my guy by the way. I'm just messing around. Kenneth goes, "Welcome to another episode of PF Unfiltered." I'm like, "Welcome to another episode of PF Unfiltered. My name is Fe Montro and I am PF in PF unfiltered. Today we've got two um amazing amazing people with us who I believe have a lot to share with us. Yeah. Um I'll let them introduce themselves cuz I don't want to embarrass them. Oh wow. We go right to it. Go right to it. Yep. We're jumping in. Ladies first. By the way, some that's how we do it here. I was going to ladies first. Calm yourself down. Okay. Me lady. Okay. Oh wow. Me lady. Just that is just an example of what's going to happen today.
(1:53)Meet the couple: LA & Laja
Hi guys, my name is Toen LA and this is my husband. So LA. Yes. What does LA stand for? Los Angeles. Wow. Wow. We own all of LA. All of it. Yeah, we own all of it. All of it. No, for real though. For real though. Just kidding. Last name is Laja AIO. How did it become LA? That's a good question. I'm really curious. I think it was our compromise. Not on purpose, but our compromise. Um, I remember when I first met him and his I found out he had a hyphenated last name. It's really cool where we're from in Nigeria, but here it's not really that cool. People are like, why? And so I since I'm from here, that's why I'm asking. Yeah. Oh, okay. Okay. And I'm like, uh, can we when we get married, can we shorten it? Can we pick like the family name? because the Laja is his father's first name and Akinta is the family name and I think they wanted to separate their own boys and their four boys. So I was like can we go back to just Akino? We're going to have our own kids. That's a long name and I said no. Right. I'm still asking. Anyways, I asked I'm still asking. Anyways, um I think over time I think he started calling one of our friends started calling me actually LA. So yeah, that's what he just called And then over time it stuck and our kids found it easier. So we're LA cuz cuz for me right LA describes your your character, your personality. How? She's very exuberant. Okay. Exuberant. Tossing. Tossy should either be tossing early or to Hollywood. Oh [ __ ] Yeah. I've never met somebody whose last name fits like to really. Oh yeah. To So are you saying LA doesn't fit my my for me LA is kind of like the husband of to LA. I'll take it. I don't mind. Hey, hey, hey. You know, being called the husband of LA is not a bad thing. It's not a bad thing. You know what? You guys, my head is getting big. Tell your head in check, please. Respect yourself. Calm yourself down. So, how did you guys meet? How did we meet? You want to tell it cuz
(4:00)The 'Freak-nick' picnic story
you are better at making it so So, I've been known to be a terrible storyteller. Oh, man. But I will try. I would try my version. We met at a at a picnic that a friend of mine put together. No, no, I don't believe that. No, honestly was. What kind of picnic? So, do you say picnic or freak ink and and the whole thing has fallen apart? No, the the is unplugged. See, this is why we're doing this. Oh, he was telling you to bring it up down like this. Oh, okay. You got to put that thing. So, I have to put that thing back in. Are you sure? Okay. Are you sure? He said, "Don't worry." Okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay. What were we He's We're starting He was telling us that you guys met at a freaknick. Oh, PF. What did you hear? That's That's That's kind You see? I'm shocked. No, not a freaknick. A picnic. Ah, okay. There was supposed to be a birthday party. I was I was that was put together by a friend of mine. Okay. And uh it turned into a picnic. So it turned into a a picnic like outdoor with food and people. Gotcha. Park. Uh on a summer day. Yes. Picnic. Okay. Continue, please. Yes. So Tosson walked in uh uh sorry I walked in and Tossen was already there before we got there. Meanwhile, there was a conversation that I was having with a buddy of mine in the car. Uh and he was having a conversation with Tosson. He was the one who invited Tosen. Um and so I had said some things in the car that went to too kind about to about the conversation about the conversation that he was having. So essentially, he was begging her to show up at this party. So you know how you you're sitting in a car, I'm driving, my boy is next to me, and he's just begging this girl. Do you know the guy who was begging? I had no idea. I've never met her. He's just talking and begging. Please call the guy. She's telling him, "Who's that guy?" Wonderful guy. Amazing guy. He He lives He was just No, no, no. He lives in in Nigeria now. Oh, okay. We were kids. We were in We were in college. I know the guy. Yeah. He was just my friend. I know. I know the guy. So, yeah, he was he was literally begging. I You can I know what they were talking about cuz she was talking about uh not knowing what to wear. It's going to be a long drive. And this guy was just begging. So, I got fed up and I just I just I yelled at him. I'm like, "Guy, leave her alone. If she doesn't want to come, she doesn't want to come. Why are you?" She heard what I said. Yeah. And I think that was the actual reason. And I was like, "You're rude friend." And because of what he said, I'll come. Mhm. Yeah. And you know how like on social media, you see this thing where they say, "In 2025, you're going to meet this guy at a place." No, your friend is going to invite you to a place. This is my version. In 2003, your friend is going to invite you to a picnic. You're not going to want to go, but please go because that's the day you're going to meet your husband. Oh, that is so that's my version of that. That's That's interesting. So the way you are just It's interesting. It wasn't interesting. It was interesting. So you guys met at a picnic? Yes, we did. Okay. And how did So what happened? You just started talking. No. Oh. Do you really want like details? I want to know because I want to know. You want him to tell? I want to know how how we met.
(7:40)I don't shake girls
Yes. Right. Okay. Cuz now I told you we in the picnic. Yes. Right. Mhm. I get to the picnic and the boys were not there. It was just a bunch of girls. There was one particular girl that was extremely nice to me. So I I you know noticed her, left that. And then when the guys showed up, they're all group of friends. I was new. I was the one person that wasn't part of that friend friend group. I was his friend. So when the guys showed up, he's introducing me to all the guys. And so he was the last guy in the lineup. All of them, you know, hi, hi, hi. No big deal. It gets to him and I put on my hand and shake his hand like I had done with every other guy. And he like doesn't put out his hand. Instead, he's he tries to go in for a hug. He's like, "What do he goes?" He goes, "I don't shake girls." That was what he said. He said, "I don't shake girls." And I was like, "Okay." So, I I gave him a church hug. Why wasn't that a red flag, though? It wasn't a red flag. Well, okay, let me put it this way. Someone says I don't shake girls, right? That means that they're very, you know, Yeah. You know, Red Flag didn't really exist the way it exists. Yes. It and it it didn't really exist like broadly the way it exists now. So, so the absence of this hype about red flags gave you the space to look beyond. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. Are you people hearing red flags? I mean, I'm not saying red flags are not good or they're good. Okay. Let's not talk about it. We've hyped it. Yeah, we've pushed it. But anyways, to me it was he's pretty confident. And of all the other guys, of all the guys, he was actually the smallest. And I use the word smallest on purpose. He wasn't just shorter than them. He was smaller than them. And I was like, you know, small guy but big personality. And I thought, okay, interesting. Moved on from that. And then the same guy who invited me was like, remember I've been trying to tell you that there's this guy that can dance ice dance um that can dance like you, like the male version of you. He's here. And then he points again. Same guy. He's like, "Y'all need to dance." And they start pitching us together. Back in the days, too. I know. You can't believe it, but I I know you dance. Okay. Okay. Just just in case you didn't. Yeah. They started pitching us together. We danced together. And when we started dancing was when I realized, okay, there's something even more special about this guy. I used to be a little bit on the slightly delusional side when I was younger. I used to feel like I was going to marry a guy who could sing and dance because those are my two favorite things. No, he cannot. But he fooled me. If I had to sing to save my life, just just let let go. Go and let go. Yeah. Let go and let go. Just pull me pull me pull me away. So, how do you guys get from from that
(10:15)The reality of marrying at 23
dance to to where we are today? Two children, two lovely kids. Yeah. Yeah. How do you guys get there? It's been a It's God's grace. Yeah. That's what we always say. God's grace because there's been a lot of uh things along the way. Uh we got married quite early. What's earlier? 23. Who was 23? Both of us. Both of us. Wow. Yeah. Both of us are the same age. My my daughter is 24. Yeah. Dam. So, so last year for Damia. Can you imagine last year for dam while she was still in college? By the way, she called me this evening to ask me the the faucet in her bathtub was not working. Okay. And she called me to ask me if that was an emergency enough. If that qualified as an emergency. Oh yeah. Lord have mercy. To call the I'm like really to call the apartment. Uh imagine them coming to tell me now. Yeah. But you also know that
(11:15)Growing up too fast
the background that we had we're exposed to a lot of things quite early. So I think the and I didn't have the option of a dad to call for things. If I had, I probably would still be that kind of a 23 year old. But because I was you had to grow fast. I grew up fast. Yeah. Okay. So, you were not 23 23. You were like 28 23 in the in the head. Yeah, that's what I mean. Not him or maybe me really. Yeah. Cuz if we weigh it, I always say that. I feel like I mean I don't always say this. This is a general thing. Like women technically I'm sorry. Women are young. Yes. Does that make it true? When we're younger. When we're younger, you you can't pitch a 23-y old guy and a 23-y old girl together and tell me they're the same level of maturity. Tendency to be emotionally more aware. Aware. Okay. All right, then. Let's take that. Yeah, I agree. So, I was emotionally more aware. Please put your hands down. Let's put it that way. I was emotionally more uh aware. Okay. And uh but when it comes to us getting married, he was actually more sure than I was. I that's that's honestly the the truth about that is I always tell him I said I got married to you because you were sure cuz I was it. Okay. So so so how long have you been married now?
(12:30)Why we didn't give up
We just celebrated our 20th anniversary in September. She married for 20 years. I know right. Okay. So so that thing they say about when you marry young it fails. It's not true. in our in our case it failed because we a few times we made a decision earlier to to work at it right and I've seen some people who got married around the time that we got married who are no longer together today okay but it's not because could be true it's not inherent that a marriage with two young people will it's not automatic is my No it's not absolutely not okay so the difference between your marriage and a lot of marriages you've seen is that the two of you made a commitment to walk through it. Absolutely. Absolutely. That is correct. Give me an example of something you had to walk through that has ended a lot of marriages. Oh wow. Should I go first? Which one are you going for? The first actually you know one I'm married so I know that it's different for everybody. Yes. Right. So there are times when Sami would be walking through things. Yeah. And to see is like everything is great.
(13:30)The secret to 20 years
Right. I think we've had some pretty Yeah. We we've we've had ups and downs. We've had some big ups and I mean some big downs that are so significant to both of us. So I'm curious to see which one he I wasn't even going to point to any of those. Oh really? To the question of an example. I would say just a mindset having a growth mindset I think is key. What does that mean? To me that means that the husband that Tossi married at 23 cannot possibly stand at 40 plus right I have to continuously change I have to continuously evolve just as she's evolving right so the consistent growth I think is what has kept us together tell tell me how that growth everybody grows life life forces you to grow but how does that growth manifest in marriage. When you say grow, what does that growth mean as a husband? Has Hey, give give it give an example. Let me give an example. I think an example might help answer this. In our first literally our was it wasn't our first it was our second year of being married. By the way, when we got married, we were in college. Like this is not we were going to school, right? We lived on campus. I lived on my campus, he lived on his campus. So, we were it was a very interesting start. But in the second year, we actually had a case of infidelity where he stepped out on the marriage and um I I found out it was a very dramatic uh incident, but I was You have to This is This is the tea right here. This this one. Can I have Can I have a cup of tea, please? Please tell us more. I'll take I'll take some too. I'll take some Tell us some more about this. Um I mean, this story is not something that is like new. I feel like we say we told it so many times. Tell us again. Okay, for those at the back and I'm asking just for a friend. Tell us again. Yeah, I mean when we started off things were okay. We were we're crazy in love. In fact, we used to make according to our friends, we made them uncomfortable with the way we loved each other. You still make us uncomfortable by the way. Just sorry continue. Sorry. Sorry. Continue. Okay. But um when we had to we had to go to separate schools at one point and when we did that we we I moved on campus in Texas. He moved on campus in Oklahoma. Well, he's 24 24 year old um boy technically in college. Young man in college. Boy. Yeah. Conveniently not wearing his ring. And at this point, like we said earlier, very confident, very charismatic, can dance. He's in the clubs, of course. He's not like a Jesus boy or anything by no means. So, um, there Were you a Jesus girl at the time? I I I would say that I was, but I wasn't as mature spiritually as I am now. No, you were a Jesus girl. So, how did you end up? I have a lot of questions for you. She She was a Jesus girl. At least based upon him. So, you pretended you're a Jesus girl? No, he never I never pretended. He never did. Oh, no. That that I don't again I said he was. Sure. Okay. Okay. I got you. I got you. I got you. You have lots of questions. Which would you like for me to answer right now? No. No. Sorry. I There's just so much excitement here. There's so much. So much. Okay. Let's go back to the um 24 year old man. Him to not to cut the story too short, but I guess he started dating a girl like dating. He wasn't just like he was dating a girl. He got a separate cell phone. I wouldn't call it dating. You was just like what's that? No. Like it wasn't like like he was maybe seeing a girl once in a while. Wasn't a smash and dash. No. No. Because we had a family plan on our cell phone. What's a smash and dash? Sleep with somebody once. Sleep with somebody once and move on. Oh, a one night stand. Oh, acting like Why are we acting like Why is our producer acting like he doesn't use that kind of language? He doesn't. Splash and dance. A producer. Okay. Our producer said we should keep going. I'm sorry. I just had to clarify. So let me full-blown affair. Let me tell you why I I I believe this was a full-blown affair because we had a family cell phone plan, right? And you know in those days with family cell phone plans, they send you your bill with the numbers that you call. Yes. So he knew that. So he got a separate cell phone. Wow. And that separate cell phone was for this girl only. Okay. Right. So that's a full-blown relationship. Right. So, at this point when I'm so sorry. Can I ask you? Of course. Can you clarify that? Was that a full-blown relationship? I'm just curious now. Please don't ask. I'm not here right now. They don't. No, for real though. No, but so far so true. Okay. All right. All right. Yeah. So, we're way past this, man. Like, for real, there was a time when telling this story, I would cry, but it's 20 years. You know what I'm saying? Like, how many years down the line? It's no big deal anymore. We've used it to bless so many people. A lot of lives have been changed. um with our testimony that for me now it's just a funny story. Yeah. So funny. So um needless to say it was actually two years in because we were in the middle of planning our big wedding. I had graduated. Yeah. Cuz you graduated a year. You had already been seeing her anyways by the time I graduated. So I had graduated and I was now in Dallas and I was living um in a house with my mom and he was in Oklahoma with his final year. He had one more year. So that one year of my first year as a nurse, I'm working towards our wedding while he's a student full-time in Oklahoma. And you know, you make it even sound worse. Oh, man. You kept money. He and you were No, no, no. I think No. Yeah, you were a full-time student at that time. I was I was grinding and working and going to school, but it doesn't matter. He was going to school. It doesn't matter. Uh but then um in this season when he was going to that school I was comfortable with him going because one of my friends was also going to that same school with him and it was one of those you got me keep an eye on him for me you know kind of situation. So and she was also very good friends with him. Apparently she had noticed that he had been seeing this girl and she had told him multiple times to quit but he refused. So finally she calls me up and on this day I'd worn my scrubs. I'm going to work. I'm driving on I30. I'm heading to work. And I'd already told my mom, I'm off to work. And then I get a phone call from this friend of mine. She's like, I've been trying not to tell you. It's been going on for so long and I can't keep it anymore. But I mean, somebody's cheating on you. And I I promise you, ma'am, PF on I30. I I know you know. I don't know if you know I30. I I I I ex I exit. I'm heading to work. I exit. Did you exit stage left or stage right? Slap him. exit stage right. I literally exit and you know I pull over because it was I was like wait what? Like first of all this is my summit. Like the way we wear you would never ever believe it. So I'm like wait what? So I pull over and I trust her. I I really did trust her. Um and she starts to give me details. She's like first of all he's got a separate cell phone. That's why you've never known. Uh second of all when you come into town because he knows you're coming he puts up your photos. He wears his ring. But when you're not around, the moment you're gone, the photos come down. He doesn't wear his ring. Like he was living single. And so I was like, "Okay, can you do me a favor?" She was like, "Yeah." And this is where I'm I could be when I was younger. I was, "Oh my god, if I tell you some things I do when I was younger, I could be gangster. I could be gangster." So I told her, I said, "Can you do me a favor?" She said, "Yes. Uh, can you pick me up in Oklahoma if I get on the next flight?" And she was like, "Yes." Now they the school was in Weatherford, which is like an hour from Oklahoma. hour out of Oklahoma City. Out of Oklahoma, but the nearest airport was Oklahoma. So I was like, "If you can pick me up," she said, "She got me." So I I pull up, pull over, call my job, and tell him some [ __ ] and bull story. I'm I'm crying. So it was easy to I can't come in, you know. I turn around, I head straight home. I get home. My mom's like, "Didn't you just get dressed to go? Was everything okay?" My eyes are red. So she's cute. Again, we're planning a wedding. This was like around Novemberish. The wedding was June the next year. Yeah. So invitations are out, right? Everything, you know what I'm saying? Like it's it's on everybody, you know, we're good. So I'm like I try to play it off my mom without telling her. I just was like, "Uh, I I got to go to Oklahoma real quick for something. Everything's okay. I promise. I just got to go." My mom, she's simple. She don't cry. So she was just like, "Okay." But she could tell something was wrong. No big deal. I made it past her. I packed my stuff, got all my scrubs, and um quickly booked Southwest, got on the next flight to Oklahoma. I get to Oklahoma, my friend picks me up, and the first thing I tell her, I say, "Do you know where the girl lives?" She said, "Yes." I said, "Can you drive me there?" She said, "Yes." She drives me to the girl's place to show me where she lives. I wasn't going to engage with her. I just wanted to know where it was. And so, she showed me where it was and I was like, "Okay, thanks." And I said, "Okay, get me to his house." So, she gets me to his apartment. He's not expecting me because I always call him on my way to work. So, I will call and I'm going to work. So, in his mind, I'm at work. So, he's taking a shower. He had a roommate. He's taking a shower. I I I knock on the door. Roommate opens the door for me. You guys want to hear this whole thing? Keep going. Okay. I'll tell you when to stop. Okay. Okay. Cuz I could be detailed. Story is pretty long, you know. No, I've heard the story before. Don't worry. So, I You sure you don't want a summary? I'm I'm getting Keep going. Okay. I just want to make sure. So, it's like a movie. So, I uh I knock on the door. His roommate opens the door. Of course, roommates, our wife, you know what I'm saying? So, happily lets me in. So, he's in the shower. So, I go straight for his room. Noticing how my pictures are nowhere by the way because again, he's not expecting me. And I walk straight to his room. The cell phone, the other one, is sitting on his pillow. I immediately grab it, look through it. I see everything I need to see. text messages, calls, no problem. I set it right back there and I sat down and waited, gathered myself so that I could be the perfect wife. So the moment he came out of the shower and he walks in the room, it was almost like his spirit left him and came back. But the first thing his eyes did was look straight at that phone. So I just knew that, you know, but I acted like I didn't see the phone. So I was turned away from the phone. So he goes straight to straight and oh my god you know blah blah blah wow I thought you said you're going to work outside I just wanted to surprise you so I'm playing all happy like nothing's wrong I just wanted to surprise you blah blah blah okay so so so by this time si Sami probably figured out that he was dead yeah he not yet he yes he walked straight to the foia sliced that thing under his me still thought I could really thought he could pull it off I would I would have known you were I I knew you were dead I I was I I wasn't sure I wasn't 100%. He wasn't at that point. He still didn't know. He really didn't. Slid the phone under the pillow and then I was like I I really just missed him and I wanted to surprise him. So I was like, "You want to do dinner? Let's go do dinner." And it's not unusual for me to come to Oklahoma and drive his car. So I was like, "I'll drive." You know, so he's like, "Oh, cool." At this point, did you No. I wasn't sure. I was suspicious. I was I was mad. But he couldn't have figured out what I didn't want to drive. Yeah. I'm too brain where this is going. In my mind, a part of my brain is saying she knows. But I'm like, let's see where she where she drives. Then how how would I know? You know what I'm saying? That's not something. There was really no way for me to call anybody. So, I'm just like, let me play it cool. Jesus. Yes. So, I drive him and we're going So, I start to go and then I start, as we're driving, he's, you know, we're talking again. I'm keeping it cool. I'm cool at this. I've cried all my tears in Dallas and I'd already decided that I was done, but I just wanted to close. Yeah. Make him know that I I knew. So, um I get to I turn onto her street, pull up in front of her, um house by this time, and I turn to him obviously. I turn off the car and I turn to him and I say, "Is there something you want to tell me?" You know that that question is a question that when somebody ask me that question is there always I don't know what nothing what I want to tell you. I mean I have to tell you I don't want to tell you PF I wish he just told me but he said there's nothing I could have said at that moment. You were still you what's going on? I don't know where are we? What is this? Where we at? And I was trying to do and I look at him like bro wrong girl man and wrong answer. I said, "Is there something you want to tell me? I'm going to give you one last chance." Then I switched. I said, "Who lives here?" And he goes, "I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know who lives here." So, I'm gonna ask you one more time. Who lives here? And he's like, "I don't know." I said, "Okay." Turn off the car, took the key, stepped out, went to the door. He did not come out of the car. I guess he thought I wasn't going to do it. I pushed the door. No, I knew you were going to do it. There was just There was no defense. Why didn't you do Uber? There was no Uber that time. We didn't have Uber. It was a small town. There's no taxi, nothing. Real small town, by the way. I know. I push the bell and a girl comes to the door and when she does, I'm like, hi, my name is Tosen. I'm Summy's wife. And she's like, she wants to shut the door. And I held it and I was like, I promise you, I'm not here for any issues. I just need closure. He's in the car. I asked him who you were. I asked him what's going on. He won't tell me. Woman towoman. and I just need you to tell me. I promise no issues. And I said, "Can I come in?" And she was like, she looked, she sort of hesitated and she was like, "Sure." So I come in. She shuts the door. He's still sitting in the car. He did not move. I don't know if he was paralyzed. What? What? I don't know. I think I was just He did not move. I was I was plotting my I think I've heard enough. I think I've heard enough. So this is the question that I want to ask you and this is a a tossing question. How did you go? And this is the question that led to this story. How did you get from there to here? Oh my god. Because the reason why I say that is this. A lot of people go through what you went through. Uhhuh. Right. And if if we put it in context, right, I'm not trying to rehash the whole thing, but just to put in context. Oh, yeah. You guys are married. You're 6 months away from a wedding. Mhm. Right. Um, you have a very public relationship with your friends. Yeah. Everybody thinks you guys are couple girls goals. Oh, right. And then you find this kind of thing out. I know you I know you're very you're very emotional. Oh, yeah. You don't you wear your emotions on your sleeve. If upset, you know, how did you go from there to here? Because I can tell you guys something. where they are now is still couple goals, right? Yeah. We were just we was just it was just we were just joking earlier with um with Esther about we had an event in church and my wife and I were supposed to kiss right and both of us I mean I'm I'm old man old school ain't kissing nobody nowhere and we're joking that some would have cleared the whole table they would have just kissed on the table they would have cleared the table you know and I know it's genuine I know is real. Oh, yeah. So, how do you guys get from there? Right. Cuz I know a lot of marriages don't survive that. How did you survive that? What did you do? Right. What did it take to survive that? You're talking about 18 years because that was year two, right? So, it's been 18 years. And then it was year two. Year two. Year two. How did you cuz a lot of people like if somebody does this at this time and that was me. That was toasting problem. That was something I had said all the time. If a guy cheats on me, we're done. Right. I no buts, no ifs, nothing were done. Right. How did I get to here where we are now? A big part of my healing was honestly the work he did. I always say that it wasn't really me who did a lot of work. It was Sami who did a lot of work. Like I said, he wasn't a Jesus boy when we met. So, it's not like I was expecting angel Michael or anything like that. But that incident, I told him it was over. I said, "We're done." It made it to our parents, of course, because I went back home the next day and told my mom, "Call off the wedding. I'm done." And I had to explain why. And I since I was done and I didn't care, I straight up told her. She calls his mom to say, "This is what my daughter's saying." His mom calls him and tells him, "Get home right now." Right? He gets home. And in that season, I broke up with him. And when they finally sort of tricked me into meeting them and they actually were trying to get me to meet him so he could beg and all of that, um, it was one of those like what I agreed to was we're going to officially break up and you would have to prove to me all over again that you can commit to me. You would have to rewoo me and pursue me the way you did from the very beginning. You would have to date me again. Now, he was back in Oklahoma and he had to do that. I don't care how he did it, but in my mind, we were done and we were broken up. I just we just hadn't filed a divorce yet at that time. Um I was done with the wedding. I stopped planning. I stopped all of that. It was my family that was still hopeful and they were still like doing what they were doing. But, um he started intentionally being more like open and you know, all the things that a guy would do to try to show you that I've changed. But more than anything, what happened? He graduated that June. And what happened was he then decided to give his life to Christ. That incident spurred that. And when he gave his life to he did it all by himself. I did not push him in any way. He went to the all the classes by himself. You know, going on a Saturday and this like old school way, not the ones they do now do online. He actually had to go went every time did the whole workers classes started serving in church. That was all me before, not him. started serving, started teaching kids, um did his baptism, just started doing all these things. And not just was he doing them, he started showing up differently. And it took me years. I'm not going to say it was an immediate thing. We did have the wedding eventually. Um by 6 months, he had already started, you know, showing fruits that I felt like, okay, maybe. Um and then, um and remember I told you I loved this guy. I still love him. Oh my god, the way I love my husband. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I love him like Kilo. Like that's the way I love my man and I'm not ashamed unapologetically. Unfortunately, she really is not ashamed. We're tired of it. But it's okay. Unapologetically. It's a lot. We've been around them. It's a lot. But it's okay. But the thing is, I tell people I live in a in a dulu land that I created myself and I'm fine with it. It doesn't hurt nobody. So, I'mma keep it. I'mma keep it. Right. And in that world that I live in, my husband is the best thing since sliced bread. I'm absolutely in love with him. He's absolutely in love with me. And not that I I ignore his flaws, but we can work through everything. And we can work through everything is how I I fed myself. The first few years were hard. Very hard for him and for you or for for me. I'm sure it was hard for him. Imagine what I was very hard for him. I wasn't kind. I was not nice. I was not nice. And it was very, like I said, I'm saying it now and I'm laughing. But the first like five years if I try to even if it comes to my mind I start to cry. Okay. So we could be all happy, everything's great. So the reason why I I cuz I've gotten to know I mean we've been we've been serving together um for for 20 15 years. 15 years. Yeah. 15 years. Yeah. 16 15. Yeah. So I I've gotten to know both of you very well. And I'll tell you this, Tossini does not know how to shade her feelings. Tossin doesn't toss to if to upset the whole world will know. It doesn't like she wants to say like that. It's not that she wants the world to know. She's just not the only person who can hide. Yeah, I'll make her feelings as either 100 or or me and we fight all the time. We we we sort it out cuz and I and we fight because I know when she's upset, so I know that okay, there's fights coming, right? Sami is a different person. Sami is easy. He's he's laidback. So the question I want to ask Sami is this, right? Those 5 years must have been rough. It was hell, right? What made you change? Right? So, so hear me out. What made you change? Because there's this question sometimes people ask. Are you changing because you are you had been caught? Or did you change because it was time to change? I think both. Okay. I feel like two things can be can be right at at the same time and one can be the catalyst for the other. Yeah. Being can make you feel like you know what what the hell and and I'll go back to the to the beginning, right? I think my thought process people always ask me this. What was what was I thinking in that season when all of that was going on? the being caught or the having the cheating part, the they having an affair part. And truly, I wasn't thinking. Yeah. And if I was thinking at all, and it sounds crazy, right, when you say, "Not really. Not really." Yeah. Not really. Yeah. Cuz if you ask most guys, right, all sorts of reasons, but really, babe, you know, that was what pain me the most. It's like he had no reason. Can't be honest with you. Can't be honest with you, can be honest with you, and can correct me if I'm wrong. What a lot of guys do is create a reason that is acceptable to the person to the person that they're talking. Yeah. Just so you feel good because a lot of the times, right? The babe was available. Mhm. So, yeah, there was no thought process and if there was at all, this sounds stupid now, but it was I'm about to go into the real world to be with my wife forever for the rest of my life. So I have a short window to the window closed when you got married. You didn't have you didn't have a short I think because of the way our marriage was because of the distance that we had. It seemed like it wasn't a real marriage. It felt like it was okay to just be stupid right now because once you leave this place but guess what you're really and truly married now. In hindsight that makes no sense. But for me you were you were not a an alter boy before this. I wasn't. You were a pretty You were for the streets before this. And that and that right there actually Hey, what was that your goal you had when you No, let's not tell him about the goal. Why would I can imagine. Why would I say that? I can imagine. I can imagine the goal. But let's leave the goal. Yeah, let's leave the goal. He's a pastor now. But you're right. I was for the streets. I wasn't the I wasn't good enough. No, he was not. Right. I was just a guy who met a girl who I was dead sure that I was in love with. And I knew that this this is who I want to be my life partner. Let me ask you a question. Sorry to interrupt you. And this is a question that a lot of people struggle with. Right. You love Tosin. Yeah. You have always loved Tosin. Tossing has never doubted that you loved her. Right. Well, let me not say she's never doubted. Since I've known you, I've never had that has never been a conversation. Yeah. How could you love Toini and still mess around with someone else? My answer is going to be uh it's going to be because a lot of people think it's not possible. No, no. That's what my answer is going to be because I think people feel like oh you can't love two people at the same time. I don't think what I had for the other person was love. Yeah. But it could it could have grown to love if I had stayed in that relationship long enough. Right. I think I may be one of the few people that has the capacity to love multiple people at the same time. And I know that sounds crazy. It does. But it is possible. Is it? Yeah. I know. It's very possible. You You let yourself enough. People who marry multiple spouses, they they'll tell you they love all of them. Yeah. Right. Right. And and I think I think and the reason why I ask you that question is cuz I agree with you. Right. Is that some people conflate the love we see on TV Yeah. with reality. To reality, right, and social media. One of the things that I love about you guys is that you keep it real. Yeah. You know, I've been in your home, right? You know, I know when you guys are having rough times and when you guys are having good times, but one of the things that really impresses me the most about the two of you is that the rough times don't define you. Oh, no. You know what I mean? They don't define you. You know, I I I remember when you were having your first child, after you just had your first child. Yeah. And the second one. So when we talk about how did you get from there from that dance at the picnic to here there's been a lot of stuff. God a lot of stuff. Yeah. You know the the the thing with the girl in Oklahoma is just one of that was that was even little piece. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was you know you know what I think I'm I'm hearing from you is that there's a commitment that you make to each other. Absolutely. Right. that overrides everything else. Absolutely. Everything else. And for me to finish that thought, I think I needed that situation to happen in order for me to wake up. Right. Sometimes in life you you go through things and you're just living la, right? Everything is just your motion. Sometimes you need something to happen to wake you up. That was my wakeup call. M that was my wake up call to know that I'm about to lose something precious to me. So I had to really sit with myself and my thoughts and I had plenty of time to do so. Yeah. I could have said you know what I don't want to be with you anymore. Let's just scatter the whole thing but I had to process right what exactly am I doing? How did I get here? Uh are there some things in my life that patterns you know during that season? Yeah. Never been monogamous. Yeah. I'd never did it. Never did it. One person up until I met. Never tried it. Somehow it just never happened. There was always somebody else on the side when he was dating somebody. So there's so many. And when I met him, he had a girlfriend. Yeah. That's part of the story that that did get told earlier. Not to excuse it, but in that season, I had to deal with all of those demons and all the things that I had brought into the marriage. Right. And that's what led me to Christ. Right. And that journey of really getting to know the person of Christ showed me and revealed a whole lot of things that I needed to deal with. And in the dealing was what she saw as okay. Oh my god. There's a change. There was a real true change. No. No. Abs. Absolutely. Clearly. And you know this is the thing right with um as a pastor one of the biggest challenges that I have is saying to people that the the fact that the person is flawed right does not mean that they're wrong right you were flawed absolutely many ways I was flawed yeah absolutely right but if you have thrown him away like a lot of people would have asked you to like you maybe even wanted Mhm. Yeah. Right. You would not have what you have now. Absolutely. And what you have now is one of those things that I mean at New Covenant House, folks look up to you, right? Because your marriage is an example of what a real marriage is like. Not like that nonsense we see on Instagram by the way. You know, have you have you seen the Instagram makes marriage look like the easiest thing in the world. Oh, tell me about it. Like seriously. Tell me about it. It's a lie of the enemy. It's It's on purpose. I believe I feel like devil intentionally curates those things so that people continue to fail. Yeah. And that's one of the reasons why we decided to go public with our story and go public with our marriage and start to tell Yes, you can have flaws. Yes, you can get to the point where you want to um you you said we're done. I'm divorcing you. Yes, there could be infidelity. Yes, there could be. I mean, I don't even know what else we've had, crazy things, ups and downs. But if you truly choose to commit to each other, and you see real change and the person is growing, it's enough to pause, at least pause for a little bit, wait and see. Does it bother you that you were a catalyst for his growth? No, I'm actually grateful to God that you were a a part of his journey like that. Cuz some people would be like, I don't. No, you have to go go by yourself. And and PF, I think that that is actually a piece of our story that actually binds us together. I think too many people these days, going back to to Instagram, they don't want to suffer with anybody. They don't want to grow with anybody. We're looking for finished product. There's no finished product on the market. You know what I mean? You have to get them. We have to get to the point where where we actually become the helpmate that God created us to be. Tell them it's like you can't find a finished product. If I was a finished product, man, and and and it's not just that you were not. You were not. You are still not a will be. No, he's not. And neither is to neither am I. No. You know, marriage is is is two people on the assembly line together. Yep. choosing each other despite every day. That's what I meant by growth ear when I said growth earlier. Literally evolving every single day. Yeah. You know, we've talked about some of your challenges, right? But let's talk about some of the good times. You guys, you guys have had some really good times. Yeah. I saw pictures. We saw you guys you did your anniversary. You took a trip. You took to Europe. It seems like you guys, that's your thing, taking trips. We love very annoying because see to is our worship minister and at very inconvenient times she and her husband are on this I don't even know at your age what are you still doing up and down P you better come and serve the Lord are pouring into the love basket my love language eh is catching flights I'm booking trips is your love language not Abula actually that is that's my love language right there oh my god so Whenever we travel, we find any African uh restaurant. I'm the guy that goes to France or Portugal. I'm looking for I I look up the nearest Nigerian restaurant. Really? Absolutely. He does. Absolutely. After about 3 4 days, I need some. So, so you guys travel a lot. Absolutely. We try to. What does that do for you? Oh, wow. For me, it it um replenishes. I think we both work hard, but just the kind of the nature of the work that we do. Um it's quite stressful. I work to travel and so it's important for us to take breaks. We try to do a trip at least once a quarter. So so so so you know sometimes people don't realize how important it is to pour into the marriage. Oh yeah. Right. We're so busy achieving these goals, hitting these milestones, acquiring these things that our marriages become um a victim to of our success. Yes. Right. So, we've got a lot of nice things to show for our life. You know, you drive a nice car, you drive a nice car, your kids are beautiful, they're doing well, you live in a nice neighborhood, right? A lot of marriages don't survive success, right? And and it's because people do not take the time to invest in the marriages. The amount of energy we put into our education, we put into our to building our businesses, put into our career, right? So is it possible for one to say that the things you went through almost losing your marriage, right, made you more inclined to invest in it? A,000%. And and usually the the usually the obstacle to investment are the men. Mhm. We're the ones who think I don't have to do much. Oh no. I My last bone behavior I I don't let him move. She would she wouldn't let me. When he when we first started he was like that and I wouldn't let him because I'm constantly I'm a tinkerer. I'm Tinkerbell. I'm constantly tinkering. I know. Yeah. Yeah. She's looking for something as well. Constantly looking what can we fix? What else can we do? How else can we pour? And over time, of course, 20 years now, it's become, you know, they say the longer you're with somebody, the more you start to look like the person or behave like the person. Now, it's so funny. We've sort of like, yeah, we've sort of almost not swapped, but blended to where it's like it's like it's what it's the way we both believe. It's what we both believe. Yeah. And you know, listening to this, you might be you might be tempted to think that Sam and Tos are alike. They're not alike. No. No. We're still very different. We're very different. No, no, not even deep down. You guys are very different. We're very We're our own person. Sami is the is the quintessential laidback. Yeah. No stress. He doesn't stress. You know, you just see Si everywhere with his cup of coffee just taking He doesn't gulp. It never gulps. Just light s. Why would you go coffee? There you go. You see you see what I'm saying? Toi is the one taking the test. No time. I'm biting through that entire burger as I'm walking, you know, you know, but but they've made it work even though they're so different. Yeah, we're very different. So this idea of compatibility is not equal to the sameness. Oh, absolutely. No. So you're not the same. No. Well, clearly you're compatible, but that compatibility seems like something you walked at. Yes. In the way that I very intentionally. I actually love the differences that we have. Now, now it never bothered you. I embraced. No, I did in the beginning. Well, there were c maybe a few things. I mean, when two people come together, right, from different backgrounds, there's bound to be a few things, right, that kind of just rubs you off the wrong way. But over time, I've learned to embrace those differences, embrace the differences, understand personality testing that helped us. Yes. Honestly, we took a personality test once at one of the courses we went to and it sort of highlighted very clearly um our strengths in a our our traits in a positive light. Was it Simbis? Was it wasn't it was Yeah, we sent us to the other one. The um mediation mediation program and from that moment and how long ago was that? It hasn't been that long. So again, we it's not like we've been before the pandemic. It was just after right after right after right after the pandemic. So I when I try to tell people that this is a constant work in progress. We didn't just figure out how beautiful our differences were and how they could work together until after the pandemic. Can you imagine? You know, you you guys have different personalities, right? And you are you're different. You are very strong individuals by yourselves manifesting in different ways. But you said something just now that I want to highlight on our differences do not make us incompatible. Exactly. Right. And people tend to think that if we are not the same, there's something wrong. There's something wrong. So I spend all my time trying to make you like me and you spend all your time trying to make me like you. There in lies the problem. Yeah. And and then what then happens is that you will destroy the reasons why God has put us together. Absolutely. Right. God put you in my life because he knows I am weak in certain areas. Yes. Right. And he put me in your life cuz you're weak in certain areas. So if you take away my weaknesses and make them strengths. Yeah. Right. If you take away my weakness, then I don't need you. I don't need you. You don't need you. And the the way that I describe it is I'm always thinking in the form of a corporation, right? If I'm the CEO and I have a COO, we're working together towards the same goal, right? But we our roles shouldn't cross. Yes. Yes. If it's crossing that I don't need you in my life. You're the CEO. You do what you're supposed to do. Let me be the CEO. Let me do what I'm supposed to do. You need those differences. Exactly. We need those differences. But we're all part of the sea suite, though. Exactly. Yes. We're partners. We're equal, but we are different. Right. You guys, one area that I know that you're different is with money. Oh, yeah. Right. And this is an area that actually explain that. I want to hear what you think. Sami is the is the guy who his cobboard doesn't his dollar doesn't fall to the ground. Sami is very frugal. I thought you were going to place it the other way. I'm like, "Oh, no, no, no. I I've been on you guys for a minute." That's good. S is very frugal. Sami is the is is very laidback, but except when it comes to money. And and let me No, that's not fair. That's not fair. He's laidback with money. He just does not stress himself about spending money he doesn't have. There you go. And doing stuff he doesn't need to do with money, you know. So, he has a great actual money. Tossi on the other hand is not like that. Yeah. Tossi is money is a tool. She's a dreamer. It's there to be spent. Is very meticulous about everything except money. Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Right. But you guys work. Yeah. To wants to go on a trip and not have to check the bank account when she's on the trip. She does not want to know what the price is. Yes. She's on a trip. She needs to just be a baby girl. Just be a baby girl on the trip. That's the whole counting. And I'm thinking somebody has to pay for this when we get back. This is the amount we said we're spending on this trip. We need to stick to it. And and I bring up the money thing to highlight. They think about differences. Yes. If you were like to the plane, you probably would have bought a oneway ticket. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Get you there. We will fly economy every single time. But because you are planning, right? Yeah. She can do the baby girl life. That's true. Right. Do you resent his frugality or frugalness or I don't know word? No. Because you know I'm also very self-aware, right? Like before you tell me what I'm bad at, I'll tell you I'm bad at this. So I know my relationship with money and I know how I see it and I know I need him so that we have a roof over our head. So you guys don't fight about money? Not necessarily. we compromise in a very it's usually like okay we need to talk about it and I know you like now he hasn't booked my birthday trip and he knows I don't like being here for my birthday her birthday is in February yes and I trust God that he will glory there's some things I push for because they're important and there's some things I just let slide so I will push for February Okay. We'll be pushing with you. So I mean be a man. Step up. Pray for me. God. God. God. God. But I'm realistic now. If I'm realistic. Oh no. Absolutely. No. She's she's quite realistic and we plan when it comes to money. We do plan. We We think we plan. No. The planning is actually me. No, no, no, no. When it comes to money is something. You know what's funny? So, initially, earlier on in our marriage, I thought that it was the role of a man to run the finances of the home. M. So, I took that on. Uh, but I sucked at it. Really? I'm sucked at it. But you have a a better attitude. Better attitude. But his overall personality, like you said, is laid back. So, he cannot be bothered about when is the bill due. It's not that the money is not in the account. Yeah, the money the money is there. But I'm not I'm not sitting here worrying about it. It'll come and it'll pass. And he didn't pay it. Yeah. Not because the money was not in the account, but he just cannot be bothered. I guess so. Let me blow your mind. Cuz he needs a COO. I have a finance minor. Really? Yeah. But he sucks. Well, you know, the interesting thing is this, right? I The only thing that has shocked me tonight is that that laid-back attitude. Yeah. Right. It works for keeping the money. It doesn't work for managing it. It's crazy. It only shows up when we are having budget meeting. Yes. Yeah. When we have budget meeting, when we have goals, things we need to do. He's just talking about what we cannot do. Okay. Okay. So, so, so, so, so, so practical tips. Yeah. Practical tips, right? Mhm. I want to hear one practical tip to having a successful marriage from from you guys one. Practical tip. You want to go first? Okay. I was going to say God Jesus, but you said practical even though that is quite practical. I was I want to jump on you there. That is quite practical. And the reason I say so is because I truly believe, and I know it sounds very cliche, I truly believe that if I don't have Christ, he'll still be in the streets. If I didn't pursue Christ the way that I pursued it, there's no way we'll be here today. Right. I can tell you that for a fact. There's a question I meant to ask you. Those 5 years that Toen was giving you hell for the infidelity in Oklahoma. Yeah. We're talking about a year after Oklahoma, two years after Oklahoma, 3 years after Oklahoma, four years after 5 years. These kids are coming by the way, man. And and you know, you guys are being intimate cuz we're seeing the children, right? And she's still giving you help. Mhm. Right. How did that make you feel? Horrible. Why didn't you tell us? I felt like a word I can't say on camera. Okay. So, so, so, so why didn't you get an attitude about it? You know, I did sometimes. You never showed it to me. If you did. Yeah. So, so not to me. Maybe he went to the bathroom and did it. The po the posture that I had was that Yeah. his posture. I was the offender. You can't be the offender and then now making demands. It doesn't make sense. You did the crime. Absolutely. This is the time. This is the time. And again, keep in mind, I had a lot of talking to myself before I decided, you know what? I want to truly pursue this woman the way I should. That meant, and I know the person I'm dealing with, she can be petty. Super petty. I knew she was going to give me grace. Outgrown it though. She's better. She's better now. She's better now. But it comes out every now and then. The point I'm making is I knew it wasn't going to be easy, right? So, I knew what I was signing up for, but I was committed right to seeing it through. Right. The the reason why I bring up that is that you know I we do this to and Sami um um have run our marriage ministry at a certain point now they have their own um podcast their own marriage ministry that they run um called in sync. In sync yeah marriage. Yeah. No that's correct. In okay cuz uncle said in sync. In sync. In sync. Tomato tomato. Well and and and the reason why because you know you meet people in different walks of life here. Mhm. And one of the things that is a biggest problem now for a lot of couples is that somebody was unfaithful. Yeah. Right. And there are times when that infidelity the only solution is to end the marriage. Yeah. There are times. Yeah. Particularly when one person is not repentant. That's what I was saying. Yeah. But it does not mean the marriage must end. Yeah. Right. It is not an automatic end. So Oh yeah. Infidelity is not an automatic an automatic death nail. Yes, the Bible says you can you can but the Bible also says forgive forgive. Absolutely right. But a lot of the times I get really frustrated with entitled men. When you are unfaithful, right, and I've never encountered this with the women. So I I say men when a man is unfaithful and he's repentant for 20 seconds. Yeah. And he expects that. Why you still mad around, right? And I'm not saying this from a self-righteous place. I'm not saying this from being a perfect man, right? But dude, man, you did the crime and you're not the one that's going to determine the time. Exactly. The person you offended is going to determine how long your punishment is going to last. I've I've talked to punishment. It wasn't punishment. Yes. It wasn't punishment. How long it takes to heal? It takes to heal. I didn't know how long it was going to take. I I meet guys after a week getting entitled like, "Ah, I already said so." I'm like, "Bro, if if she did this to you, how long would it take you?" Oh, no. Do you the the whole village? Men don't stay through uh infidelity with their wives. Really? I I would love to meet a man who I I can introduce you to I would love to I want to talk to him. I can introduce you to a couple. I want to talk to him because in general and I'll tell you why I say why I I I can society has done us bad. Yeah. Right. When a man is unfaithful and I think it's also one of the reasons why women don't stay. Everybody knows. Everybody knows. So it the the humilation of it sometimes forces the woman to leave. Yes. Right. Everybody knows that the guy messed up and everybody's looking at everybody looking at her. Right. When a woman is unfaithful, the guy the guy is not he's not telling anybody because it's like it's a it depicts on him for whatever reason. Men see it as failed. Yes. It's not it's not just that. It's that guys are not as vocal. Yeah. We're not going to We're not going to sit down and be talking. Women will sit down with their friends and say, "Look how my husband did." Oh, you know, I was going to say that that's something that also helped me. PF was You had good friends. No, I I only told one person. Other than the girl who actually other than the girl who um who told me um I only called one friend that night because I was looking for a lawyer. Okay. And to God be the glory, she her only thing was to be patient. Don't rush this thing. Pray. Just pause a second. She was she knew him and she was like just be patient. I hope you're settling her regularly because you know I I I I say that because I have met I've been in I've seen situations Yeah. where who you tell Yeah. matters determines what you do. Yeah. Absolutely. If you tell somebody who is vindictive, right, who is who carries somebody's matter? No. This if you cheat is over mindset, right? Or you or you or you meet somebody who is actually thinking about you and the future. Somebody who's been alive for a minute. Yeah. Right. Somebody who is let's even say full of the Holy Spirit or has experience out of all your friends actually that that friend is actually probably one of the most mature. She's very mature. Other than that the moms I'm also grateful to God that both moms when they found out until today don't my mother has never treated them any different. She's never even acted like anything ever happened. So, you know what I'm beginning to realize, right? You had some good people around God used them. A lot of the times, right, people, this happens, and this is why you don't know about men who have had to deal with infidelity because guys are not talking. They're not talking. Yeah. Right. If a guy talks, maybe one guy, maybe one guy, how many? And the guy he will tell, he knows that this guy is going to give me good advice. Yeah. He's not just going to ah look at that my husband, he's a dog. I look at that my wife. That's why you're the only one that knows people because they come tell the person, right? But but women and this is not a this they they have community that they have to share these things with. So by the time 10 women know, it's difficult to now come back and say, "Oh, sorry." You know, second hand offense is worse, right? So now is to walk that back. Even if you choose to stay with him and you love him and you want to love him, you have to deal with the second. Yes. You're now worried about how they're looking at him or how they're looking at you. And now you can never speak how beautiful your marriage is anymore because they're like one of the things that one of the reasons why America I think I think I could be wrong please. I think why Hillary Clinton could never be president of this country was because she stayed with Bill Clinton. Yeah. when the whole Monica and that sort of is a sign of weakness. It was a huge topic when she was campaigning. Yeah. A lot of the the the female constituency in America always brought that up and said, "How could she go back to that man who cheated on her?" And so they're not voting. So So sometimes, right, sometimes it's not about suffering in silence. It's about actually seeking for wise counsel. Wise counsel. Somebody who can tell you, "Look, this guy, you better pack your bags and leave." Yeah. Because this is a habit. This is a pattern. It's never he's not repentant. He's not repentant. Yes. Right. Or somebody will tell you that you know what this is a good guy. Right. And this was a mistake. I I don't know what you want to do but these are things that we have seen. Yeah. Right. So women are always asking that guys guys would never tolerate it. And and the idea the one that that that gets me the most PF is this. There's a saying uh once a cheater. Once a cheater always a cheater. Once a cheat always a cheat. Yeah. So, so once it sounds good once you are rude if there's no Jesus if there's no Jesus. No, two things can be true. Jesus like a real capturing of your heart. But I think there are people who live on planet earth who have better discipline. Oh yes. Than those of us who are Jesus followers. Yeah. So so so two things. Two things. There's there there are certain areas of of my life where without the Holy Spirit I cannot. Yes, I cannot. When it comes to avocado, I don't need the Holy Spirit to not I I No, it's not a real power. Meanwhile, I eat avocado every day. There you go. So, the point I'm trying to make is that there's some things right that without the Holy Spirit you can't. There's some things that some people Yeah. they don't need the Holy Spirit. Yeah. Just just some people just have doesn't make them good. that they think because they don't need avocado or they don't need the Holy Spirit to know avocado. They're better than people who do. Actually, in some cases, we are. But but but you get my point. I get your point. Yeah. Awesome. And you guys have been awesome. Yeah. You guys have been have have been awesome. This was a very interesting conversation. Yes. Kind of went a different direction than I than I thought it would. I know, right? But I think it was it was it was good. Yeah, we enjoyed it. Thank you. Thank you for having us. for those who want to uh you know get more of our story, who want to learn more about us and there's more to their story. This one is more there's a whole season one. This is a fraction. Yeah. These guys if we were here to tell them the whole story will be here until tomorrow morning. Yes. Check Check Check out our podcast in Sync Marriage. It's on YouTube. It's on uh Spotify. It's on iTunes. It's everywhere. Can you spell in sync? I N S Y N C. In sync marriage. in sync marriage being in synchronization. And the reason why I ask you to spell it because some people can Google and s the music the musician the band the boy band it's not the boy band. Sorry it's my it's my accent. Oh no no no. Oh oh you know if I want to throw if I want to throw shade I will throw shade. I don't you don't do filtered with a shade on my on this podcast. I'm on fil. Well, thanks a lot, guys. Thanks for having us. And by the way, I will be on your podcast. Yes, we'll be filming soon. We'll be filming soon. That that should be that should be fun. But anyway, thank you for for for watching. Like, subscribe, share. If you know anybody that is going through any challenges in their marriage, I want to recommend Sami and Tossi. They are a great couple. They have wisdom, they have knowledge, and they have understanding. They have experience. and they are full of the Holy Spirit. So, um, check out their podcast, Insync Marriage. It will bless you. Awesome. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Unfiltered.